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Thump Day #982468
10/09/14 01:00 AM
10/09/14 01:00 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
People age even when you're not looking.
Randy K. Milholland, Something Postive, 07-30-08
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A man spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas casinos, and he won $100,000. He didn't want anyone to know about it, so whan he came back home, he immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it.

The next morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man. Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house. He screamed at the professor:

"You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my money I'll kill him!"

The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language: "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."

The professor turned to the man with the gun and said: "He's not going to tell you. He said he'd rather die first."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?".
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place".

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 50 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."

The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"

"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment.

"I've got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us."

"Great. Where do you live?"

"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."

"Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?"

"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle."

"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
~~~~~~~~~~~

First year students at Medical School were receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually
took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"
~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to Joe's Diner where you can eat anything you like all day long, and never gain a pound. yes


Where you can sit and talk to someone on the other side of the planet without even RAISING YOUR VOICE. woot


There's one thing you can't do here, or at least I can't, and that's write and post in your sleep. sleep


That's why I have to cut this short.


Today is Friday for me. WOO HOO! woot


I hope you all have a super day. fall



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982471
10/09/14 01:34 AM
10/09/14 01:34 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe and all who follow later. wave
I'm starting walking again 5 kil. per day. scared
A few extra pounds must " disappear"yes
Have all a great day. smile happydance


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982488
10/09/14 04:05 AM
10/09/14 04:05 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great day Joe, Haroula and all who come in after me. wave

It's work whoosh time, and I'm running late. Have a terrific Thursday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Thump Day [Re: venus] #982489
10/09/14 04:25 AM
10/09/14 04:25 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,Venus waveCoffee is ready! Wishing you all a great day fall


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982491
10/09/14 05:13 AM
10/09/14 05:13 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Haroula, venus and Sue. Joe hope you get some sleep. sleep Haroula walking is a great way to loose wait! happydance Good Luck! Venus how is kitty venus doing? cat Sue thanks for the coffee. Are you feeling better? yes Wishing everyone a sunny day! fall


Gerry
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982508
10/09/14 07:18 AM
10/09/14 07:18 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Online content
Graduate Boomer
connie  Online Content
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thump day. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. fall Back to 90 here. What happened to Fall?


Connie
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982515
10/09/14 08:09 AM
10/09/14 08:09 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,022
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,022
Unionville
Good morning boomers wave Hope everyone has a terrific Thursday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982520
10/09/14 08:18 AM
10/09/14 08:18 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, enjoy your day!

Haroula, have a nice walk.

Venus, good day wishes.

Sue, thanks for the coffee.

Gerry, sunny day wishes to you also.

Connie, you have very warm weather. My brother and SIL are on their way to FL till April.

Manxman, enjoy the day!

A nice brisk walk this morning then some gaming and some reading to catch up on. lab


Gail
Re: Thump Day [Re: GBC] #982534
10/09/14 09:47 AM
10/09/14 09:47 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Friday is a good one! Happy Thump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982540
10/09/14 10:36 AM
10/09/14 10:36 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Well I am off to chop up veggies for tomorrow's fish fry. Then Abbie will be here to make some pies. happydance Have a lovely day everybody!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982555
10/09/14 11:49 AM
10/09/14 11:49 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
It's a perfect Autumn day here. Glorious. All Outdoorsies present and accounted for. Orange, the one with the ouchie on his throat is doing well. The 'wound', which was from side to side about 4 inches round and terrible, is now the size of a nickle and healing really well. In a few weeks it will be gone and new fur in its place. I'm happy he is so strong and healthy to fight off that injury. Of course it might have been the EXTRA food on demand, the extra petting (yup he's now letting me pet him!) and the meds I rubbed on. Good kitty, so independent and probably a great hunter since he wasn't eating my wet food much until he got 'sick'. Now he's getting fussy again on which type I give him. Must be feeling much better. rotfl catrub

Thrift store was calling me yesterday. Hardly go anymore so I can save money. BUT I felt the 'pull' went down and found a parking spot immediately (never happens and sometimes I just drive home). Perused all the stuff and found SEVEN audio books that for some silly reason were marked one dollar each. Usually they are 3-5 each. Amazing. Good thing I listened to my 'inner voice' and went there. Spent only 7 bucks and then came home and updated my list of audio books. Found 2 duplicates and 4 that were NEVER listed, duh. I guess I'm not doing my job. Only have about 400 or so to listen to. It's a wonder I forget to log some of them in.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982589
10/09/14 04:26 PM
10/09/14 04:26 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #982632
10/09/14 10:13 PM
10/09/14 10:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Good evening everyone! I really thought I stopped in earlier but I guess I got sidetracked. It's been a little hectic today, but I drove myself to the grocery store which was a milestone! yay I may take the dogs to the park tomorrow, it will do all of us a world of good.

I hope you all are enjoying your day. hearts


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