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Saturdiner #971107
08/01/14 09:50 PM
08/01/14 09:50 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese.
Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong
one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco

2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . Replied
the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her Reporting to the rest of the
family that he had Died of a 'massive internal [blip].'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
One of his medications. ?Which one?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse
told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long
have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered ..
. . ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ?It's very
good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.
Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced A foil packet
labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , Detroit ,

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled Into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, Entered . . . It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was Scheduled for
immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating Table,
the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there
was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, Which said 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
out laughing And further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
sheepishly said. . .. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with
tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..
' No doctor but the song you were whistling was .. . . ' I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener .'
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name....

1 MORE

Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM

(I would have given him 100%)


Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10.. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.
*Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands
Q12.. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
* Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

You, who worry about democrats versus republicans -- relax, here is our real problem.

In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States . It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"

Yep, these are the same kinds of 18-year-olds that are now voting in our elections! They breed and they walk among US...

Lord--we need more help than we thought we did!
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quotes to enjoy

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: -
'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
<><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister,
and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
<><>
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,
people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
<><>

Money can't buy you happiness ....
But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things
that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ..
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
<><>

And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.


May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and
may nothing but happiness come through your door.

Wine does not make you FAT ...- it makes you LEAN .....
(Against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomie. urock


Welcome to the weak-end, which will be immediately followed by a strong front, pushing me back to work for 6 straight days, so tonight I'm gonna party like there's no tomorrow. penguin


Not really, I'm fixing to go to bed. lol


More and more my bedroom is becoming a 'retreat'.


Don't ask retreat from what.


I see by the old clock on the wall it's time to have my head examined.


Yeah, I'll do that right after I sleep on it.


Have a happy day everyone. rah



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971117
08/01/14 11:38 PM
08/01/14 11:38 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and welcome to the weekend! I'll be gone all day to Indiana. I'll be heading to the Amish festival with my sisters. I needed a day to go away. hearts

Have a wonderful day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #971129
08/02/14 01:42 AM
08/02/14 01:42 AM
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,264
Greece
Volkana Offline
Addicted Boomer
Volkana  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,264
Greece
Good morning Joe, good morning Ana and everyone who follow!!!

Ana have a wondeful time at the festival.

Unfortunately i'll be working this weekend hardwall

Have a great weekend everyone!!! kissy wave


Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971131
08/02/14 02:31 AM
08/02/14 02:31 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Volcana and all who follow later. wave
Beach day and later dinner to a village with snails specials. yesyummy happydance


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971141
08/02/14 04:55 AM
08/02/14 04:55 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
RebKean Offline
Settled Boomer
RebKean  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 689
Sweden
We have these 18-year olds over here as well Joe. So basically the the World is about to end.
Or at least it will when those people are outnumbering the others. smile
As for the exam, it was a strange combination of questions.... sherlock
Liked the answers though. grin

Morning to all, and let the heatwave stay away yet another day. thumbsup

Last edited by RebKean; 08/02/14 04:55 AM.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971143
08/02/14 05:45 AM
08/02/14 05:45 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Volkana, Haroula and Reb. Sounds like a busy day for you all. Coffee is ready. Happy Day! wave


Gerry
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971149
08/02/14 07:30 AM
08/02/14 07:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A Sam's trip is on the agenda for today after breakfast out. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Waffles, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971150
08/02/14 07:33 AM
08/02/14 07:33 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning all! Bad night and only had about 3 hours sleep. It will be a long day today. I wish I didn't have 6 hours of driving alone.

Have a happy day!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: connie] #971151
08/02/14 07:35 AM
08/02/14 07:35 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
Good morning boomers-- from Ireland. Having a great time. smile

Last edited by manxman; 08/02/14 07:36 AM.

Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971153
08/02/14 08:04 AM
08/02/14 08:04 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers: cat

Joe, happy weekend.

Ana, enjoy the Festival. Wishing you a wide-awake day for the traveling.

Volkana, have a great workday.

Reb, stay cool.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, have fun at Sam's. Don't buy too much.

Manxman, glad you're enjoying Ireland.

Rainy day here today. Sounds like a busy weekend for everyone. lab


Gail
Re: Saturdiner [Re: GBC] #971183
08/02/14 10:28 AM
08/02/14 10:28 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good moaning everbody. wave

I'm enjoying a lazy morning. bravo

I'm even having a couple of cups of coffee. yay

Not sure what I'll be doing today, if anything, but not too worried about it either. woot

What is everyone here doing? happydance

Ana I hope you enjoy your trip. Drive carefully. hearts

I hope everyone has a super day. yes


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971184
08/02/14 10:28 AM
08/02/14 10:28 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe a real weekend. Any fun plans? Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Ana HUGS! Prayers for the Band around you as you are traveling alone. Have a wonderful time at the Festival and enjoy your time with your sisters. Have a lovely day!

Volkana may work be fun and the time fly. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have fun at the beach and have a lively day!

RebKean stay cool and have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

LOL Connie you confused me. Usually you go out for breakfast on Sunday! But then I have been a little busy lately and mixing up the days. LOL Enjoy breakfast out and shopping. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Manxman glad that you are enjoying Ireland!!! Have a lovely day!

Gail sounds like a day to do some gaming. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971185
08/02/14 10:30 AM
08/02/14 10:30 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971221
08/02/14 02:02 PM
08/02/14 02:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Hi guys, busy day. Celebrating the boys birthdays today. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971233
08/02/14 04:12 PM
08/02/14 04:12 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
I've been checking out 'mechanical keyboards' to use with my new computer. I like the feel and the 'spread' of the keys. I tend to hit hard and my fingers slip over to other keys on the newfangled ones that are so nice and flat. Only found 2 to try out at Best Buy. Geeee, they make so many, why don't they have demos to try?

Penelope arrived late, but was comfortably nesting on the trunk of my car, using the spoiler as a back rest. Cute. She's still resisting the red grapes. I've got to find some black ones. She is eating the roll I left for her.

Actually spitting a bit of rain. Not enough to matter, just wet the pavement a bit. Wish it would pour!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971243
08/02/14 04:50 PM
08/02/14 04:50 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Nan, Robert has a Predator's game tomorrow. Yes, I always spend too much. We also went to Staples and I bought a new touch screen laptop. I gave my other one to my grandson as the case on his cracked. They wanted to much to try to fix it with no guarantee it would work.


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971246
08/02/14 05:42 PM
08/02/14 05:42 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Good to hear from the Penelope Gazette. I'm going to subscribe to it. Sorta, I think she's got your number. Keep at that computer -it is not a laptop, right. My 8.1 is laptop and all I had to do is attach the asus mouse to it and away we go.

At 7:23 this AM it was 70 degrees and I felt cold. Lovely lovely weather. My daughter, Elaine, made home made tofu and it was quite a production and half way through she wondered why she started this anyway. Home made tofu is supposed to be delicious. She is vegan and looks great.

Happy Saturday what's left of it.


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971255
08/02/14 06:36 PM
08/02/14 06:36 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Nope Yankee, my new computer is an HP All-in-One desktop 19 inch screen. Very neat. Just a big screen which takes up not much room, speakers integrated, everything in it including the CD/DVD drive. Just connect a keyboard and mouse and it's good to go. I have a wireless mouse and my friend is buying me a Gaming Mechanical Keyboard. It's a MEKA G-1 Illuminated. Oh so great! I tried his, fits my wide fingers, needs a hard touch so it's not delicate and doesn't let me make a million mis-strokes. It's also going to have lighted keys so it can be seen in my computer under desk drawer in the dark. Neat! I had no idea they made mechanical keys anymore, but I guess the dedicated gamers use them a lot. Those little bubble pads on the regular keyboards just go flat after awhile and start causing problems. I was using a mechanical board on my old old old Pavilion and never realized it. I donated that to the thrift store before I knew. It was the wrong color anyway and wasn't a USB connect. Now I will have all NEW stuff and it should last me forever.

Penelope fan club? Sounds good. Maybe I should get her a facebook page? or Twitter account?

Last edited by Sorta Blonde; 08/02/14 06:38 PM.

WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971258
08/02/14 07:04 PM
08/02/14 07:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Sorta, you totally should make Penelope a FB page. You could be the next big thing!

Soot on the way back from the park with the boys. Son and I have been wrapping, cooking, and decorating! Whew puppy

Time for supper and then cake and ice cream and most importantly, presents. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #971279
08/02/14 10:19 PM
08/02/14 10:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi everyone. Just relaxing after a shift of 5:00 to 8:30. Easier to work an extra half an hour. Not so rushed. Hope you all had a great Saturday. I did. smile See you all in the AM. Another split shift tomorrow. Take care.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Midge] #971281
08/02/14 11:09 PM
08/02/14 11:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. See you in the morning. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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