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Joe's Friday #981392
10/03/14 12:58 AM
10/03/14 12:58 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Nothing like a lot of exercise to make you realize you'd rather be lazy and dead sooner.
Randy K. Milholland, Something Positive, Casting Call
~~~~~~~~~~~

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well .........?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three women are out clubbing and they spot a club that says, "Women Only."
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain."
The women laugh and continue up to the second floor.
The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain."
Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor.
"All men here are short and handsome."
The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome."
This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realise that there is still one more floor.
They go up one floor and read the sign. "There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
~~~~~~~~~~

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man had a party where all the rich people attend.
And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes.
But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive.
So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?"
The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in ...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want."
The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
~~~~~~~~~~

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center.

Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance;
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on
this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for
six generations"

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. . ."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth,
light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the
swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and
fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SH*T!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Ok.......every time I start reading one of these jokes, I fall asleep before I can finish it, and I just typed 9 lines of S's because I fall asleep with my fingers on the keys. shocked


sleep Not going to get this finished .


Have a happy day everyone. wave



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981396
10/03/14 01:42 AM
10/03/14 01:42 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope you had a restful night's sleep! Happy Joe's Friday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Still Thursday evening for me....

Taking Friday off, so it's a three-day weekend for me! happydance woot Just going to play and do whatever, 'cuz I can! wink We'll see where the day takes us!

So.....

To all abed, sleep To all awake, woot


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981402
10/03/14 01:55 AM
10/03/14 01:55 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning boomers. Have a terrific Friday. happydance smile wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981416
10/03/14 04:21 AM
10/03/14 04:21 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
happydance Good Morning Joe, Darlene and Haroula. Joe I hope you can caught up on slepp! Darlene how nice to have a "free Friday"! Haroula you have a terrific day too! Coffee is ready and waiting! Wishing you all a stress free day! happydance


Gerry
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981424
10/03/14 06:00 AM
10/03/14 06:00 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning and have a great day Joe, Darlene, Haroula, Gerry and all who come in after me. wave

Today my work whoosh is a bit later than usual as there isn't as much to do, and the person I need to speak with won't be in the store until seven. I would have preferred to leave earlier, but on the positive side, at least I got a bit more sleep. smile

Okay, have to run. Have a fantastic Friday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981432
10/03/14 07:20 AM
10/03/14 07:20 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, Muffins, and Bacon and Eggs in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981437
10/03/14 08:07 AM
10/03/14 08:07 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good morning boomers. Have a fantastic Friday everyone smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981441
10/03/14 08:55 AM
10/03/14 08:55 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, sweet dreams and hope you awake refreshed.

Darlene, enjoy your time off.

Venus, have a nice workday.

Haroula, happy day!

Connie, thanks for the Danish.

Gerry, I'm here for the coffee.

Manxman, have a good day!

Ana, how are you doing?

Nan, sun is finally shining. I'll be taking nice brisk morning walk with Nina.

Hope everyone is doing good. Wishing a great day to All! lab


Gail
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981462
10/03/14 10:20 AM
10/03/14 10:20 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thank you for all the chuckles today! May work go well and you have a lovely day!

Darlene enjoy a nice long weekend! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the hot coffee. Have a lovely day!

venus may work go well and you have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Gail glad the sun is out and you and Nina will get a nice walk in. Cold, cloudy and looks like rain here. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981463
10/03/14 10:35 AM
10/03/14 10:35 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, Darlene, Haroula, Gerry, venus, Connie, manxman and Gail. wave

Rainy, yucky day with temps going into the 30's. I really need this sling off so I can wear a jacket. lol I'm going to have to find me a cloak to wear for the left surgery because that will be in the dead of winter.

Gail, I'm hanging in there. Not being able to drive is really getting to me. The only things I get to do are necessary things because everyone is too busy doing their own things. I'm trying to keep my frustrations in check.

Nan, whatcha up to today?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981475
10/03/14 12:13 PM
10/03/14 12:13 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I popped up and got dressed to take the doggies walking and discovered it was raining. So confused the poor things by going back to bed. lol

Ana, hang in there! wave

There is a huge spider with a web across our back door...I think he is in cahoots with the dogs so we can't get out there. rotfl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981503
10/03/14 03:25 PM
10/03/14 03:25 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Hi Ho, Hi Ho off to fish fry I go!!! Have a wonderful evening everybody!!!

rah
Nan

Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981507
10/03/14 03:35 PM
10/03/14 03:35 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Welcome to the weekend Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981513
10/03/14 04:11 PM
10/03/14 04:11 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
HOT again. Last night it cooled off from 94 down to 60 and I actually had to turn off my window fan because I got cold. This morning, nice and cool, but by 10 am it was scorching. Good thing is the humidity right now is 27 percent. Yup, and dropping by the hour. Nice comfy, just need a fan and inside temp (no air conditioning) is a comfy 74. Lovely.

Cats (outdoorsies) are all laid out in cool dark spots trying to get some relief from their 'premature' winter coats which they have been growing since the beginning of summer. I know it's going to be a COLD winter because of that. Poor kitties. I went out and used a soaking wet towel on the old girl, Spot, so she would feel better, and wet down the deck and the front porch so she can have a choice of cool spots to enjoy. Unfortunately, I managed to spray the 'deck protector' cat, Digger, because she was under a bench and I didn't see her black coat in the shady spot. She's fine. She loves water anyway, but it made her run off a bit. She's back now.

Went to bank. It's always horrible parking. Too narrow, not angled, and invariably someone is backing out the wrong way or just sitting, blocking the entire drive area. usually there is a security guard who directs traffic and does a great job. Today he was guarding the armored car making a delivery, so he wasn't there when a very old geezer (yes he was) decided to park his HUGE pickup truck half way across the armored car and blocked the entire drive and refused to move. He kept waving me to go past him, but my car is wider than it looks and I sat for a few waiting for him to just move up or go somewhere else. Finally, several others started honking (I was being patient) and I finally eased my car in between his truck and the parked cars. I just barely made it with the help of my passenger. My mirrors were only 2 inches from hitting him. He looked for all the world like someone from Duck Nation. Funny. No idea why he was sitting there, but I figure he was going to rob the armored car since his front bumper was almost touching the armored car's back bumper. Hope I don't hear about it on the news. rotfl


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981526
10/03/14 06:13 PM
10/03/14 06:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
L4L, who is the lucky one that gets to deal with the spider web?

Nan, it's that time already?

SpaceQ, how you doing?

Sorta, 27% humidity.... lol It's 48 degrees with 73% humidity. In other words, it's yucky. grin


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981537
10/03/14 07:51 PM
10/03/14 07:51 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Aw sorry Ana. Now it's 20 percent humidity and 89 and still pretty comfy inside and just a bit warm outside in direct sun. I'm enjoying our 'Summer' now that it's Autumn!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981544
10/03/14 08:16 PM
10/03/14 08:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ana, no one. I'll just leave him alone...the dogs come and go beneath it. He'll just be an extra layer of security. Surprise eek

My Keoki is "woofing" at me. Wish I spoke dog better.

Sorta, glad you did not have an accident. They'd have had to just honk at me.

Dinner is over...now time to sit and go "ahhh" wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981556
10/03/14 09:26 PM
10/03/14 09:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Rub it in sorta! lol

L4L, I pity the one who forgets and walks through the web. grin


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981560
10/03/14 09:39 PM
10/03/14 09:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Checking in to say good night. Hope you all had a good Friday. I get to sleep in the morning. Hoping Joe has some BB panacakes on the menu. See you then.

Night
Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981577
10/03/14 11:53 PM
10/03/14 11:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams Midgie, of no one beats me to it, I'll be happy to make you BB pancakes! hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981579
10/04/14 12:29 AM
10/04/14 12:29 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Joe's Friday [Re: gymcandy1] #981581
10/04/14 12:42 AM
10/04/14 12:42 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Ana.....yes it is! Been doing it for about a month now. Time flies!!!

Time here to pillow hunt. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!

sleep
Nan

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