I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if I can remember any of the [blip] things.
Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
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An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City office building.
A young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator. She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
A couple of floors later, another young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator. She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
Three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination. As she exits the elevator, she peers at both women, bends over and passes gas, then bellows, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!"
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A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.
As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city's problems.
Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, "Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn't make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!"
The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, "I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you, but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed..."
"Look there you go again," said the man, "How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?"
"Of course not!" gasped the nun, "The evil alcohol has never touched my lips."
"Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?"
"Well, I really don't know ..."
"I'll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I'll buy you a drink. One drink. I'll prove to you that "evil" is not inside the glass, it's inside the person."
"Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it's out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you've aroused a curiosity in me."
"Well let's go inside and settle this"
"No my son, I could never enter such a place... but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this "scotch" you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I'll try it."
"You're on!" said the guy.
The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, "Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please"
The bartender sighed and said, "Is that darn nun out there again!"
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My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in its ears and cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The veterinarian told the lady if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she could go to the store for 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in its ears once a month. The lady goes to the drugstore and gets some Nair.
At the register, the druggist tells her "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
The lady responds: "I'm not using it under my arms."
The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."
The lady answers: "I'm not using it on my legs either, and if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."
The druggist says: "In that case, stay off your bicycle for a week."
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There was this policeman who liked to stake out bars for an easy job by watching the drunks and then arresting them. After a while, a man came out and starting walking to his car. The man could not keep his balance and fell down several times. He finally found his car after wandering the carpark for a few minutes. The man tried to open his door but couldn't insert the key properly. The policeman was thinking to himself that this dude was clearly drunk. The man put the key in the ignition and sat there in his car. He blinked a few times and then did nothing. The policeman goes up to him and pulls him out of his car. The policeman orders the man to breathe into the breathalyzer. It reads 0.0. The cop is puzzled and says:"I'm sorry, but I think that this piece of dirt is broken." The man replies:"I doubt it, I'm the designated decoy."
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Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration:
1. A site called Who Represents where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name? wait for it.... is
www.whorepresents.com 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com 5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company
www.powergenitalia.com 6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com 7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com 8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com 9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com 10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com ~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I left work at about 5:40, came home and started trying to get my shower, get my supper, post and get to bed.
Gotta get up at 4:30, and I'm running late..........kind of.
You know how I am about getting my beauty rest.
It takes a lot of care to maintain these movie star good looks.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe