Give me the splendid silent sun with all his beams full-dazzling.
Walt Whitman (1819 - 1892)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'
To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.'
And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'
He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.'
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'
The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'
The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnayfin' him either.'
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ...Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells...
'SUPPLIES!!'
~~~~~~~~
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here???s that $20 I owe you," he says.
~~~~~~~~
1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.
2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.
3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came
down eight hours short of the 400-day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.
4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
Until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
And finally...
6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
There now! Your day's not so bad, is it?
Kinda makes my Monday back at work seem not so bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a dentist's office and flops right down on the couch.
"Doc", he says, "Here's the problem. I think I'm a moth"
"Well", says the doctor, "That certainly is a problem, but why did you come into a dentist's office?"
"The light was on."
~~~~~~
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."
~~~~~~~~
A duck walks into a feed store and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''
The clerk tells him, ''No, we don't have a market for it it so we don't carry it.''
The duck says, ''Okay'' and leaves. The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''
Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.
Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''
The clerk says, ''I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor.''
The duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks in and asks, ''Got any nails?''
''No,'' comes the reply.
''Got any duck feed?''
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four
years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade.
When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.
Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love.
Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend,
she wanted to get him off her back. So, what she did is this:
she took a picture of herself and her new boyfriend in bed together,
and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note
reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone."
Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome. He wrote on the back of the photo the following, "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and mailed the picture to HER parents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I hope you all had a fantastic Sunday. Mine was great. I finished painting the bedroom, and got everything cleaned up. It looks so much better that I think I may even sleep in that room tonight.
Hmmm sleeping in my bedroom. What a novel idea.
Sorta.....
... you can be sure I thought about painting over the wallpaper for a minute or two.
It wasn't too bad. Once I peeled off the wallpaper itself, and sprayed the backing with water, it peeled off real easy.
Ana I found out yesterday (Sunday), that the man who has been out here three times to look at the place, made a offer on it. My brother made him a counter-offer, and then he came out again yesterday afternoon, and walked completely around the boarder of our place. He and I talked for a long time, and he said he was sure we'd come to a deal on it.
Ok, let's get this week started. It's a 5:00 roll call for me down at the BB store.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
OOPS after I post a few jokes of course.....
acebook
witter
It's going to be yet another early work day. Up at 3:30 so I can be at work at 5:00. 
Got the kitchen cleaned, and myself and the doggies fed. Then saddled everyone up to go walking. Son and the boys went with me. I am so glad we went when we did. I like to go a bit later, but it was so hot out there. We even had to cut our walk short because of it.
