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Saturdiner #968519
07/18/14 08:34 PM
07/18/14 08:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
Chinese Proverb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


World History According to Students


This history of the world has been compiled by Richard Lederer from actual student bloopers and mistakes collected by teachers.


The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked “Am I my brother’s son?” God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother’s birthmark. Jacob was a partiarch who brought up his twelve sons to be partiarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fougth with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Without the Greeks, we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns – Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in “The Illiad”, by Homer. Homer also wrote the “Oddity”, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.


Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History call people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself be fore her troops, they all shouted “hurrah.” Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In on of Shakespear’s famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote “Donkey Hote”. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote “Paradise Lost.” Then his wife dies and he wrote “Paradise Regained.”

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and the was called the 6cPilgrim’s Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porposies on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their pacels through the post without stamps. During the War, Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared “a horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married Matha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Them the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, “In onion there is strength.” Abraham Lincoln write the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called “Candy”. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are flaling off the trees.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorrilas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon’s flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inheret his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t bear him any children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. He reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pastuer discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturailst who wrote the “Organ of the Species”. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomer. welcome


I had a nice day off, and I'm about as ready for a new work week as I'll never be. thumbsup


My day off was an awesome cloudy cool day, but we'll be back in the hot 90s by Sunday. cry


Oh well, as I always say sometimes, there's no use crying over spilled sunshine. wink


My new week starts at 6:00am, so you know where I'm headed as soon as I get this posted. sleep


I've got my ruby slippers on, and Totto (Baby) and I are headed there as fast as feet can fly. lab


There's no place like bed. There's no place like bed.


Have a happy day everyone, and WELCOME TO THE WEEKEND!!! woot



joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 07/18/14 08:37 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968526
07/18/14 09:24 PM
07/18/14 09:24 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Enjoy your Saturday Boomers. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968529
07/18/14 09:59 PM
07/18/14 09:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Have a great day Joe, SpaceQ and all! wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968531
07/18/14 10:18 PM
07/18/14 10:18 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
My computer crashed. What a day yesterday. Guru friend (who built it) spent most of today rebuilding stuff and re-installing Windows and trying to get it to work. FINALLY it redid itself. Screen kept saying 'wait' but I finally gave up waiting after an hour and popped out the Windows disc, and turned off the computer then back on. It's working. Just have to tweek some of the stuff on it. Different settings, I have NO documents. I'm not sure what happened to them. I think I have a semi-complete back up but I'm going to be hurting for awhile. Wish me luck.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968551
07/19/14 02:49 AM
07/19/14 02:49 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have a great Saturday Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, Sorta and all who
follow later. smile wave summer


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968561
07/19/14 05:05 AM
07/19/14 05:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
summer Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, Sorta and Haroula. Coffee is ready. Hope everyone has a relaxing day! summer


Gerry
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968571
07/19/14 07:54 AM
07/19/14 07:54 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Been enjoying summer. Been busy with activities with family. Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend! summer


Gail
Re: Saturdiner [Re: GBC] #968576
07/19/14 09:02 AM
07/19/14 09:02 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
We have rain here today. Looks like a good day to do some reading. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968579
07/19/14 09:16 AM
07/19/14 09:16 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has a super Saturday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968580
07/19/14 09:28 AM
07/19/14 09:28 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. Not too anxious to start my day. Have a little housework to do before I leave to get some errands done. I hope you all have a great day today.

Midgiehearts


Just do it.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968594
07/19/14 11:33 AM
07/19/14 11:33 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe may work fly and go well. Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Space enjoy the weekend and sorry about the rain. May the sun shine soon. Have a lovely day!

Ana hope your late night dinner date was fun!! Glad the baby found mom and mom found the baby. Have a lovely day! Are you still in the corner? Prayers and hugs for Merlin!!

Sorta glad computer is up and working again!! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Gail glad you are enjoying the Summer with family!! Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Midge glad the "tower" has arrived and that it should be up and running tomorrow. Have a lovely day!

Darlene HUGS!! Glad the celebration of Life for your mom was lovely!! Have a lovely day!

No painting today as it might rain but heading to daughters to see my new great-grandson and also my other great-grandson and Abbi!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968595
07/19/14 11:46 AM
07/19/14 11:46 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

Laundry on the list for the day. Not sure what else, possibly bed and the dvr rotfl wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968601
07/19/14 12:37 PM
07/19/14 12:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
I have slugged into my day enough and it's time to take the dogs for a run. puppy Catch you all in a bit! Have a happy Saturday!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968612
07/19/14 01:34 PM
07/19/14 01:34 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
I guess I spoke too soon about my computer. This morning it's a minor mess again. Can't print, can't use document program to create (parts missing), BUT the recycling bin is working again. rotfl


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968635
07/19/14 03:36 PM
07/19/14 03:36 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
My son had a "fight' with another 4,5years old boy
for the "eyes" of a 4,5 years old girl... lol
on the beach today. crazy haha


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968647
07/19/14 04:46 PM
07/19/14 04:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
lol Your son is adorable!!!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968651
07/19/14 05:07 PM
07/19/14 05:07 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
thanksAna
Time for my pillow. sleep wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968682
07/19/14 07:01 PM
07/19/14 07:01 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Made a delicious, refreshing salad for lunch today and as I was finishing up right in the bottom of the salad bowl was a ...........................ShemerBaby cat hair. You thought it was a bug. Nope and how did he do that. It even had the rest of those Amish home made noodles in it and sweet onions and and and.

Well, it's summer again here but yesterday the temp barely got up to 80 and last night was cold. We've had showers and lightening -scary scary. All hot and sunny now.

My daughter-in-law bought a new car, a dark blue BMW and it gets 45 miles per gallon. She's afraid to take it to the mall or groceries for fear someone will scratch it. I would be too. I'll have to go to Austin to see it -maybe they'll give me a ride in it. My son wants a truck. When I had horses I had trucks and he did like them. 2 horses and a pony are buried in my pasture and my last horse is buried in my front yard. I sure miss them.

Has anyone heard from Karen?

Sorta, best wishes toward your computer. It's such a loss when they don't work.


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968686
07/19/14 07:16 PM
07/19/14 07:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Karen has been on FaceBook and all seems okay Yankee. Your DIL car sounds awesome! My truck has to hang in there for another 18 months before I can think of a new one. I lost a piece of the frame today, my neighbor the mechanic chuckled and said it will make it. rotfl


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968691
07/19/14 07:50 PM
07/19/14 07:50 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer
3dobermans  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
Spent the morning moving a friends, mothers piano in today. Her and hubby just moved here and she didn't know where to put it. So now it resides in my bedroom and who knows I may learn how to play chopsticks.

Hope it's been a great weekend for all, so have a good rest tonite for the start of another week.


Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968700
07/19/14 08:16 PM
07/19/14 08:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
I hope you learn to play Trippy! I tried to learn on my best friends grand while growing up and failed miserably!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968703
07/19/14 08:53 PM
07/19/14 08:53 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
My computer is a mess. FINALLY decided after all the missing stuff and problems to just wipe the hard drive and reinstall Windows XP. Finally got that done. Now trying to upgrade to SP3. Finally managed to get Firefox to load. Been quite a day. All my stuff is wiped clean but I'll reconstruct it from my save disc. At least what is on it. Very annoying 2 days. Prayers for me and my friend who is helping (doing most of it) and my poor computer. Waaaaaa.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968705
07/19/14 09:04 PM
07/19/14 09:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Sorta, nothing like an uncooperative computer! I* hope you can get it going perfectly again!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968709
07/19/14 10:52 PM
07/19/14 10:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Off to bed with me. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #968713
07/20/14 12:24 AM
07/20/14 12:24 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Oh Sorta I hope the computer woo's be over soonest for you!

Yankee nice car for DIL!!! Hope you can get a nice ride in it!!

Haroula I see he is starting young. lol Too cute.

L4l hope you made it through the laundry and hope Seagan starts eating!!

Ana glad you had a nice slug morning and the run with the dogs was fun!

Time here to do some pillow hunting. Night everybody, sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan

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