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Hump Day's #973011
08/12/14 11:51 PM
08/12/14 11:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think interior decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves.
Anna Quindlen (1953 - )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

AVERAGE:
Not too bright.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Has committed no major blunders to date.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Drinks heavily.

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
Opinionated.

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the law.

UNLIMITED POTENTIAL:
Will stick with us until retirement.

QUICK THINKING:
Offers plausible excuses for errors.

TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
Conceited.

TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS:
Buys drinks for superiors.

INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION:
Knows more than superiors.

STERN DISCIPLINARIAN:
A real jerk.

TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS:
Knows when to keep mouth shut.

APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC:
Finds someone else to do the job.

A KEEN ANALYST:
Thoroughly confused.

NOT A DESK PERSON:
Did not go to college.

EXPRESSES SELF WELL:
Can string two sentences together.

SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB:
Miserable home life.

CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL:
Scared.

METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
A nitpicker.

DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP:
Has a loud voice.

JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND:
Lucky.

MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE:
A snob.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:
Knows lots of dirty jokes.

STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES:
Stubborn.

GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE:
A coward.

SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE:
Stupid.

OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
Turns in work on time.

IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL:
Wanted by no-one else.

ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS:
An office gossip.

REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT:
Lazy and hard-headed.

HARD WORKER:
Usually does it the hard way.

ENJOYS JOB:
Needs more to do.

HAPPY:
Paid too much.

WELL ORGANIZED:
Does too much busywork.

COMPETENT:
Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.

CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN:
Pain in the ass.

WILL GO FAR:
Relative of management.

SHOULD GO FAR:
Please.

USES TIME EFFECTIVELY:
Clock watcher.

VERY CREATIVE:
Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.

USES RESOURCES WELL:
Delegates everything.

DESERVES PROMOTION:
Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Employee Assignments

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting or Sales.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are jittery and crazed from 2 hours without an internet connection, Computer Information Systems is their home.

If the room has a sweaty odor, put them in Help Desk.

If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, send them to Purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rain forests, Public Relations would suit them well.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Modern Love Letters

Things on the love landscape sure have changed over the years...

SAMPLE OF A MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dearest Samantha,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 2001.

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely, Max



MODERN REPLY TO MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dear Max,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.

However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous.

I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.

Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.

Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.

Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps, Samantha!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I get to sleep in today, which means I can stay in bed till 7:30 or even 8:00. woot


Of course that means I'll be working until 10:00 tonight. razz


Makes me tired just thinking about it. slapforehead


My 'Tired Card' has already been punched for the rest of the week. razz


I'm so tired of being tired. taz


I keep falling asleep with my finger on the enter key, and waking up with three feet of blank post. lol


Have a happy day, ok everyone? thumbsup




joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 08/12/14 11:53 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973027
08/13/14 02:32 AM
08/13/14 02:32 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have a great day Joe and all. smile wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973038
08/13/14 04:29 AM
08/13/14 04:29 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Coffee is ready . A rainy day today. Hope everyone has a great day! wave happydance


Gerry
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973057
08/13/14 06:00 AM
08/13/14 06:00 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers: wink

Joe, hope you get lots of needed sleep so you won't feel tired today.

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. yay

Rainy day here today. Looks like it will be a gaming day. woot


Gail
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973066
08/13/14 07:04 AM
08/13/14 07:04 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Routine visit with my Oncologist tomorrow morning. Danish, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Hump Day's [Re: connie] #973085
08/13/14 09:49 AM
08/13/14 09:49 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and enjoy your sleep-in!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973097
08/13/14 10:50 AM
08/13/14 10:50 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I were up with the sun to walk the monkeys. Not as hot out as on Monday, though definitely not cool. Came home soaked.

Doggies fed, yogurt on. Waiting for it to cool to proper temp so I can innoculate it. Then I might go back to bed for a bit.

Kitty has a vet appointment but since she's son's cat, and he is off, he will take her. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973100
08/13/14 11:19 AM
08/13/14 11:19 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe just don't think about it. lol Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula hve a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for coffee and have a lovely day!

Gail Happy Gaming!! Have a lovely day!

Connie prayers that all goes well with the doc appointment tomorrow. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

L4l have a nice little nap! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973112
08/13/14 12:09 PM
08/13/14 12:09 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
So far so good and quiet on the home front. Ailing kitty getting better and better. He's eating a lot of solid food and seems to LOVE the new shredded fish,tuna,sardine combo wet food I bought. In fact ALL the Outdoorsies love it. I think I started something while trying just a few cans.

Neighborhood quiet. Weird. Something is bound to happen. Yup, wait for it, wait for it...


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973113
08/13/14 12:18 PM
08/13/14 12:18 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
It was cold this morning, like 64 and I put on a sweater and in the middle of August. 4 cats cavorting around my little house and good appitites all around. I cleaned a room -hooray. Warming up now but low humidity.

ShemerBaby accompanied me all the way to the mailbox and kept ducking in front of my feet -and it's a long driveway- oh!! tries the patience. Then on the way home he disappeared into the woods, the good life.

Put together a large fruit cup to nusch on today, it should be refreshing.

And that's the day


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973116
08/13/14 12:32 PM
08/13/14 12:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Hi Ho Hi Ho, it's off to the river I go.

Happy hump day all! Taking the dogs for a run.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973134
08/13/14 03:48 PM
08/13/14 03:48 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973181
08/13/14 09:16 PM
08/13/14 09:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Time to cry "Uncle." Sweet dreams ya'll :sweet:


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973186
08/13/14 10:04 PM
08/13/14 10:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Oh Connie I missed your BB panakes. Maybe there will be more in the morning. I had a wonderful but busy day today. First on the agenda I had a bone density appointment then later on I had a chiropractic appointment, then I met Rob and the whole family for dinner. I was in heaven. What a day. But now it's time to call it a day as this old body is tired. I think I had plenty of exercise for one day....hear that Anasmile See everyone in the morning. Night all.kissy

Midgie hearts sleep woot dance taz yay broccoli rah


Just do it.
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973191
08/13/14 11:08 PM
08/13/14 11:08 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Go Midgie! Good for you on getting in your exercise! yay

L4L and SpaceQ, sweet dreams.

Nan, how are you doing?

Yankee, maybe Shermer didn't want you get the mail. lol

Off to bed for me...not sleeping well these days but still get up at the same time so it's wearing me down.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #973207
08/13/14 11:57 PM
08/13/14 11:57 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Soon Ana you will sleep well. I be doing OK!!! Thanks for asking.

Time here to call it a day! Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan

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