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Thumping Thursday #981230
10/02/14 01:06 AM
10/02/14 01:06 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
There are admirable potentialities in every human being. Believe in your strength and your youth. Learn to repeat endlessly to yourself, 'It all depends on me.'
Andre Gide (1869 - 1951)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A sign was hung in an office window. It read:

Help wanted.
Must type 70 words a minute.
Must be computer literate.
Must be bilingual.
An equal opportunity employer.

A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth, and walked into the manager's office, making it clear he wished to apply for the job.

The office manager laughed and said, "I can't hire a dog for this job."

The dog pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity employer."

So the manager said, "OK, take this letter and type it." The dog went off to the word processor and returned a minute later with the finished letter, perfectly formatted.

The manager said, "Alright, here's a problem. Write a computer program for it and run it."

Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct answer.

The manager still wasn't convinced. "I still can't hire you for this position. You've got to be bilingual."

The dog looked up at the manager and said, "Meow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'
St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.'
Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.
'How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.' Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?
Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'?
'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'
~~~~~~~

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue ...

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished,and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

You, who worry about democrats versus republicans -- relax, here is our real problem.

In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States . It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"

Yep, these are the same kinds of 18-year-olds that are now voting in our elections! They breed and they walk among US...

Lord--we need more help than we thought we did!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning boys and girls. welcome


You know that song that goes, "After midnight, we gonna let it all hang down"? By Derrick and the Dominoes.


Well.....it's before midnight and it's already all hanging down here. tired


It's down right droopy.


A nuther long day has me dragging my behind me. snicker


OOPS! It's after midnight now.


Have a happy day everyone.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981236
10/02/14 01:31 AM
10/02/14 01:31 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have a happy day Joe and all. happydance smile wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981240
10/02/14 03:53 AM
10/02/14 03:53 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning and have a great day Joe, Haroula and all who come in after me. wave

I'm off for another work whoosh. Have a terrific Thursday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981246
10/02/14 04:22 AM
10/02/14 04:22 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and venus. Coffee is ready. Enjoy your day everyone! It's going to be a beautiful fall day for walking! fall


Gerry
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: Kaki's Sister] #981249
10/02/14 04:27 AM
10/02/14 04:27 AM
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,264
Greece
Volkana Offline
Addicted Boomer
Volkana  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,264
Greece
Good morning everyone! Lovely day today. the sun is shining and i agree that it is a beautiful fall day for walking. Sadly i'll have to go to work in 2 hours... the walking has to wait lol

Have a wonderful day everyone! wave


Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981251
10/02/14 04:35 AM
10/02/14 04:35 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Volkana. That is one of the advantages of being retired!
You get to do what you want when you want! Happy Day! happydance wave


Gerry
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981274
10/02/14 08:05 AM
10/02/14 08:05 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thursday. Karen, I hope all goes well with your tests. Danish, Pumpkin Pancakes, and Bacon and Eggs in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981285
10/02/14 08:47 AM
10/02/14 08:47 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope you have an easy day at work today.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Venus, enjoy the day.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. Still raining here this morning.

Volkana, maybe you can walk after work.

Connie, pumpkin pancakes sound great.

Hope the rain clears up so I can go for a walk. Nina is getting antsy. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!


Gail
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981286
10/02/14 09:23 AM
10/02/14 09:23 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,028
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,028
Unionville
Good morning boomers. Have a terrific Thursday everyone smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: manxman] #981287
10/02/14 09:57 AM
10/02/14 09:57 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope you got to sleep in! Have a great Thumping Thursday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's almost Friday! happydance

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981296
10/02/14 10:22 AM
10/02/14 10:22 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
lol Good one's Joe. Thanks for the laughs!! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

venus you must work at an early hour again today!! Have fun!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry it's a nice foggy, cloudy, rainy Fall day here. lol Enjoy your walk and have a lovely day!

Volkana hope it is still nice when the work is finished. Have a lovely day!

Connie hope it is nice there for a nice walk! Thanks for the goodies and have a lovely day! Pumpkin pancakes think Interesting!!

Gail hope the rain stops so you and Nina get a nice walk in. Me and Sassy took a miler already even though the weather is not the best. We ran between the drops. lol Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

Karen thinking about you and sending prayers!! HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Ana hope all is going well with the shoulder and the corner is being kind. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981317
10/02/14 11:58 AM
10/02/14 11:58 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Good morning ya'll wave

Fall is finding Al. It will last a week and then it will be winter lol wave I think bills are on the agenda, though maybe not as brain seems unable to focus today. puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981360
10/02/14 05:59 PM
10/02/14 05:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good day all! It's been a busy day and not over yet. My niece is coming soon and we will spend the evening together. It seems like all the youngins are going through a rough patch, it's always hard when our kids and relatives struggle and all you can do is listen.

Hope you all are having a good day.

Doc hope the procedure goes well. hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981378
10/02/14 10:08 PM
10/02/14 10:08 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Yes it is. Ana, I hope it all works out.

Kids and son in bed. Hubby and I heading up. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981379
10/02/14 10:22 PM
10/02/14 10:22 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. I'm home from work and just resting now. Ready to go to bed soon. Nan I hope you had a lovely day. Sweet dreams L4l. Ana I hope you enjoyed your evening with your niece.

It's getting to be that time I look for my pillow. See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
Re: Thumping Thursday [Re: gymcandy1] #981381
10/02/14 10:28 PM
10/02/14 10:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams L4L....


Don't feed the Trolls
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