Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
George Burns (1896 - 1996)
Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 74 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week," I told her.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
Two old guys, one 70 and one 75, were sitting on a park bench one
The 75-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of
The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to
have so much energy. The 75-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It
keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 70-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves."
She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf,
it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this but me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Who is Your Role Model for 2014?
This is an honest evaluation of who your Role Model is in 2014.
This is fun. I promise you will laugh when you find the identity of your role model.
I was really surprised to find out the name of my role model.
Don't scroll down yet.
To find the identity of your personal role model, do the mathematics below..
Then scroll down to find your hero or heroine.
It is crazy how accurate this is!
1.) Pick your favorite number between 1 - 9
2.) Multiply by 3
3.) Add 3
4.) Then again multiply by 3... I'll wait if you need a calculator
5.) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number
6.) Add the digits together
NOW SCROLL DOWN
And with that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:
2. Oprah Winfrey
3. Ernest Hemingway
4. Mother Teresa
5. Bill Gates
8. Nelson Mandela
9 Gymcandy Joe
I know, I know, it's my happy attitude to life. I just have that special effect on people!
P.S. Stop picking different numbers!
~~~~~~~~~~~~Ban On Dihydrogen Monoxide
A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater
Idaho Falls Science Fair on January 26.
In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict
control or total elimination of the chemical 'dihydrogen monoxide'.
And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:
1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients.
He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
- One hundred forty-three said yes.
- Six were undecided.
- Only one knew that the chemical was... Water! (H2O)
The title of his prize winning project was, 'How Gullible Are We?' He
was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists
practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our
environment. The conclusion is obvious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!(This should keep you chuckling for awhile)
A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas ) began construction on an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business.
In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc.
About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground!
Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".
The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church... "Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means."
Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.
He then opened the hearing by saying:
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not!"
An Irishman is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He immediately dials 999.
Irishman: ''It's me wife! I've accidentally shot her, I've killed her!''
Operator: ''Please calm down Sir. Can you first make sure she is actually dead!''
*click* .. *BANG*
Irishman: ''Okay, I've done that. What next?''
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off.
And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a bounding kangaroo,
and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.
What must you do to get out of this potentially
highly dangerous situation safely?
See answer below.
Get your drunk behind off of that merry-go-round.
Good morning everyboomie.
I am almost glad to be going back to work today as I seem to work a whole lot less at Lowe's than I do at home.
However, for the next 3 or 4 days we are supposed to be having this big cool down in the weather, and of course I'm working.
My concession is that I get off early on all three days.
Of course that means I have to get up early for the next three days.
Of course THAT means........I gotta get to bed asap........after I get a shower first.
I think good old Southeastern Oklahoma is going to start growing out of my hair, I have so much dirt caked up there.
Ouch! That didn't help get any dirt off my head.
Have a happy day everyone.