Never try to reason the prejudice out of a man. It was not reasoned into him, and cannot be reasoned out.
Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, is a two lane highway alright with you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blonde: Hey, What does 'IDK' mean?
Brunnete: I don't know.
Blonde: Oh my god NOBODY KNOWS!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!"
~~~~~~~~~~~
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the night shift, he sleeps with the lady next door."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar,
announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical
Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many
exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy
pains.
Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say,
you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at
birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20
pounds at birth?"
The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer,
wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and
said, "Had him circumcised."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mummy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your behind?"
~~~~~
An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path, so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home.
The father told the mother, "If he takes the money, he will be a businessman; if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest; but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.
He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said, "Oy! It's even worse than I ever imagined..."
"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.
"He's gonna be a politician." the father replied.
Is it politically correct to be a politician now?
~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
What day is this?....
Silly me! It's obviously the day before tomorrow.
So....by the process of elimination, if tomorrow is Wednesday, then today has to be the day after yesterday.
Sherlock Holmes got nothing on me.
I got my edumacation in the school of hard knocks.
I made straight "Fs".
My teachers were always knocking on my head with their fist and saying "WAKE UP!!!!"
"Your head must be full of rocks. What are you going to be if you don't graduate?"
A Rolling Stone, I guess.
Now I know why my body hurts so much.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope you have a great day before tomorrow. 
What she is getting must be helping her, though. It looks as though we're going to have to resume doing it the hard way with the syringe again tomorrow. She's still dragging her paws a lot, but she was hungrier today and jumped around a bit more, so that's a good thing. Also, she didn't have the daily litter box strain, which is very good. Also, luckily, Thorsgoats is off tomorrow, so he can keep an eye on her.
Her bag just broke but no contractions so she is going in at 4am if still nothing so they can monitor her. I'm her labor coach so I hope she holds out so I can do my appt. 
Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana and Haroula. Joe wishing you happy dreams! Venus hope little venus keeps improving. Ana good luck at the doc appt. The baby better wait for you! Enjoy your day Haroula. Coffee is ready! Happy Day wished for everyone! 
Glad Lyric is a good traveler. 
