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Hump Day #982270
10/07/14 10:22 PM
10/07/14 10:22 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
We all have such a finite time to leave the world better than we found it.
Dave Kellett, Sheldon, 10-30-12
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. The first thing he said was, "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we have forbidden fruit!"

"No way!"

"Yes, way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why he stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break and he was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God, as our first parent, asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. This should be fun.

Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed! But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what made you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

QUOTES ARE FROM ACTUAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
8. "He sets low personal standards an then consistently fails to achieve them."
9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
15. "Doesn't joke but is a jokster"
16. "He would argue with a signpost."
17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing,but the train isn't coming."
24. "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WORKER DEAD AT DESK FOR 5 DAYS

New York Times 1-22-03
Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed
that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay. George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers.

He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday
morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend. His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything.

He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself." A post
mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary. Ironically, George was proofreading manuscripts of medical textbooks when he died. You may want to give your co-workers a nudge occasionally.

*Moral of the story: Don't work too hard. Nobody notices anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spell Checker
I halve a spelling checker,

It came with my pea see.

It plainly marks four my revue

Mistakes I dew knot sea.



Eye strike a key and type a word

And weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write

It shows me strait aweigh.



As soon as a mist ache is maid

It nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the era rite

Its rarely ever wrong.



I've scent this massage threw it,

And I'm shore your pleased too no

Its letter prefect in every weigh;

My checker tolled me sew.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Perks of Being Over 40...

1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

15. You sing along with elevator music.

16. Your eyes won't get much worse.

17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

18. You can't remember who sent you this list.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


"18. You can't remember who sent you this list."?? shocked


Heck, I can't remember who's thread this is. headscratch


Doing good to remember who I am. think


lol I'm kidding. My mama didn't raise an idiot.


No siree Mrs Clooney raised her boy to be bright, and not bad looking either, if I say so myself. grin


What? duh


Ok, somebody stole my identity.


I left it in my lunch sack in my locker, and somebody took it.


I'm not really sure if I want it back. I can't remember if I even liked me. razz


One thing I remember very well is that it's been a super long day and I'm suoer tired.


Have a happy day everyone.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982271
10/07/14 10:26 PM
10/07/14 10:26 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
I like you. Thanks, Joe.

wave to all!

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982281
10/07/14 11:28 PM
10/07/14 11:28 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Thanks Joe wave Hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982287
10/08/14 01:10 AM
10/08/14 01:10 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning all! James came into the world at 10:12 pm after a long day of labor. He had a bit of a rough start but all is well now. I was there the whole time and helped in the delivery, what an awesome experience.
Thank you all for your prayers!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982293
10/08/14 01:47 AM
10/08/14 01:47 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning all. wave
Ana,all the best of the best wishes to your family and your new born baby. pacify happydance
Have all a happy day. smile fall


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982303
10/08/14 03:57 AM
10/08/14 03:57 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Congratulations, Ana! woot bravo

Okay, quick post today, as I'm off for a work whoosh. Hope everyone has a fantastic Wednesday. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982307
10/08/14 04:31 AM
10/08/14 04:31 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, MaG, manxman, Ana, Haroula and venus. Hope you get more sleep Joe. Have a happy day MaG. You have a great day manxman too. Ana congrats. I'll bet you are happy and relieved all went well! Haroula and venus enjoy! Wishing everyone a stress free day! wave


Gerry
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982317
10/08/14 06:29 AM
10/08/14 06:29 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Congrats Ana, Sam, Daddy and Granddaddy. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. It's haircut day. Danish, Bacon and Eggs, and Muffins in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982318
10/08/14 06:30 AM
10/08/14 06:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers wave

Joe you're appreciated!

MaG, have a wonderful day.

Haroula, good afternoon.

Venus, have a good workday.

Ana, Congrats to you, Sam and James. rah

Gerry, is the coffee ready yet?

To all who are here and all who are on their way I'm wishing a great day! fall


Gail
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982325
10/08/14 08:17 AM
10/08/14 08:17 AM
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 11,834
Québec
Chief Offline
Adept Boomer
Chief  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 11,834
Québec
Good morning.

Congrats to you Ana, Sam and welcome to James.

Chief wave


Chief
Re: Hump Day [Re: Chief] #982343
10/08/14 09:52 AM
10/08/14 09:52 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy Hump Day!

Congratulations, Ana! woot Woohoo and booyah!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Hump Day [Re: Darlene] #982357
10/08/14 10:48 AM
10/08/14 10:48 AM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 48,230
near Yosemite
Marian Offline
Global Moderator
Marian  Offline
Global Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 48,230
near Yosemite
Just wanted to pop in and say congratulations to our new grandmother - yes, I'm looking at you, Ana! happydance Glad to hear that Sam and James are doing well. dance

Have a great day, everyone. wave

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982358
10/08/14 11:01 AM
10/08/14 11:01 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Howdy MaG! Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Ana finally! Congrats to you, grampa, Sam, dad and James!!! Glad all are doing well!! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

venus hope kitty is doing better. May work fly and you have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thank you for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail hope it is nice for a walk and have a lovely day!

Haowdy Chief! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

Howdy Marian have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982365
10/08/14 12:02 PM
10/08/14 12:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Happy Birthday Baby James!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982366
10/08/14 12:06 PM
10/08/14 12:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Been a busy morning of life. Time to sit and sip and surf for a bit.

Son is down and out with a migraine. He's been plagued by them lately. Wish I could help.

Ana, big Congratulations to your whole family! happydance

Connie, enjoy your haircut.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982392
10/08/14 03:43 PM
10/08/14 03:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982398
10/08/14 04:08 PM
10/08/14 04:08 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
sleep wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982406
10/08/14 04:55 PM
10/08/14 04:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Afternoon, Space wave

Sweet dreams, Haroula sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982426
10/08/14 07:01 PM
10/08/14 07:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. I had today off. I had a great day today. After a chiropractic appointment I had a wonderful time with a good friend, at Dunkin Donuts. We talked for a good hour. She's a real Love. We decided to see each other at Dunkin Donuts once a week.

Ana your heart must be overflowing with warmth now with James' entrance into this world. Congratulations my friend.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982431
10/08/14 07:51 PM
10/08/14 07:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Midgy, sounds like a wonderful day. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982449
10/08/14 09:06 PM
10/08/14 09:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I did L4L. I've been working and not much else lately. I'm enjoying my new found friend. We've decided to spend some quality time just to get together and get to know each other. I'm loving it. How you doing my friend? I'm headed for finding my pillow now. This old body is tired and looking
forward to sleeping. I hope you all had a great Wednesday. See you all in the morning. Ana kissy

Midgie hearts sleep woot yay devilchili rah


Just do it.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982455
10/08/14 10:36 PM
10/08/14 10:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Off to bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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