Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
George Burns (1896 - 1996)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is with heavy heart we bring you this news......
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday ... of
yeast infection and complications, from repeated
pokes to the belly. He was 71 .
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their
respects, including Mrs. Butterworth , Hungry Jack ,
the California Raisins , Betty Crocker , and Captain
Crunch.
The grave site was piled high with flours. { note sp. }
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described
Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was
kneaded { note sp. }
Doughboy rose quickly in show business , but his
later life was filled with turnovers .
He was not considered a very smart cookie , wasting
much of his dough on half-baked schemes . Despite
being a little flaky at times , he still , as a crusty old man ,
was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife , Play Dough , and
two children , John and Jane , and they have one in the
oven ....He is survived also by his father , Pop Tart .
The funeral was held at 3:50 for About 20 minutes ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Real Man
A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.
No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
Never mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were not.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never knew this.
Penguins Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins
on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go ?
Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic
bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will
mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of
compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other
members of the family and social circle have been
known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial
wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for
the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle
around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Then they kick him in the ice hole."
You really didn't believe that I know
anything about penguins, did you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I had a good weekend. Got a lot done, and was happy with that, but as always I wished I'd had more time.
I still think I have about 3 days to get those stupid cabinets all painted.
The 2:00 appointment yesterday cancelled out.
No problem. There's still too much to be done.
I have two 5:00 openers Monday & Tuesday, so I won't be getting much done today. Maybe tomorrow evening.
I have more things to do tonight before bedtime, so I've gotta go.
Have a ridiculously happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Sorry you have two early days Joe, ugh. 
Apparently the wrong part was delivered the first time, so we've been without a working stove for about five days now. 
Have a lovely day!
