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Hump Day's #976417
09/02/14 11:12 PM
09/02/14 11:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bar owner in the Old West has just hired a timid new bartender. The owner of the establishment is giving his new hire some instructions on running the place. He tells the timid man, "If you ever hear that Big John is coming to town, drop everything and run for the hills!! He's the meanest, biggest, nastiest outlaw who ever lived!!" A few weeks pass uneventfully. But one afternoon, a local cowhand comes running through town yelling, "Big John is coming to town!! Run for your lives!!!" When the bartender exits the saloon to start running, he's knocked to the ground by several townspeople scurrying out of town. As he's picking himself up, he sees a large man approaching the saloon, probably about 7 feet tall, muscular, grunting and growling as he walks. He stomps up to the door, orders the poor barkeep inside, and demands, "I want a beer NOW!!" He pounds his heavy fist on the bar, splitting it in half. The bartender nervously hands the big man a beer, hands shaking. He takes the beer, rips the top of the bottle off with his teeth, and downs the beer in one gulp. As the poor timid bartender cowers behind the bar, the big man gets up to leave. "Do you want another beer?" the bartender calls out. "Dang it, I don't have time!!" the big man yells. "I gotta get out of town!!! Didn't ya hear Big John is a-comin??"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The story is told of the Atheist who accosted a preacher. "Do you believe in eternal life?" The preacher has no time to reply. "Well its a load of rubbish!" shouted the Atheist. "I believe in science, evolution, survival of the fittest, and when we die, that's it! No eternal life, no great judgement, and no God!" The Atheist continues his assault against the preacher repetitiously and tirelessly. "Eternal life! Eternal life! Ha! "Its all pie in the sky when you die." When I die that's it, the end, no eternal life, no nothing. He continues, until he reaches his climax, "I will be buried six feet under when I die and that's it! Nothing! Caput! When I die I am utterly convinced that that will be the end of me!" "Well thank God for that" replies the preacher!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adam was walking outside of the Garden of Eden with Cane and Abel when the boys were young. Cane and Abel looked into the garden and viewed waterfalls, lovely birds, lush forests and fruit trees bending over because of the large amounts of fruit on them. Then they took a long look at where they lived at. It was dry, dusty with weeds and sickly-looking trees. "Daddy? Why don't we live in there instead of out here?" they asked innocently. Adam said, "Well sons. Eve and I use to live in there at one time. But your mother ate us out of house and home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel. The Pope proceeds onto HWY 95, and starts accelerating to see what the limo could do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the blue lights of the State Police in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. The trooper, seeing who it was, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in." The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how he should handle it. "It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?" replies the chief. "No Sir!" replied the trooper, "This guy's more important." "Is it the Governor?" replied the chief. "No! Even more important!" replies the trooper. "Is it the PRESIDENT??? replied the chief. "No! Even more important!" replies the trooper. "Well WHO is it?" screams the chief. "I don't know Sir." replies the trooper, "but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it. The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?" The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque." "Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down the bar, runs across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing a tune. And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Money or another miracle, or else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says, "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy." "Not so", says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Following the death of Quasimodo. the Bishop of the Cathedral Church of Notre Dame sent word throughout the streets of Paris that a new bellringer would need to be appointed. The Bishop decided that he would himself conduct the interviews, and went up into the belfry to interview the candidates. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him announcing that he was there to apply for the post.. The Bishop, incredulous declared, " My Son, you have no arms!" " No matter" replied the man. He then proceeded to strike the bells with his face, producing the most beautiful melody on the carillon. The Bishop was astonished, believing he had indeed found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But in rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry to his death in the street below. The Bishop, stunned rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beauty of the music they had heard, but a moment before. As they parted in silence to allow the Bishop through, one of the number asked " Bishop, who was this man?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother is reading a book to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" The wide-eyed little 3 year-old looks up at her mother and in her deepest voice replies, "Bud."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave


It's been a very long day. I worked about 3 hours, and then had to leave because my back was going out, andI didn't want it to leave me behind...........at work. taz


I'll have a busy day today. My brother is here again to do more work on the house, and 46 new cabinet doors that I ordered will be here between sometime this morning, and sometime other than this morning. yes


My brother never travels alone of course, but not with his wife. I don't think my SIL likes Southern Oklahoma. shame


Go figure. woot


My brother usually brings another clan member, like one of his 2000 grandkids, who is laying on the floor waiting for me to go to bed. yes


I believe I won't keep him waiting any more. razz


Have a happy day everyone. wave


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/02/14 11:16 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976421
09/02/14 11:22 PM
09/02/14 11:22 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope your back feels better, Joe! Have fun with your brother.

It's late Tuesday night for me. Today was hectic, traveling from store to store. I have another training day tomorrow, but at least this time, it's in a local store. thumbsup

Still could be a long day, though, and I have to be up early, so I'm off to sleep. Have a great Wednesday, everyone. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976423
09/02/14 11:57 PM
09/02/14 11:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Hope you feel better Joe!

venus, good luck training!

Have a happy day all1


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976439
09/03/14 04:57 AM
09/03/14 04:57 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, venus and Ana. Joe enjoy your visit with your brother. Venus Good Luck with the training. Ana hope you are doing well! Take care. Coffee is ready Happy Day to All! wave wave


Gerry
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976445
09/03/14 06:23 AM
09/03/14 06:23 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Joe, I hope your back is feeling better this morning. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, Waffles, and Muffins in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976465
09/03/14 08:03 AM
09/03/14 08:03 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Joe, wishing you a pain free day.

Venus, enjoy your training.

Ana, hope you're pain has eased some.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. rah

Connie, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Weather cooler than yesterday. A nice dog walk this morning. A little quiet around here with girls off to school. kitty


Gail
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976479
09/03/14 09:33 AM
09/03/14 09:33 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 28,972
Unionville
manxman Online content
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Online Content
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 28,972
Unionville
Good morning boomers. Joe, thanks for the laughs. lol Did you miss a punch line think
"I don't know, but his face rings a bell"
Hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Hump Day's [Re: manxman] #976483
09/03/14 10:02 AM
09/03/14 10:02 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Sorry to hear your back is aching! sad Hope this day is easier for you!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976488
09/03/14 11:00 AM
09/03/14 11:00 AM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Thanks manxman, I read that joke twice and never got it -of course- but you solved it. do you have a manx cat? Are they the ones with no tail -I bet they are great cats.

All ready to housework today then Amazon delivered, 2 movies and the ultimate edition of Diablo 3 and this includes reaper of souls. Now it isn't a fps but it will do. Ta-ta housework, too bad, maybe tomorrow and maybe not.

Nice weather, cooler mornings. My cats are getting luxurious furry coats -harbinger of a cold winter maybe. Around January I'll wish for August.

Enjoy you day everyone


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976489
09/03/14 11:08 AM
09/03/14 11:08 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Aw Joe, hope that your back is better today! Sounds like you have your work cut out for you with all those doors. Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Yeah venus, you get to be closer to home today! Good luck training. Have a lovely day!

Ana how are things going there? Hope the pain has become very miner and that you have "bonded" with that sling. HUGS! Have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the goodies in the corner and have a lovely day!

Gail have a nice walk with Nina and maybe some gaming with the volume up so it's not as quiet! lol Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Darlene may work fly and you have a lovely day!

Yankee happy Gaming!!!! More fun then housework any day! lol Things are cooling off here also but I'm still waiting for Summer. We have had like 2-3 days of 80's and that's it. The rest have mainly been 60's with a few 70's. Who knew.

wave
Nan

Last edited by auntiegram; 09/03/14 11:13 AM.
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976535
09/03/14 03:41 PM
09/03/14 03:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Hot day! Vet visit first thing. Seagy got a thumbs up. Don't have to go back for a month happydance Big ole storms out right now. Hubby should be calling any minute wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976552
09/03/14 04:55 PM
09/03/14 04:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976575
09/03/14 07:35 PM
09/03/14 07:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good evening all. I had a great day off. Spent the morning with my best friend. I love her dearly. Then this afternoon I had to go to Waltham to the pain clinic. An uneventful trip but it took 2 hours to get home which usually takes under an hour. Bad timing.

I hope you're all enjoying your Wednesday. Just relaxing now. I have the morning off so I can sleep in in the morning. yay

See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976577
09/03/14 07:57 PM
09/03/14 07:57 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Nice visit with hubby. Technology sure can make life nice when it works.

Then a big ole thunder storm which upset the dogs. It has passed now so I think I'm gonna go feed the monkey men (and woman). wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day's [Re: looney4labs] #976586
09/03/14 09:14 PM
09/03/14 09:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everyone. wave

I tried to post earlier today, but had to run out and meet the Fedex truck, and unload doors, and after that I was busy all day. shocked

I didn't go in to work today. My back was still in a pinch, and I was using an ice pack and brace all day.

My brother and his grandson were working with the pressure washer, cleaning the gutters, and brick and sidewalks.

After the doors got here we unpacked them and took inventory, and then I started working on hanging them.

It is very difficult getting those things hung level, straight, and working properly.


On a sad note my niece moved back to Arlington today, taking the little princess with her of course. cry

I miss the little tyke already. I guess it's back to being Grumpy. lol

My sister will be moving down there in a couple of weeks. Back to being Happy. woot

Alone again, naturally. penguin

Tomorrow I will attempt going back to work, but don't go in till 1:00.


I hope everyone had a great day. yay


Bets I'm so sorry for your loss.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976595
09/03/14 10:52 PM
09/03/14 10:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Joe, sounds like a busy day for you!

Off to bed with me. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day's [Re: gymcandy1] #976603
09/03/14 11:50 PM
09/03/14 11:50 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
HUGS Bets!!!

Joe for not working today you sure did a lot of work. lol Hope the back is better tomorrow.

L4l a good Seagy checkup is always a plus!!

We'll time to star looking for my pillow. Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!

sleep
Nan

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