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Thump Day #978939
09/18/14 12:09 AM
09/18/14 12:09 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3) Insist that your e mail address is:
Xena-Warrior Princess@companyname.com
or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it.

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

10) Reply to everything someone says with,'That's what you think.'

11) Finish all your sentences with:'In accordance with the prophecy.'

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13) Don't use any punctuation.

14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15) Ask people what sex they are and laugh hysterically after they answer.

16) Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go.'

17) Sing along at the opera.

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3.

21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23) Call 999 and ask if 999 is for emergencies.(don't do this!)

24) Call the physic hot line and don't say anything.

25) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, 'I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!'

27) When leaving the zoo,start running towards the parking lot, yelling, 'Run for your lives,they're loose!'

28) Tell your boss, 'It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do.'

29) Tell your children over dinner.'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.

30) Every time you see a broom, yell 'Honey, your mother is here!'

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....
31) Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
~~~~~~~~
God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
~~~~~~~~
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?" "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from?"
~~~~~~~~~
At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do.
~~~~~~~~~
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are not real.
~~~
When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard to get back on your feet.
~~~~~~~
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
~~~~~~~~~
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."
~~~~~~~~~~~

A devout, good couple were about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to be married, saying it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union.

He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait. It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them. They were married in a simple ceremony.

So things went on for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together. They went back to St. Peter, and said, "We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?"

"Are you kidding?" said St. Peter. "It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I'll never get a lawyer."
~~~~~~~~~~~


LITTLE KNOWN FACTS


Barbie's full name is Barbara Milicent Roberts.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.

A shrimp's heart is in their head.

People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, you're heart stops for a mili-second.

In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so).

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.

By law, every child in Belgium must take harmonica lessons at Primary school.

On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.

{Yay!! I have 2,968 more times.} bravo

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

Rats and horses can't vomit.

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

A duck's quack doesn't echo anywhere, and no one knows why.

23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Cat's urine glows under a black light.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

If you keep your eyes open by force, they will pop out. (I gotta try that on my sister) happydance

You should see her head turn around backwards. woot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomie. welcome


We have someone coming to 'view' the house today, so I'll be spending most of my time inside getting things cleaned up and perfect...ish. grin


One of my brothers will be down today, and the other of my two older brothers will be down tomorrow, so we can get some more repairs done. yay


It's about time I had some help. I'm telling you there's nothing left of my behind after yesterday. wink


"Big in the butt like Jabba the Hutt" is not a phrase that was ever said about me. haha


Did I say that out loud?? shocked


Have a happy day everyone.



joe






Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/18/14 12:11 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #978942
09/18/14 01:01 AM
09/18/14 01:01 AM
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,440
47.79N, 122.24W
BobH Offline
Addicted Boomer
BobH  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,440
47.79N, 122.24W
I have a hard time seeing Barbie as having a middle name of Milicent. smile

Good morning all. It is good night here. Off to bed.


Bob
As I've grown older, I've found that my memory is not as good as I used to think it was.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #978951
09/18/14 04:02 AM
09/18/14 04:02 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning and have a great day Joe, BobH and all who come in after me. wave

We have a very early start this morning, which is always hard, but at least that means I'll get off earlier than usual even though my day will be long. yes I think once I'm officially on my own, I'll always start really early so I'll have the rest of my afternoon to practice and do other things. thumbsup That is if I ever get my assignment, of course. lol

Okay, off to finish getting ready. Have a great Thursday, everyone. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Thump Day [Re: BobH] #978952
09/18/14 04:03 AM
09/18/14 04:03 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,BobH waveQuiet in here this morning so I'll tippy toe around while making the coffee! Happy day wished for all puppy


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #978955
09/18/14 05:19 AM
09/18/14 05:19 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, BobH, venus, and Sue. Joe good luck with the house showing. Hope it sells quickly! BobH have a nice day. Venus hope you find out your store assignment soon. Sue it is quiet this morning. Thanks for the coffee. Wishing everyone a wonderful day. wave wave


Gerry
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #978959
09/18/14 05:36 AM
09/18/14 05:36 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning and have a great day all. happydance smile wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #978961
09/18/14 05:49 AM
09/18/14 05:49 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
A Good Morning to you Haroula and a Happy Day too! wave wave


Gerry
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #978965
09/18/14 06:44 AM
09/18/14 06:44 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Joe, hope the house showing goes well.

Bob, good morning.

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Venus, have a nice workday.

Sue, coffee please and thank you.

Gerry, a wonderful day wished for you also.

Nan, Nina is doing good. She loves her morning walks.

Connie, good morning when you come in.

Ana, wishing you an easy day today.

Wishing everyone a super good day today! puppy


Gail
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #978966
09/18/14 06:48 AM
09/18/14 06:48 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Joe, congrats on finding your new house. I'm missing hubby even more than usual today. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thump day. Danish, Muffins, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #978992
09/18/14 10:08 AM
09/18/14 10:08 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe good luck with the house showing and glad you are getting some help with the repairs! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Bob have a lovely day!

venus early to rise and get the day started is a good thing! May work go well. Have a lovely day!

Sue thanks for starting the coffee. Have a lovely day!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gail have a nice Nina walk and a lovely day!

Connie HUGS!!!!!!! Thank you for the danish and have a lovely day!!

Off to chop up veggies for the salad bar!!

wave
Nan

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #979000
09/18/14 11:29 AM
09/18/14 11:29 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I'm thinking of hanging a bell on my left hand so that if I put it over my head when I sleep it'll ring. lol The last couple days my carpal tunnel was so much better and I awoke with pain 3 times last night because I sleep with my left arm above my head. Today I am back in the brace. UGH!

Connie, big hugs to you. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel.

be back...


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #979006
09/18/14 12:17 PM
09/18/14 12:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

Countdown is down to hours happydance Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning!

Son is down with a migraine. He's been fighting it for days! He took the kids to school this morning. As soon as the sun hit him in the face, his tummy rebelled. He made it home in between stopping on the side of the road and has been collapsed in bed since then.

Ana, it's so hard to police yourself while you are sleeping. Hugs!

Connie, I can't imagine. Big hugs! wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #979009
09/18/14 01:02 PM
09/18/14 01:02 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Prayers for hubby's sis and the family please. They have removed all IV's, and called in hospice. The doctors say she has no more than 2 weeks. Norma is in Atlanta with her youngest son and daughter in law. Norma was the family member I was always closest to. It's been a very bad year. Our oldest son has lost 30 lbs in 2 months and won't go to see a doctor. I think he is afraid of what they will tell him. His brothers are trying to change his mind. He will be going out of town again next week.


Connie
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #979013
09/18/14 01:22 PM
09/18/14 01:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Prayers and hugs Connie. hearts

L4L, so sorry to hear of sons migraine. I wish I lived closer to give him a migraine med.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: connie] #979016
09/18/14 01:56 PM
09/18/14 01:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
luv2travel Offline
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luv2travel  Offline
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Posts: 2,256
Phoenix, AZ USA
L4L, I am so sorry to hear about son's problems. Poor Jer. Is he still paying child support? It seems she should be paying him and you. (IMHO) I'm meeting my birth family the first weekend of Oct. hopefully.
Connie, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Your son really needs to see a Dr. It ccould be something manageable like diabetes. I lost weight for no reason when I came down with it. I always think it's better to know than to hide from it till it's too late to fix it.
Ana, feel better soon my friend. Take care of yourself.
Everyone have a sweet day and enjoy life. Hug somebody and pass it on!
Andrea wave

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #979017
09/18/14 02:19 PM
09/18/14 02:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Oh Gosh, Connie, I hope he faces his fears soon and goes to see a doc. I know you are worried. So sorry about Norma.

Me too, Ana. He has to soldier on when the kids are here, and then tries to "recover" when they are gone. I've made some rubs and diffusions from my EO's, and hope they help.

Andrea, yes, and it infuriates me (I keep reminding myself to let it go so I don't have a stroke) They have a lawyer that works for free so any changes will cost us multiple thousands in lawyer fees. And yes, she should be paying as she hasn't had the kids for more than 2 hours at a time in weeks. And not more than 36 hours in a row since May. But as son says, at least we know they are being taken care of now. <sigh>

Where are you meeting your family?

Off to clean the bedroom! 4 hours til Soot Time!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #979023
09/18/14 03:24 PM
09/18/14 03:24 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
3dobermans Offline
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3dobermans  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
Connie, prayers for you and family.

Thanks for asking, Ana, feeling much better and after losing about 9 lbs do believe I'm regaining weight.

Have a great day all.


Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #979030
09/18/14 04:17 PM
09/18/14 04:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
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Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #979039
09/18/14 04:23 PM
09/18/14 04:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Trippy, glad you are feeling better. wave

Hi ya, Space wave

edit: The eagle has landed. Sweet dreams all sleep

Last edited by looney4labs; 09/18/14 09:28 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thump Day [Re: looney4labs] #979065
09/18/14 10:09 PM
09/18/14 10:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night looney. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #979067
09/18/14 10:19 PM
09/18/14 10:19 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
SpaceQ, hope all is well.

TRippy, glad you are putting on some weight and feeling better.

Sweet dreams all....


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #979068
09/18/14 10:26 PM
09/18/14 10:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hey Trippy. wave. Glad you are putting weight on also.

I'm calling it a day, I have an early shift in the morning. See you then.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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