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Thump Day #980003
09/24/14 06:32 PM
09/24/14 06:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
Fran Lebowitz (1950 - )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."
~~~~~~~~~~

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked 'em, I've roasted 'em, I've stewed 'em, I've barbequed 'em, I've even tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and their sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah ha!" he replies. "No wonder.. those are friars!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Criminal Hall of Shame
Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people -- many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also breaking the law. To these brave men and women -- ooops, "women and men" -- we present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame."

Following are their accounts ..

Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.

England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, showed up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realized that the tourist did not know what a "handicap" was. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics were found in the golf bag.

Germany: Oil of Olay no longer turning the trick for her, a woman decided that she would bathe in the milk of a camel (a modern-day Cleopatra). So she stole a camel from the local zoo (where *else* can you find a camel when you need one?) and transported it back to her house--where she realized that the camel's name was "Otto."

Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.

Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.

(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was, (2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help..

Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house and returned to the pickup truck only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.

(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.

She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me.. the whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Prayer Before Dying

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

An applicant was filling out a job application.

When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Another day down, and as I type this one my bed time is rapidly approaching. rolleyes


Gee it seems like I just got home, and I've hardly done anything, but eat dinner, and shower. duh


I had a good day at work, a busy day of putting up Christmas decorations. penguin I think I need a little fat Santa smiley here MaG. kissy


Couldn't call it a fun day. On most days I work alone, and I'm just no fun to work with. thumbsdown


My department manager is on vacation this week. He and I worked together for about 7 hours Sunday, and had a good time. yes


I really do like my own company, but sometimes it's not enough. wink


Have a happy day everyone.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980015
09/24/14 08:13 PM
09/24/14 08:13 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Joe you crack me up. Thanks for opening the diner again. Any favorite jokes over the years? I have the morning off, then work at the 5 to 8.5 shift. I hope you all have a super day.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980018
09/24/14 08:44 PM
09/24/14 08:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I'm sure you'd be great to work with! hearts

Midgie, glad you get to sleep in a bit! yay

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980024
09/24/14 10:35 PM
09/24/14 10:35 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a terrific Thursday Joe, Midge, Ana and all who come in after me. wave

I'm getting to sleep later than I wanted to, as we had a gas leak tonight. eek The fire department showed up to clear it out, and then the maintenance man showed up after that. So I'm just going to bed now, and I have to be at work at 5 am tomorrow. crazy I'll also have to lock the cats up, as the maintenance man may be back with the part for the stove tomorrow when I'm at work.

And now I'm off to get what little sleep I can before I have to be up at 3:30. Have a great Thursday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980026
09/24/14 11:09 PM
09/24/14 11:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
Sorry you are late venus, but sure glad you didn't fall asleep with a gas leak!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #980036
09/25/14 12:58 AM
09/25/14 12:58 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Hi Boom Boom Buddies

Hi Joe, Midge, Ana, Venus wave

I will NEVER have a stress test again!
it was AWFUL! felt like a 1,000 pounds on my chest and it hurt so bad i burst into tears and i don't cry easy cry
I know my heart is bad so why do they make ya go through unnecessary pain? not fair! mad
times like that i really miss my feet lol

glad that's over~ dance




Bella got her new heating pad she is one happy camper doggie puppy



Have a nice day all Boomers~ Karen catrub kitty cat


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980040
09/25/14 01:52 AM
09/25/14 01:52 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning all,have a great day happydance smile wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980048
09/25/14 05:32 AM
09/25/14 05:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Midgie, Ana, venus, Karen and Haroula. Joe How could any one not want to work with you! Midgie nice you have the morning off. Venus hope your work day is shorter since you go in so early. Karen sorry you had to go thru that. Haroula enjoy your day. Coffee is on! Happy Day to All! fall


Gerry
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980063
09/25/14 07:00 AM
09/25/14 07:00 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, have a great day!

Ana, enjoy whatever plans you have today.

Midgie, enjoy the morning off.

Karen, glad your test is over. Now you can relax. Bella got the good life. catrub

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee,

Venus, glad the gas leak was discovered.

Probably going to rain here today. We need it. Looks like a gaming afternoon. woot


Gail
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980065
09/25/14 07:21 AM
09/25/14 07:21 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thump day. Danish, Apple Cinnamon Buns, and Bacon and Eggs in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980072
09/25/14 09:07 AM
09/25/14 09:07 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll wave

Hubby and I popped up after the sun but in time to get to the park and walk the monkeys. Very pleasant outside. Now it's nap time. sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980081
09/25/14 10:06 AM
09/25/14 10:06 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
Karen, so sorry you had to go through that hearts I'm glad it's behind you.

Have a great day everyone!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980091
09/25/14 10:27 AM
09/25/14 10:27 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe sometimes it is good to work alone but other times it is great to have someone else there to work with! Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Midge enjoy the sleep-in!! Have a lovely day!

Ana any fun plans today? I see your grandson is due on Abbi's birthday. lol Only four years later. Have a lovely day!

venus so glad you discovered the leak before you went to bed! eek There would be a different outcome. Hope you slept fast and awoke refreashed and ready for the day! Have a lovely day!

AW Karen HUGS!!!!!! So sorry they put you through that. Glad you made it and it is over and done now! Bella's not spoiled, is she. lol Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the danish and have a lovely day! HUGS!

Gail good plan for a rainy day! It looks like rain here also but I will be chopping things up for the salad bar for tomorrows fish fry! Have a lovely day!

L4l glad it was nice out for your run in the park! How are all the furry ones doing? Enjoy the nap and have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980097
09/25/14 11:31 AM
09/25/14 11:31 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
Nan, I really hope my grandson stays on schedule. I get my sling off the 7th and then I can at least drive left handed to the hospital if need be. I am her labor coach. I don't fit in the drivers seat with the 6 inch wide sling pillow that separates my arm from side so there is no way to drive. Otherwise I have to take a cab if hubby isn't home.

I am going out with daughter to a private pre sale for baby stuff. It's only twice a year and it's fantastic.

What are you up to today?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980104
09/25/14 11:59 AM
09/25/14 11:59 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
I empathize with you venus! I was rudely awakened at 2:30 am by a nutsy guy all about the empty house I'm constantly watching. He called because he heard men and saw the door open and panicked and called the cops on 911. A little excessive, but at least he tried to do the right thing. Wrong thing was to call ME at 2:30 am. I couldn't go back to sleep till 3:45 and then kept waking up. Thank goodness it wasn't dangerous like your gas leak (scary). But now I'm sleep deprived too and only half here. Ugh!

Hoping for a calm day, but I feeeeeel it in my bones it's gonna get crazier. Oh dear. My good friend, who I just ate lunch with on Tuesday, called me at 7:30 am! Thank goodness she has a totally recognizable voice as the call started out with obscenities and threats to burn my house down etc. All in good fun, but sleepy me and then early call. Turns out she was looking for a TV show I'd told her about, got the name wrong and was going nuts trying to find the listing. She even called the local cable company and they couldn't find it either. It was Forever (fun little detective drama about a guy who lives forever). She thought the name was 'Ever' and went nuts trying to locate it. Lovely. Had a nice chat about things and then I got up.

Can hardly wait to see what happens next in my crazy life. scared insane


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Thump Day [Re: Sorta Blonde] #980120
09/25/14 01:37 PM
09/25/14 01:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Thump Day goes easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's been a relaxing week. Best bud and her Hubby flew out from Chicago for daughter's wedding. Having coffee this morning before they fly back this afternoon.

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980133
09/25/14 03:59 PM
09/25/14 03:59 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
My best friend call me,her nephew(her brother's only child) died
after a 4year fight with cancer.He was 21years old. cry
My heart is broken sad


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980140
09/25/14 05:33 PM
09/25/14 05:33 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
I am so very sorry Haroula. I can't imagine. sad I just heard from my Zumba instructor that her 41 year old cousin just had a massive coronary and passed away too. He had 4 little kids. Life is so precious.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #980142
09/25/14 06:44 PM
09/25/14 06:44 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good evening Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980155
09/25/14 08:49 PM
09/25/14 08:49 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Oh, Haroula, that is so hard. Hugs to you all.

Yes, it is, Ana. We just never know from second to second. Have fun at the baby sale. How is Sam feeling?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980158
09/25/14 09:24 PM
09/25/14 09:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Oh Karen I'm so sorry you had such a hard time with the stress test. Haroula I'm so sorry about the death. Hugs to you my dear. Hi SQFanwave Hey L4L, Ana, Darlene and everybody. Just got home from work about half an hour ago and I'm unwinding.

See you all in the morning. I have an early shift.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980161
09/25/14 09:49 PM
09/25/14 09:49 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks, everyone! wave I was really feeling my lack of sleep today, but at least I'll be going in a little later tomorrow. And at least we don't have a leak now, which is always a good thing. grin

Glad your test is over, Karen!

Sorta, that's how I've been feeling all day, too. crazy Hope you are able to get more sleep tonight and perhaps have a nice, calm day for once. grin Glad your friend is not going to burn your house down. lol

Haroula, that's terrible! sad So sorry to hear that!

Hope your early shift goes well, Midge.

Well, I'm off to sleep soon. Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #980164
09/25/14 09:55 PM
09/25/14 09:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Time for bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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