When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn’t it?”
And thus began Frank's life of celibacy...
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I never knew this.
Penguins
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins
on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go ?
Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic
bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will
mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of
compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other
members of the family and social circle have been
known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial
wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for
the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle
around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Then they kick him in the ice hole."
You really didn't believe that I know
anything about penguins, did you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
-----------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
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And, my favorite is:
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumblin in the distance.
The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well......she's there.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Real Man
A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.
No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
Never mind.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Three days down, three hundred
THOUSAND to go.
Well it seems that way.
Right now I'm wishing I had some of that wine to go with my whining.
I think I'd like to join AA, but I have to get in the right condition first.
Not really
I've just had a very long hot day is all, and I have 3 more to go.
Have a thumping good Thursday everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Only in the 50's, and some places 40's, at night and mid to upper 70's for the daytime highs here! Hope it cools down for ya soon. Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!
