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Sip & Surf Sunday #978317
09/13/14 11:03 PM
09/13/14 11:03 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Walk through life eager and open to self-improvement and that which is going to best help you evolve, because that's really why were here: to evolve as human beings.
Oprah Winfrey (1954 - ), Stanford Commencement Adress, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 commandments
The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme
Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post

Thou Shalt Not Steal,
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,
and Thou Shall Not Lie

in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile
work environment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two blonde carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"

The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.

The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches."

"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer.

"Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A workman was killed at a construction site. The police began questioning a number of the other workers. Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime suspects. They were a motley crew:
The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.

The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time.

The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past. He still claims that he didn't do anything; that he was framed.

The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.

The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.

The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.

The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.

The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter, who subsequently confessed. The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And the nominees this year are:


9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gasmask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and killing herself As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas Company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark.

To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. His peers had never thought of the technician suspected of causing the blast as 'bright'.

AND THE WINNER...

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism.

Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But, because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years -- say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yes I am, but you started it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandfather is paying for. Pucker up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and read from the menu. "I'd like one under-cooked egg so that it's runny, and one over-cooked egg so that it's tough and hard to eat. I'd also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it's impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee." "That's a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult." The guest replied sarcastically, "It can't be that difficult because that's exactly what you brought me yesterday!"
~~~~~~~~~~~

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same
way - 'Take a clean dish."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I've been up since 4:30, and I'm way past tired. tired


Sunday is early too so I am going to bid you all a pleasant evening, and wish you a happy day. thumbsup


OK.............? wink


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978319
09/14/14 12:10 AM
09/14/14 12:10 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sorry it's such an early day for you Joe. I hope you are home before you know it.

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978322
09/14/14 02:37 AM
09/14/14 02:37 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who come in the
diner later. wave
Have all a relaxing Sunday. happydance smile


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978328
09/14/14 05:07 AM
09/14/14 05:07 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana and Haroula. Joe and Ana hope you both get some sleep. You're up late! Haroula enjoy your day. Coffee is ready. Happy Day wished for All! wave wave


Gerry
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978333
09/14/14 06:44 AM
09/14/14 06:44 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and some shopping today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Ham, Sausage, Home Fries, BB Pancakes, and Toast in the NC. Ana, I hope you are feeling better today. Hugs hearts


Connie
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: Haroula] #978338
09/14/14 08:02 AM
09/14/14 08:02 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Gerry, Connie and all my fellow Boomers. Have a relaxing Sunday. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978345
09/14/14 09:38 AM
09/14/14 09:38 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has a sunny Sunday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978349
09/14/14 10:34 AM
09/14/14 10:34 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Aw Joe I hope you slept fast and woke up refreshed! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Ana hope you are sleeping better now and that the left hand is doing better for you and the shoulder is healing well! HUGS!!! It is hard to be without the use of a bady part. Have a lovely day! hearts

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the hot coffee this morning. Not as cold out there as yesterday...only went down to 47F. Have a lovely day!

Connie enjoy the breakfast out and happy shopping!! Thanks for all the goodies and have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978360
09/14/14 12:09 PM
09/14/14 12:09 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
'We're having a heat wave...a tropical heat wave..." Ugh. Supposed to be 90's and up here today. AND it's the opening game of the Chargers vs. Seattle. Imagine the HEAT in our stadium? There will be a sea breeze, but oh my! My neighbor's son is going to the game. Hope he takes lots of sunscreen and a truck of water. I can just see the medical staff there being overloaded with heat related emergencies. Yesterday, inland a bit, in 106 degree heat, a nice lady, went for a HIKE up a mountain to celebrate her 80th birthday. Can we nominate her for the Darwin Awards? She was airlifted out and will be OK, thank goodness.

Then again, I shouldn't criticize because back in 2000 I went for a hike, in the desert, up mountain cliffs, in 120 degree heat (didn't know it was going to be that hot) and I got airlifted (by CHP helicopter) to the hospital, just in time. Whew. How stupid was I? It only takes one little moment to forget nature is much more powerful than we are. Wrote a nice story about it that was published in the national CHP magazine, thanking the police/paramedic who saved my life. It's my cherished possession and reminder to not be stupid. It's also terribly funny. Lovely reading.

I'm staying inside all day except for a short trip to Costly Co for food for me and the cats. I'm out of everything.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: Sorta Blonde] #978384
09/14/14 05:20 PM
09/14/14 05:20 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer
luv2travel  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
Where did you hike in the desert, Sorta?
Andrea wave

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978413
09/14/14 09:32 PM
09/14/14 09:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good evening boomies! Much much better day today. I took a 4.5 mile walk and then hubby came home and we took the dogs to the river and walked another mile. I'm tired. lol

Nan, check your email please. hearts

Quiet here today, where did everyone go?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978415
09/14/14 10:05 PM
09/14/14 10:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I'm here Ana. Just came in the door to the diner. Home from work. I went to my g'son Sawyer's b'day today. He's 8 today. Boy how time flies. Saw Rob in the middle of the whole family. He has a beard for awhile anyway, and looks just like his father looked when Bob grew a beard, and I told him so' wow, just like him. Jen sent me home with some chicken, grilled. I ate it after I came home from work tonight. Delicious...mmmmm.

Tomorrow I have the morning off yay I'll try to sleep a little later than 5:15. Hope you all had a good day off. Ana good to see you took a walk today. Do I have to remind you to please take it easy while your body heals? No? Good.See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978416
09/14/14 10:08 PM
09/14/14 10:08 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer
3dobermans  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
Evening all; thought I was getting a lot done today, that is until I felt a nap was in order. So nap I did.

Hope all are well and may Monday start off well.


Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #978417
09/14/14 10:14 PM
09/14/14 10:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Midgie, the doc said I can walk all day...it is the only thing I can do. Not even on a treadmill and no power walking. I spend a lot of time smelling the flowers along the way. grin
I bet it's weird seeing how much Rob looks like his dad. Kind of bittersweet. 4 more weeks and I'll be having a grandson too! Can't wait!

Trippy, hope you are feeling better now. How are the pups?


Don't feed the Trolls
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