In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.
Thomas Pickering (1931 - )
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An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help his with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, Pull!", but Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!", but buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!", still nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" and the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
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Two people are discussing whether the state of Hawaii is pronounced "Havaii" or "Hawaii". So they stood there arguing and arguing, until they decided to ask a person that was walking by. They asked the gentelman: "Excuse me sir, is Hawaii pronounced "Havaii" or "Hawaii"?
The gentelman said, "Havaii".
So they both looked at each other, and as the gentelman was leaving, one of the two said to him, "Thank you".
The gentelman replied and said: "Your'e velcome"!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he commented, "You look terrible. What's the problem?".
"My mother died in June", he said, "and left me $10,000".
"Gee, that's tough", he replied.
"Then in July", the driend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000".
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder your'e depressed".
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000".
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad".
"Then this month", continued the friend, "Nothing!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the
First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and
it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along. After thirty
minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese." The First
Officer replies: "Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?" "Your people bombed
Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese." "Nooooo, noooo, Chinese
not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." "Chinese, Japanese,
Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike." Another thirty
minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: "No like
Jew." "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." "The
Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg,
Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah ... all da same."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father,
I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know
how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you
are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know,
I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots
whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in
the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots
to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying
that...that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman
responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's
house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were
inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out
in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?"
There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked
over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away,
Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep".
Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.
Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man. he keeps taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Ya know, computers take all the fun out of being on line.
Here I sit all weak and weary,
came to post and battery's bleary.
At least it charged up over night.......and day.
Anyway the sun went down at like 5:30, so it's......
like.. uh...(6.5 minus 5 point30)......carry the point......ummmmm it's an hour and a half past my bed time.....................give or take.
Plus my doggie is dog tired. She worked like a dog today..............................or so she claims.
Personally I think she slept all day.
The dog!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
I'm Dog tired myself 
Hope your work day is a flyby or is it a day off? Coffee is ready for who ever needs it!! Off to bed myself 
How does Baby like the new home? I bet it will take some get used to. 
