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Joe's Tuesday (or Wednesday for the rest of us) ;) #983467
10/15/14 01:19 AM
10/15/14 01:19 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen (1935 - )
~~~~~~~~~~~


A blind man was describing his favorite sport... parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.

But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

He quickly answered "Oh..... the dog's leash goes slack."
~~~~~~~~~~~

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yes, but you started it."
~~~~~~~~~~


Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you! said a fourth.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!" exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said an elderly gent.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your blessings," said one woman cheerfully, "thankfully, we can all still drive."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Two old ladies, Sunny and Tina, were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain.

Tina pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Sunny: "What's that?"

Tina: "A condom."

Sunny: "Where'd you get it?"

Tina: "You can get them at any chemist"

The next day, Sunny hobbled into the local chemist and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a pack of condoms.

The guy looked at her strangely (she was, after all, in her eighties), but politely asked what brand she preferred.

"Doesn't matter," she replied, "as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Harry answers the telephone and it's an Emergency Room doctor.

The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, & I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms & both legs, & will need help eating & going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises.

So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready to go.

Noon comes, no dictator... 10 minutes longer... no dictator.

One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."
~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I would say I feel like one of the walking dead, except I'm sitting down. rolleyes


My goal now is to avoid sitting in my chair with my head on my chest, and my eyes closed, with drool dripping out of my mouth. cool


I'm pretty sure though that I don't need to be asleep to have drool coming out of my mouth. rolleyes


I'm tired........ duh It's 12 minutes after 12:00...........................midnight. slapforehead


Have a happy day everyone................ sleep



joe

Last edited by looney4labs; 10/15/14 10:08 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #983468
10/15/14 01:30 AM
10/15/14 01:30 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe and all who follow later. wave
Have all a nice day. happydance smile


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #983478
10/15/14 03:56 AM
10/15/14 03:56 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Joe hope you are getting lots of zzzzs! Haroula how's the walking? I'm early this morning but coffee is ready! A Happy Day wished for everyone! wave


Gerry
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #983479
10/15/14 03:58 AM
10/15/14 03:58 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning and have a great day Joe, Haroula, Gerry and all who come in after me. wave

It's work whoosh time once again. Have a fantastic Wednesday, everyone. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #983487
10/15/14 04:21 AM
10/15/14 04:21 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Hi venus. Enjoy your day too. How's kitty venus doing?


Gerry
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #983493
10/15/14 06:44 AM
10/15/14 06:44 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump Day. Danish, Waffles, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #983499
10/15/14 07:20 AM
10/15/14 07:20 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers blackkitty

Joe, have a good day!

Haroula happy day wishes.

Venus, enjoy your work today.

Gerry, coffee is appreciated.

Connie, enjoy whatever the day brings.

Dentist this morning. Just a cleaning but I hate to go to the dentist. Wishing everyone a wonderful Hump Day! fall


Gail
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: GBC] #983525
10/15/14 09:56 AM
10/15/14 09:56 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope Joe's Tuesday Wednesday goes smoothly for you!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #983527
10/15/14 10:13 AM
10/15/14 10:13 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I popped up early, grabbed the doggies, and headed to the park. Twas a bit chilly out there...had to wear a jacket and sweat pants. Course, was dying of heat by the time we got home. We saw a beautiful sun rise, and now have to work at staying awake.

Did some formulating when I got home. Son's body is on "chigger fire." Hope the new spray helps some.

Gail, hope the dental visit is quick and painless. luck

wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #983547
10/15/14 10:38 AM
10/15/14 10:38 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #983550
10/15/14 10:43 AM
10/15/14 10:43 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs this morning. lol Have a lovely day!

Haroula hope the walk was fun and you have a lovely day!

venus may work go well and be fun! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for starting the coffee! Have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail good luck with the teeth cleaning!! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

L4l prayers that the spray does the trick for son! Have a lovely day!

Ana hope the shoulder is doing good! How is James doing? Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Joe's Tuesday (or Wednesday for the rest of us) ;) [Re: gymcandy1] #983577
10/15/14 12:49 PM
10/15/14 12:49 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, is this you when you are trying to get the diner started? sleepy meerkat

Nan, how did your doc appts go? James is doing great, I will visit him Friday with my sisters. hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Tuesday (or Wednesday for the rest of us) ;) [Re: gymcandy1] #983593
10/15/14 02:05 PM
10/15/14 02:05 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Ana rotfl wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Joe's Tuesday (or Wednesday for the rest of us) ;) [Re: gymcandy1] #983644
10/15/14 05:08 PM
10/15/14 05:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Joe's Tuesday (or Wednesday for the rest of us) ;) [Re: gymcandy1] #983673
10/15/14 06:16 PM
10/15/14 06:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon SpaceQ!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Tuesday (or Wednesday for the rest of us) ;) [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #983698
10/15/14 09:08 PM
10/15/14 09:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hi Ana. smile We are halfway to the weekend Boomers. See you tomorrow Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Joe's Tuesday (or Wednesday for the rest of us) ;) [Re: gymcandy1] #983699
10/15/14 09:16 PM
10/15/14 09:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Only two more days to go! Friday is my day off, I'll be working the weekend.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Tuesday (or Wednesday for the rest of us) ;) [Re: gymcandy1] #983705
10/15/14 09:39 PM
10/15/14 09:39 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Loved the sleepy Meerkat. I think I feel like that sometimes myself.

Nothing much happening, except Sorta's Neighborhood insanity. Can't believe what the cops told ME!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Joe's Tuesday (or Wednesday for the rest of us) ;) [Re: gymcandy1] #983718
10/15/14 10:31 PM
10/15/14 10:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ana, I know you can't wait.

How is the baby?

We scrambled tonight getting the Per's big Reading Fair project finished. Whew.

Now time to clean the kitchen and go to bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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