Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.
William Feather (1908 - 1976)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ALABAMA VERSION OF WINDOWS SEVEN

Windows XP may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS SAVEN with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plactic discn thangs.

Other features: Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff at does stuff
documents = stuff I done done

Also note that winders XP does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to winders XP
tiperiter...........a word processor
colering book.......a graphics program
addin mershene......calculator
outhouse paper .....notepad
jupe-box ...........CD Player
iner-net............Microsoft Explorer
pichers.............A graphics viewer
IRS.................M/S accounting software
IRS2.................M/S accounting software with hidden files

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Alabama edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHANGING A LIGHTBULB

How many country and western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change it; one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one; one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one; and one to go "Yeeeee-Haw!" and throw his hat in the air.

How many armies does it take to change a light bulb?
At least six: the Germans to start it; the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while; the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then run away;: the English to stand firm back home but not get anywhere near the bulb; the Americans to turn up late, finish it off and take all the credit; and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

How many members of parliament does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty-one: one to change it and twenty to take a six-week fact finding trip to the Bahamas to learn more about how it's done.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to sue power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place; one to sue the electrician who wired the house; and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.

How many trainspotters does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to change it; one to write down its serial number; and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup.

How many Belgians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it and one to serve it with chips and mayonnaise.

How many divorcees does it take to change a light bulb?
None: the sockets all went with the house.

How many Italians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan.

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change it and the other three to deny it was ever changed.

How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None: let the [blip] cook it in the dark.

How many Trotskyites does it take to change a light bulb?
It's no use trying to CHANGE it brothers, it's got to be SMASHED.

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one: but it takes eight months at $300 a day.

How many dogs does it take to change a light blb?
Two: one to change it, and the other to sniff the first one's behind.

How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.

How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb`?
Four: one to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it; one to accuse its owners of mistreating it; one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next six months; and one to eventually bring it back and say it was all done with the light bulb's best interests at heart.

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHEN MICROSOFT STARTS BUILDING CARS

1. The stereo system will only be able to listen to Microsoft FM and play Microsoft cassettes.

2. Oil, gas, and temperature gauges replaced by a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

3. To turn on the air conditioner, you will have to shut down the car for two minutes and restart it.

4. Occasionally, your car will stop and fail to restart, and you'll have to reinstall the engine to get it going again.

5. When you call the service department, they will tell you it's not their fault and blame it on the company that made the tires.

6. Before the airbag deploys, it will ask "are you sure?"

7. To make right turns, you will have to upgrade to Microsoft SteeringWheel 2.0.

8. Apple will make a car that's faster, more reliable, and easier to drive, but it will only run on five percent of the roads.

9. If you can't afford to buy a new car, you can just borrow one from a friend and copy it.

10. If you are involved in a crash, you will have no idea why.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOP TEN REASONS WHY COMPUTERS ARE MALE

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody's home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LAWYER ONE-LINERS

Q. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start!

Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q. Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy.

Q. What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A. A Lobotomy.

Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers?
A. Who cares?

Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers?
A. A waste of cement.

Q. How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A1. Shoot him before he hits the water.
A2. Take your foot off his head.

Q. How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A. Cut the rope.

Q. What do you do if you run over a Lawyer?
A1. Back over him to make sure.
A2. Make another notch on the steering wheel.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of sh*t?
A. The bucket.

Q. What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A. When a bus load of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q. What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A. There was an empty seat.

Q. What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A. Stick his bill up his ass.

Q. What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A. An offer you can't understand.

Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.

Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomie.


There are actually two good things about it.


It is morning, and I am off.


If it gets any better I'll let you know.


So you can celebrate that is.


Actually if it gets any better I might just think I'm dreaming.


Then again, if I think I'm dreaming then I won't have any reason to go to bed.


Probably not going to be a problem.


Just guessing.


Have a happy day everyone!



joe

Good morning Joe,and everyone Joe have a great day off!! Coffee is ready,wishing you all a great day

Good Morning Joe and Sue. Joe enjoy your day off. Sue thanks for the coffee. How are things with you? Wishing a peaceful day for everyone.

Have a fantastic day off, Joe!

Thanks for the coffee, Cailyn. Enjoy your Sunday.

Have a great day, Gerry.

I ended up just passing out last night as it was a long, exhausting (but fun, of course ) day with my friend and her kids yesterday. It's day two of my three day weekend. If feels very odd being off on Sunday. I imagine, according to what Thorsgoats has told me, that no one is doing my job (even though someone is supposed to), and that entire area is going to be a mess. Oh, well, it's not for me to worry about anymore.

Today will be a gaming and singing day, most likely. Though I probably won't have any more three day weekends any time soon, I should still be off on Sundays from now on, as well as Saturdays as I always was, so having just normal weekends will be a nice welcome change.

Okay, time to have some breakfast. Have a great Sunday, everyone.

Good morning boomies! It's going to be long day for me, I seem to be having claustrophobia attacks from wearing the sling and I had a rough night. I have 5 and a half more weeks to go with it so going crazy now is not in my best interest.

Have a great day all!

Good morning everyone. Big Hugs, Ana. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. I'm looking forward to the cookout tomorrow, but hubby will be missed. Danish, Bacon and Egg Sandwiches, and Cinnamon Apple Pancakes.

If it's not to much to ask please pray for Shawnee; woke to her having a grand mal seizure. I'm still shaking; it was so scary since all the years I've had dogs I've never seen one before. She's resting right now. Thank you.

Trippy, so sorry! How scary for you both. Prayers being sent.

Andrea, awesome news yesterday!

Good morning Boomers.

I'll be off and running in a little bit but wanted to stop and wish everybody a lovely but safe weekend!!

Ana HUGS! Sending prayers that your mind may come to terms with the sling!! HUGS!

Connie HUGS!!!

Trippy sending HUGS and prayers!!!

Have a safe and lovely holiday weekend all!!


Nan

Aww, Trippy, so sorry, hope she's doing OK now and nothing else happens.

Ana! A little story my Dad told me about when he broke his arm falling out of a tree when he was a kid. In those days, they didn't do casts, just strapped the arm across his chest with a tight bandage until it healed. Well, like you, Dad got claustrophobic and in a week tore the bandage off and that was that. Luckily his arm healed fine, but not being able to move it and being all strapped in just got to him.

I'm NOT suggesting you do the same! Follow the doc's orders and heal like you are supposed to. Be good now. On the other hand, maybe you could call the doc and explain and ask if there is ANY other way to secure your ouchie so you can sleep and function. Worth a try.

Thank you, Ana! I still feel like I'm walking about a foot off the ground, and can't really grasp the change totally yet. Knowing where you come from down to your DNA is something most people know from birth. Having people in your close family who look like you is taken for granted.
Don't get me wrong, I loved my adopted parents and grandparents very much, and I know they are watching from Heaven. I hope they approve.
I just feel like I belong now.
Consider your sling, brace, cast, whatever, as part of your current body, and accept it until it's gone. Fighting it makes it worse. I had to wear a neck brace for months after my spinal fusion, sleeping, showering, 24/7. If you can stop the negative thoughts about it and think positively, you'll make it through. Just put it out of your mind. You are a strong willed person. Don't let it overcome you.
Andrea

PS Prayers and special thoughts for Shawnee, Trippy.

Super Sunday ya'll

Busy day....been on the phone most of it, but that's ok. Then a little study time and now some sip and surf time.

Son and the boys will be home in a couple of hours. Much fun was had by all, but it rained hard last night and his brother had to leave early to get his girls home, so they all packed up and are making their way home. Son had the realization that camping was so much fun as a kid cos he didn't have to do any of the work They are talking about going back

Hubby made it to the UK, only to discover that our CC company didn't like the wireless provider where he is staying. That was one of my phone calls this morning. Got it all straightened out, and he has rejoined the 21st century.

Trippy, hugs and prayers.

Ana, I feel your pain. That bothered son too. Distraction is your friend.

Thank you; Shawnee has been restless most of the day, but finally laid down a slept for a couple hours. Talked to an on-call vet who said most of the time this can be a one time thing. Said it wouldn't hurt to give her a rimadyl and said she'd be available till Tues. when I can call Shawnees regular vet.

Good night Boomers.