All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire.
Aristotle
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Tommy and Johnny were having an argument.
Tommy said, "My Dad is stronger than your Dad."
To this, Johnny argued, "Oh yeah? But my Momma is better than your Momma."
Tommy replied, "I suppose so. Even my Dad says the same thing."
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At the Gates of Heaven, all entrants were being checked to confirm their identity before they were let in.
The angel asked the first man in line, who was a tycoon from Chicago."What have you achieved in your life?"
The tycoon replied, "I made it big in the steel business. I didn't keep everything to myself. I distributed my money among my entire family, so the next 4 generations will not have to worry."
The angel invited him in.
He asked the next man in line about his achievements.
It was a stock broker from New York. He said, "I made millions at NYSE. But I was not selfish like the Chicago guy to keep all my wealth in the family. I donated a few millions to orphanages around the world."
"That's good" said the angel and invited him in.
The next man in line was trying not to make eye contact. When the angel asked him, he replied, "I made only seven thousand dollars in my whole life."
"Good Lord", said the angel. "Which instrument did you play?"
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Nancy was employed in the Human Resources department of a large multinational. Having graduated recently from college, her job was to impart training to employees in corporate dress code and conduct.
She was stepping into the elevator one day when a man sporting a french beard, and dressed casually in cargoes and t-shirt, entered with her.
Reminded of her responsibilities, Nancy taunted, "Dressed a little too casually for a Thursday, aren't we?"
The man with the french beard replied, "Just one of the perks of owing the company!"
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Lisa asked her husband Jack, "Do you know who scored the maximum goals in the 1990 Football World cup?"
Jack replied, "Yes, it was Salvatore Schillaci of Italy.6 goals.Why did you ask?"
Lisa says, "And you didn't remember our marriage anniversary was yesterday!!!"
Later, Jack says to his friends at the bar, "I couldn't even tell her I suffer from a poor memory!"
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Priest James Asher was upset. There were so may people who had been confessing that they were unfaithful to their spouses, partners etc. He was tired of hearing it time and again. He would be turning 60 this May and he wanted to root out the word "unfaithful" from his life. He spread the word that he had had enough of the word "unfaithful" and he did not want to hear it again. Anybody who went to James Asher's confessional would now have to use the word "slipped". So if you have been unfaithful to your wife, you would say you slipped. Gradually, people accepted it and the priest was happy with the change he made.
A couple of years later, priest James Asher retired and his place was taken by a young priest, Alex from out of town. It didn't occur to anyone to warn the young priest about the change of word in the confessional. After hearing the confessions in the first week, priest Alex went to see the municipal governor. He said to the governor, "Sir, the streets in this town need cleaning and maintenance. I hear all the time that people are slipping everywhere."
The municipal governor immediately understood the situation and what was wrong here. He just laughed out loud.
Priest Alex, puzzled by this behavior, said to the governor, "This is no laughing matter, Gov. Why, your wife told me that she slipped twice last week!"
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Martha had arranged for a carpool for her daughter Juliet to go for her tennis classes. It was her turn on Wednesday, but her husband had the car. She felt awkward to tell the woman with whom she had the carpool arrangement, that she would not be able to take her turn. Since it had to be done, she called the woman and explained. The other woman agreed and just a few minutes before she was due to arrive, Martha's husband showed up. It was too late for her to call her carpool partner and explain that she could make it after all. So she asked her husband to park the car in the garage and close the garage door.
Martha instructed her daughter Juliet that she should feign ignorance about her father's whereabouts. Everything was set but the husband did not remember to shut the garage door. He was chatting with a friend right in front of the garage with the door open! Came along the carpool friend and took Juliet for the tennis classes.
When Juliet returned, Martha asked her if the carpool friend had noticed.
"She did", replied Juliet. "She asked me which one of the two men in front of the garage was my father. I told her I have no idea"
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Good morning everybody.
In a rush to get to bed, as usual. I have to get up early.
Who knows, maybe I'll learn something exciting in the meeting tomorrow.
Boy oh boy I wish all jokes made me laugh that hard.
That was so funny I snorted milk through my nose.
I wasn't even drinking milk!!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Have an easy peasy day!
