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TGIF #983880
10/16/14 06:11 PM
10/16/14 06:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied
~~~~~~~


After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. James, your records and your heroic behaviour indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
~~~~~~~~~

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
~~~~~~~~~~


After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, 'I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.'

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, 'Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?'
~~~~~~~~~~~


A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.

The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"

The Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A very proper man started going into the neighbourhood pharmacy every week to buy 2 dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week he would come in with the same order.

One day the pharmacist felt he had to say something to the man. "Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?"

The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"

"So," the pharmacist asked, "then what do you do with all those condoms?"

The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now she poops in little plastic bags."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith.

"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It is an early early day for me at work. Gotta get up at 3:30. UGH!


I had a busy day off. I took everything out of the kitchen cabinets, and finished painting the insides. yes


After getting paint literally everywhere, I cleaned it all up and put everything back. happydance


After that I trimmed Baby's toe nails, and filed them. Then I gave Baby a bath. She hates both of those things, but I washed my linen today, so I need her to be clean too. puppy


After bathing Baby I treated her with flea and tick repellent.


She was pretty much avoiding me after that, so when I needed to put a new flea collar on her, I had to open my truck door and call her so she would think we were going somewhere, which she loves. snicker


Then....she wouldn't get out of the truck. lol


I went back in the house and got everything ready for work today, and went and took my shower.


Now I'm ready for work. NOT shame


I hope you all have a fantastic day.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #983887
10/16/14 08:25 PM
10/16/14 08:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe?? I hope your day is a fly by!!I'm just now getting ready for bed myself sleep I have a lot going on smirkI'll put the coffee on! And keep it fresh and hot!Wishing everyone a happy day fall


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #983899
10/16/14 09:55 PM
10/16/14 09:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, Baby is such a cutie. lol

Sue, I hope things quiet down for you.

I am puppy-sitting for my neighbors dog and going nuts. No puppys for me!

I have PT this morning. I am really not looking forward to it. However, after that I'll be taking the dogs to the river with my sister and nephew and then going to see baby James. Great day!

Have a happy day!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #983903
10/16/14 10:18 PM
10/16/14 10:18 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, I have the same problem with my kitties after I give them their medicine. Usually they forgive me in about thirty seconds, though, so I don't have to trick or lure them away. lol Hope work flies by for you today.

Hope things calm down for you, Cailyn. Have a terrific day.

Hope your PT flies by so you can get on with your fun plans for the day, Ana. That is terrific that James is home and doing well. rah

It's Thursday night for me, and I'm off to sleep later than I'd intended considering I have such an early day. oops Well, at least it will be Friday, so that's something. I noticed since I've been using my new iPhone they got us for work, my RSI has been acting up. eek I just ordered a stylus for it today from Amazon; I hope something like that will help, as I'm required to use this phone for work. crazy

As for now, I'm off to sleep for my very early day. Have a terrific Friday, everyone. fall

Last edited by venus; 10/16/14 10:19 PM.

Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #983916
10/17/14 01:26 AM
10/17/14 01:26 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have all a happy day. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: TGIF [Re: Haroula] #983923
10/17/14 02:53 AM
10/17/14 02:53 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your early, early TGIF goes easy peasy! smile

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Friday! woot

Actually, it's still Thursday evening for me....barely. smile

Taking Friday off, so it's a three-day weekend for me! Woohoo and booyah!

Planning on an easy peasy weekend!

So.

To all abed, sleep To all awake, woot


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #983932
10/17/14 05:10 AM
10/17/14 05:10 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe, Sue, Ana, venus Haroula and Darlene. Joe sounds like you had an exhausting day. Sue hope things aren't to stress today. Ana good luck with PT and enjoy your time with James! Venus hope all is well with kitty Venus. Haroula enjoy your walk. Darlene have a nice 3 day weekend! Happy Day to All! fall


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #983941
10/17/14 07:15 AM
10/17/14 07:15 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Got all the paperwork for the roof permit yesterday. We will hopefully get the permit sometime next week. I'm not looking forward to the tear off, as we have a rock roof now. It will be replaced with shingles. These houses were built in the 50's. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, French Toast, and Bacon and Eggs in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #983943
10/17/14 07:24 AM
10/17/14 07:24 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,023
Unionville
manxman Online content
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Online Content
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,023
Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has a fantastic Friday turkey


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #983965
10/17/14 10:44 AM
10/17/14 10:44 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe...poor Babe must of felt like you were picking on her. lol Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Sue HUGS! Hope that the "lot going on" slows down a little for you! Thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Ana good luck at therapy!!! Have fun at the river with sis and nephew and the dogs! Enjoy your visit with James!! Have a lovely day!

venus good luck with the phone issue! May work fly and all go well. Have a lovely day!

Haroula hope your walk was enjoyable and you have a lovely day!

Darlene how nice to have a three day weekend AND without a holiday!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Connie good luck on the roof removal and then the shingling of the roof. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #983970
10/17/14 11:32 AM
10/17/14 11:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Couldn't resist this one from late last night that I missed, from yesterday's L4L posting to Yankee:

"Yankee, we had a 20 lbs cat, but he really didn't eat any more than his brother who was 9 lbs."

Well it's plain to see why he was bigger, he ATE his 9 pound brother! rotfl

So sorry, just hit me funny when I read it this morning half asleep.


In other news: WE (our little town here of Chula Vista) made national news again. This time at my alma mater Southwestern College (actually a jr. college) for some stupid girl saying she was sick and she thinks it's Ebola because the family was on the plane with the nurse who actually had Ebola and her sister was now in the hospital with 'flu-like symptoms'. It was a major incident here. Police, fire, ambulance, CDC (who never really showed up), and politicians. They quarantined 50 people for 3 hours minimum. Closed off the entire college, etc. All the local news trucks were there. Turns out that it was all a MADE UP story by the girl who didn't want to be dropped from a class she missed. The family was never on a plane, never exposed to anything. It's not a laughing matter and everyone is so angry. They might press charges of some kind on her. She's being counseled now. The good thing is that all the entities responded immediately and did all the right things. Nice to know that our little town is doing a good job. But I'm still seething that she was so stupid to lie about something so important. shame

Waiting for the local water district truck to show up at the abandoned house! I'll post later in Sorta's Neighborhood IF he does and give you the 'back story' on what prompted this little goodie. Crossing fingers we see the truck this morning.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #984015
10/17/14 03:07 PM
10/17/14 03:07 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yeah, Sorta, how much did it cost your town to do all this running around for her. She should have to make some restitution.

Anyway, the cat thing -I bet school was easy for you S. Blond. I never read it that way. ShemerBaby is a young cat and only 15, maybe more now due to larding up for winter. Like most my pets (cats and dogs and opossums and and and) he just appeared one day so I fed him and he stayed and he grew and grew.

Did groceries yesterday and really stocked up -might say hoarding. Wonder why????

Happy Friday all


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #984022
10/17/14 04:45 PM
10/17/14 04:45 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Sorta, could see how that could be interpreted funny rotfl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #984024
10/17/14 04:51 PM
10/17/14 04:51 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Welcome to the weekend Boomers. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #984050
10/17/14 08:41 PM
10/17/14 08:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. Just reading the posts from today. After coming home from work at about 11:30 this morning, I've been vegging the rest of the day. I'm enjoying my new flat screen smart tv and having fun with it. I can get programs now I didn't think I could. It has Amazon Prime on it and I can watch Prime movies for free. I'm a science fiction addict so I'll have fun selecting some of my favorite shows from the past and currant shows. Wow! This is gonna be so much fun.

Welcome to the weeked to you Space.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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