It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides.
George Sand (1804 - 1876)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Funny British Signs
A collection of seriously funny signs found in Great Britain, but could really be found pretty much anywhere...

1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs

3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.

4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)

6. OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

7. QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.

10. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car.

11. SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

12. NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

13. MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

14. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work.)

15. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Animal Thoughts
After watching that imbecile on television who claims to know what common household pets are thinking, it was decided that we too, would do the impossible...

Dog "They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl."

Goldfish "Just because I have a three-second memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes over and over............... Oh boy! Fish flakes!"

Dog "Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it? I already KNOW whose it is!"

Goldfish "The knight never comes out of the castle to fight me for dominion over the fish tank. So I must continue patrolling, for I am lord and master!"

Parrot "Tease, tease, tease! But do those greedy clowns ever really give me a cracker? HELL NO!"

Cat "Why are these people in my house?"

Dog "I don't care if you take the jewelry or money, but don't mess with the fridge."

Goldfish "Oh, tap-tap-tap! There's a new one!"

Cat "I wish he would stop kicking me down the stairs."

Dog "The 'pretending to throw a stick' game is getting old, but I seem unable to stop myself from looking for it."

Cat "Why did they put this service bell on my neck if they're not going to answer to it."

Dog "Why is the baby eating my food..."

Hamster "Kill me, this wheel is boring."

Iguana "Oh great, another day of being in this small little cage with my food bowl, my water and these annoying wood chips.

Gerbil "OH NO, not again!"

Dog "I bet if he could do that, he wouldn't be telling me to stop."

Cat "Oh no, he's picking me up to do another 'land on all fours off the balcony' test again."

Bunny "I wonder if she will notice I poo pood in her pillow case?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First Mammogram
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there�s no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!



Exercise 1

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn�t effective enough.



Exercise 2

Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.



Exercise 3

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next week and do it again!!



CONGRATULATIONS! Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your mammogram!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fitness Thoughts

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is!

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up?

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't jog... it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goood morning everyboomie.


Today I started back to work again.


It was really hard after being off for 12 whole hours.


All day long at work couldn't stop thinking about the sleep I missed.


They say lost sleep can never be recaptured.


I'll remember it fondly for the rest of my life, but it's time to start making new memories.


I'm going to try and make up for the lost sleep by dreaming that I'm sleeping at work.


Have a sleepy day a happy day everyone.



joe

Joe, thanks for the chuckles and hope you enjoyed your twelve hours off.

I have round 2 of soup making today. I made 6 gallons of soup yesterday.

Have a wonderful day all!

Ana

Good Morning Joe and Ana. Joe sleep well! Ana all that soup! You must have a huge freezer! Coffee is on. Happy Day wished for All!

Have a happy day Joe,Ana,Gerry and all who follow later.

You too Haroula!

Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Monday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and French Toast in the NC.

Good Morning Boomers:

Joe, enjoy your workday if possible.

Ana, I love homemade soup.

Gerry, thanks. I love coffee too.

Haroula happy day!

Connie, thanks for the Danish.

Got a routine Doc appointment this morning. Will take a nice walk with the dog when I get back. Wishing everyone a good day!

Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has a magnificent Monday
Off to the dentist this morning

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a wonderful Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!

Magnificent Monday ya'll

Up and out early with hubby and the pups. It was dark and humid Had a great walk. Home to coffee up and feed.

Just heard about a 1 ton gator pulled out of the Alabama River and

Internet problems yesterday -on off on off mostly off. I moved all my play games stuff into the small bedroom and all by myself and 1 very heavy desk but all done now -yippee. It looks kinda dorky but that's OK because everything I need to game is in 1 room now. Also it is a smaller room and therefor easier to keep cool -another yippee. And I have my playstation 3 and 4 connected to the same TV and I just swiiiing my chair around and there is playststion 2 and Snoopy vs the Red Baron another yippee. But best of all the kits like this cooler arraingment especially ShemerBaby -sleeepsleepsleep. In extreme comfort.

Ana, fine signature

Has anybody read the book, The Harbinger? The vet's assistant said it's quite good so it will arrive here tomorrow. So much to read, to game. Time's the problem

Cats fine, Smooch possum too although she'a running out of black grapes -will get some more. Do you suppose they like melon?

Happy Monday

Good afternoon Boomers.

Humm possums and melon, dunno. I never tried that. I know they prefer small bites, otherwise they leave bits all over. They LOVE Friskies fish flavor dry food. Right now, that's all they go for on the 'buffet'. Lots of pate, and shreds, and bits, but they are only eating the hard Friskies like crazy. I think my possum family likes apples. I cut them in little cubes and they disappeared fast.

So I ran out of my pain pills day before yesterday. The way my HMO has reorganized prescriptions, you have to order them on the DAY of the last order. So then you have to wait THREE days for the refill. This makes no sense at all. Thankfully it's not heart meds or other stuff I need daily. Gads. This time, I ordered and 7 days later...I finally got them, and almost didn't. We had a substitute mail gal and she rushes like crazy. So an hour after she delivered my mail I see her at my mailbox putting something in and then going a few houses away and doing the same. Then my other neighbor called and asked if the mail got delivered TWICE. Yup. She thought she was going nuts. I reassured her she was. and then of course told her the story. Guess the newbie just forgot to go through the 'other' bin of mail that had all the magazines and large items. Hope she isn't delivering MY mail to other people like one guy did when he subbed. Was a real mess for a few weeks.

No Penelope today yet. Can't tell if she's hunting elsewhere, or maybe gets penned up occasionally. Missing her a bit now. Silly me.

Ailing cat, Orange, still gobbling food, neck looks a bit better, hope it's healing. Still looks nice and pink and moist where the layer of skin came off. Area getting smaller each day so I think the skin will heal from the edges and he will be ok. He's sticking around under the feeding table sleeping and watching for food. I feed him 3 times a day now, his favorite shredded food in gravy. He seems to only like that one since I found it. Tuna, whitefish and sardines. Ugh. Smells but he's nuts about it and licks all the gravy first and comes back later for the shreds.

Finished 5 of 6 puzzles. Almost out of puzzles to do. Love matching them up. Love even more messing the finished puzzles and boxing them for donation. Sort of like toppling blocks or smashing a sand castle. Very satisfying.

Good evening everyone! So much to do, not enough hours in a day. I made another 3 gallons of beef vegetable soup. I'm done now. Trying to get my work done now. Pesky project doesn't do itself.

I hope you all had a wonderful Monday!

Well, book cooking was on the menu, but they are still raw. Off to bed. Will try again tomorrow.

Sweet dreams all

Nan, hope all is well, missed you today.

L4L, the books will still be there tomorrow.

Sweet dreams...