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Thump Day #975401
08/27/14 06:41 PM
08/27/14 06:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Learn From Movies
Things you would never know if it weren't for the movies...

Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.

One of a pair of identical twins is evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

It doesn't matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one... dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.

Honest and hard-working policemen are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach up to the armpits of a woman but only to the waist of the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.

It's easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down.

If someone says "I'll be right back", they won't.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in your head.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Learn From Children
Some things I've learned from my children over the years...

1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape.

5. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

7. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

8. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.

12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

13. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

15. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoe it does not leak-it explodes.

16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

18. Duplos will not.

19. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

20. Super glue is forever.

21. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

22. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

23. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

24. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

25. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

26. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.27. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

28. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

29. The fire department in Austin has at least a 5 minute response time.

30. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

31. It will however make cats dizzy.

32. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

33. Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

34. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave


Another day, another rerun. blush


I really hope you all have short memories, because many of these jokes are on the hundredth rerun. rolleyes


There is a guy at work who every time he sees me he tries to tell me a joke that I haven't heard before, and so far he's been unsuccessful. duh


Now when I see him I ask, "Heard any good jokes lately Allen?" snicker


I am always on the lookout for fresh material though.


Today is another 5 o'clock world, only is starts at 5 o'clock instead of ending then. happydance


You know the old saying, Early to bed, Early to Rise.......bla bla bla razz


THIS...is the Early to Bed part. sleep


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 08/27/14 06:43 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975409
08/27/14 07:12 PM
08/27/14 07:12 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 48,224
near Yosemite
Marian Offline
Global Moderator
Marian  Offline
Global Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 48,224
near Yosemite
Thanks for the laughs, Joe. thumbsup

I wish you all a good Thursday. smile

Ana, we are all thinking about you! flowers

Re: Thump Day [Re: Marian] #975410
08/27/14 08:04 PM
08/27/14 08:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
I hope everyone has a great Thursday, thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975434
08/28/14 12:12 AM
08/28/14 12:12 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope Allen finds some new jokes, Joe. lol Hope work flies for you today.

Have a great day, Marian.

Enjoy your Thursday, Space Quest.

It's late Wednesday night here, and I have kitty version Venus on my lap. kitty I'm off tomorrow, but I have to pick up my new iPhone for work. They're shipping our phones via FedEx, but not directly to our homes. We have to pick them up at a FedEx office. I may go tomorrow, or I may just wait until Friday afternoon depending on how much I feel like making the trip. Either way I'll have to log in to travel time and get paid for it, so at least there's that. smile Other than that, it's more gaming and singing for me tomorrow. thumbsup

Hope everyone has a terrific Thursday. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975455
08/28/14 04:46 AM
08/28/14 04:46 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Marian, SpaceQ, and venus. Coffee is ready. Joe hope work goes by fast. Marian enjoy your day. SpaceQ have a good one. Venus nice you get to spend more time with kitty Venus! Wishine all a peaceful day! wave


Gerry
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975464
08/28/14 07:00 AM
08/28/14 07:00 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Friends taking me to lunch today. It's the 6 month anniversary of hubby's passing. sad Ana, gentle Hugs, prayers you are not in a lot of pain. hearts To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thump day. Danish, Waffles, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975470
08/28/14 07:35 AM
08/28/14 07:35 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hello Boomers, hope you are all well!

Big hugs Ana and Connie hearts

Since I wound down on cake business hubby and I have been getting out and about almost every day, enjoying the great weather we've been having. We are both feeling the benefit now the stress is gone...I just had to learn to say 'no'! lol

To all here and all who stop by later, have a great day guys!

Mary wave hearts


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975476
08/28/14 07:53 AM
08/28/14 07:53 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers summer

Joe, early work--early getting home.

Marian, enjoy your day.

Space, a good day to you!

Venus enjoy your day off, new phone, gaming and singing.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, hugs.

Mary, glad you're enjoying some free time.

Ana, hugs and prayers out to you for a speedy recovery time. hearts

Not sure what's on the agenda today. A morning dog walk then whatever the day brings. Wishiung everyone a wonderful Thursday! kitty


Gail
Re: Thump Day [Re: GBC] #975493
08/28/14 09:08 AM
08/28/14 09:08 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,022
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,022
Unionville
Good morning boomers. wave Hope everyone has a terrific Thursday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Thump Day [Re: manxman] #975501
08/28/14 10:02 AM
08/28/14 10:02 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and happy Thump Day!

Ana and Connie, hearts Big hugs!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Thursday!! Four-day weekend starting tomorrow! Woohoo!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975508
08/28/14 10:46 AM
08/28/14 10:46 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe may work fly and go well. Only one more after today!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Marian have a lovely day!

Space the weekend is almost here and a long one at that. Have a lovely day!

venus nice you get a phone to use from work!! Enjoy the time off and have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for starting the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie HUGS!! Enjoy lunch out with friends! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Mary glad you and hubby are able to do things and enjoy the nice weather together!! Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy your dog walk! Hope that something fun pops up to do today. Are the kids back to school yet? Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Darlene Happy Friday!!!!! May work fly and all go smoothly!! Have a lovely day!

It is feast or famine. Last weekend there was the air show at the air base, the Dragonboat races, the tri-state fair, all weekend music jam at Bayfront Park, the mens softball tournament, and countless other things going on and now this weekend there is only the rodeo to choose from. duh

Ana gentle HUGS!!! Hope the meds are working and helping you to be as pain-free as possible!! Now it is time for the healing part and prayers that goes quickly and as well as possible!! HUGS!

wave
Nan

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975519
08/28/14 11:27 AM
08/28/14 11:27 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Gonna be a lovely day. 10 degrees cooler than yesterday, drier. All Outdoorises accounted for except the pesky Penelope Peacock. She's hunting elsewhere. I guess my supply of spiders and bugs dried up. Too bad, since I have some yummy mini marshmallows for her if she comes back.

Orange kitty looking better although he's licking off his fur all down his front. Guess it's to keep things clean and neat because he doesn't dare lick the 'oozy' places. He's doing pretty good, hungry, and meowing normally now.

Anxiously waiting for my friend with the Estate Executor stuff to call and see what the Lawyer said last night about the missing antique claw foot soaker tub that they ripped out when the company in charge of the estate sale obviously had a 'deal' with someone to buy it. Can't believe they actually CUT the pipes and capped them off and left an empty raised platform that was built for that tub. Theft for sure or just deception or who knows what. How can you rent a house now without the TUB???? Stupid people. Hope my friend stands up for the estate and gets something done. I've offered to help (I can be much more insistant). Waiting.

Trash day, not looking forward to an empty can since it means I have to CLEAN it. Ugh. Smells terrible after some old cat food managed to 'ripen' in the recent heat. Yuk!

Ah news of possums. We now have TWO adult possums eating at the food table at night. Haven't seen any adults for months and months. Maybe this year we get some babies? Been a few years since the little ones survived or came back. They might be feeding elsewhere and these ARE the babies. There were 2 last I saw them long ago. Usually one comes back to have the litter and then they all go away again. Lots of open land around for critters to live in happily.

Off to look for food.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975560
08/28/14 04:16 PM
08/28/14 04:16 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Afternoon All!

Good day wishes Manxman, Darlene, Sorta and Nan. One is off to school Nan and one gets a reprieve till after Labor Day. I'll miss them all day.


Gail
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975566
08/28/14 04:27 PM
08/28/14 04:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

Busy morning. Son was getting ready to head out with the boys to go camping for the first time. Well, the first time as the adult in charge of taking the kids and getting it all organized, bought, and loaded. He decided it was much more fun as the kid who just showed up and had fun every weekend. lol

Anyway, he is now in the car with the kids driving to South Carolina to meet his brother. 3 adults and 5 kids....they will have a blast.

Mary, so glad you are working on that "no" thing. That's a hard word for a lot of folks! Enjoy!

I've been doing a bit of cleaning and watching a webinar since the boys left. wave

Sorta, I would love to have that tub, but that sounds a bit extreme!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975589
08/28/14 08:14 PM
08/28/14 08:14 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
So updating the missing claw foot tub saga: Friend/executor called me after talking to the lawyer last night. Seems he doesn't want to hold up the 'finalization' of the will (he's got a big trip to Africa planned) so he called the sister of the deceased who is probably going to get the entire estate (the messed up will done by her 'friends' won't hold up in court' so the lawyer is pushing for the rightful 'legal heir' to get everything. The sister, called my friend to report about the advice of the lawyer (lawyer doesn't know about this call) and the sister told my friend that she was going to take the lawyer's advice and not fuss so the settlement would go quickly.

So I told my friend she tried, she did the right thing, the inheritor and lawyer were advised and all consciences are clear. Disappointing to say the least, BUT THEN: The sister called back this morning and after stewing about it all night and having her husband's input decided that the estate sales company actually STOLE from the estate and something had to be done no matter if it held up the settlement of the will.

So things are going to get interesting. She is contacting the lawyer and insisting that the shady people RESTORE the tub to it's rightful place along with all hardware and pay all costs for a plumber, etc. If they can't get the original back, they will be made to get one that is equal to what they stole. Good for her! I'm thrilled that even if it's a small matter, and a BIG estate (millions) that someone is going to stand up for what's right and good.

I'm sure the shady company doesn't want it's name mentioned on TV (friend told the lawyer it was an option). I think that's what made him call the sister/inheritor to see what she thought. I'm glad my friend listened to my advice and used all the 'right' words which I provided for her to get some results. Hope this all works out and the tub is restored and then the house can be rented or sold. Nice.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975601
08/28/14 10:50 PM
08/28/14 10:50 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #975606
08/29/14 12:20 AM
08/29/14 12:20 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Good Night Everybody!! Sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan

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