We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know.
W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973)
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Funny Cassifieds2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
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Funny student bloopers about school
These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students.Unfortunately, the school board was forced to
cut fifteen percent off all teachers.
Every day I study hardly.
I have really good news.
I passed both my testes last week.
College is expensive.
But it can help you live a bitter life.
If I study really hard,
I will graduate in 2004 years.
I am studied hard in science class.
After four years of college I can finally attend grade school.
Such behavior will result in
immediately being exploded from the university.
My essay is in the American President.
The New Years potty was so boring.Only a few people sat around, only a few people danced and the food was not so fresh.
My earliest memory was in kindergarten
but I can’t remember what it was.
My major was tourism management.
I thought a tour guide would fit good on me.
After class we will all go out and drink Wisk until we are sick. Do you want to come?
My mother really didn’t want me to go away to college. She bought me special snakes so I wouldn’t live.
She what?
She bought me special snakes so I would not live.
Oh, do you mean she bought you special snacks so you would not leave?
Yes. Why are you smiling?
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Here are some funny resume mistakes: “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
“Education: College, August 1880- May 1984.”
“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
“I’m a rabid typist.”
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
Reasons for Leaving your Previous Job:
“Responsibility makes me nervous."
“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”
Personal Qualities
“I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”
“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
“Number of dependents: 40.”
“Marital Status: Often.
Children: Various.”
“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award”
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Good morning everyboomie.
There's a fungus among us.
It's called Monday.
I wonder.....If day's have names, and months have names, why don't the weeks have names?
Week names could be like; Vara, Nara, Zara, and Fobos.
You could say, "I was born December- Vara- Friday", or, Friday the first week of December 1901.
I think they should do away with names of the days of the week anyway, and just call them all 'Next'.
Enough jibberish. Gotta get to bed now.
After all, I am 113 years old.
In December.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Thank you.
