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TGIF #987330
11/07/14 02:49 AM
11/07/14 02:49 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
But pain... seems to me an insufficient reason not to embrace life. Being dead is quite painless. Pain, like time, is going to come on regardless. Question is, what glorious moments can you win from life in addition to the pain?
Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar", 1991
~~~~~~~~~~~~


A couple is on a plane in the middle of the night, and it is dark and quiet.
The woman says to her husband: "let's have sex right here".
The husband says: "You are crazy. people will hear and see us".
"But everybody is asleep", claims the wife, "I will prove it to you. I will ask for water and you'll see that nobody answers me and nobody even hears what i'm saying".
So the woman says in a low voice: "Can I have some water please?". But no one answers. So the husband starts having sex with her.

After the plane lands, a man runs to the steward and says: "quick, give me water. I have been so thirsty for the last 5 hours".
The steward gives him water and asks him: "why didn't you ask for water during the flight?".
so the guy says: "No way, a woman two rows in front of me asked for water and you won't believe what they did to her!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A man comes into a small town and starts convincing people he has super-natural powers.
He meets a guy called George who is unable to walk without crutches and asks him: "George, how would you like to get rid of those crutches? With my powers I will cure your legs so that you will be able to run like a deer".
Then he goes to a guy called Stan who stutters and asks him if he would also like to be cured.
Stan says: "O---O---Of course I w--would like t--t--that".
So, the man invites the whole town to sit in front of a big stage, where he puts Stan and George behind a red curtain.
"Ladies and gentlemen", he says, "I will now ask George to through him crutches from behind the curtain". Immediately a pair of crutches is thrown from behind the curtain, and the audience is shocked.
"Ladies and gentlemen", he then says, "I will now ask John to speak without stuttering".
A few seconds of silence pass, but John is not heard.
"John, please, speak to us".
Still, nothing.
"John, everybody came to hear you speak, please, start now".
Then a sound is finally heard from behind the curtain:
"G--G--G-----George f-fell!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.

They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where upon the head starts coughing and sputtering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some **** puts a swimming cap on me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~

A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other.

The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.

The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.

The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles.

The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Scotsman smiled and said, "I have decided to let ye can keep the [blip] egg!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~


A lady stumbles into a bar. She says, "Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it."

He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because...because I've got heartburn."

The bartender says, "Look, lady...it's not beertender, it's bartender. It's not a martuni, it's a martini. It's not a dribble, it's a double. That's not a pickle, it's an onion. And you haven't got heartburn, You have your left breast in the Ashtray!"
~~~~~~~~~~~

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.

To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing 'Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"

"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.

The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.

"Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing 'Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off.

"YES SIR!" replies the seaman. He sprints for the flagpole with the weapon high over his head, and completes the task perfectly.

"Now that's courage!" says the admiral.

"Courage, nothin'" snorts the Army general. "Get over here, private!"

"YES SIR!" replies the private.

"Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first."

"YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task.

"Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!"

They all look to the Marine. "Private," he says.

"YES SIR!"

"Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing 'The Halls of Montezuma', put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst."

The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, "SIR....KISS MY BUTT SIR!!!"

The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


IT'S FRIDAY!!! penguin


Finally got to a day off and I have to do stuff all day. smirk


I'd rather tell all that stuff to go stuff it, but I can't put this stuff off. It's pretty important stuff. yes


Like moving more of my stuff to the new house. slapforehead


I found out that my two days off that I was waiting for to do most of my moving, Wednesday & Thursday, are going to be at least 20 degrees cooler than today's temperature. penguin


OY! You see? I've gotta get going on that stuff. shocked


Now I really can't keep my baby blues open. sleep


Have a great day everyone. thumbsup



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987332
11/07/14 02:57 AM
11/07/14 02:57 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have a happy day everyone. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987338
11/07/14 05:13 AM
11/07/14 05:13 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
fall Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Joe Good luck with the move. Haroula have a nice day. Coffee is ready when you all get here. Wishing everyone a day full of sunshine! fall


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987345
11/07/14 06:47 AM
11/07/14 06:47 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning all. I hope you all have a great day today. Pay it forward for someone today. It will make you feel good I promise.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987347
11/07/14 07:18 AM
11/07/14 07:18 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. We have 2 inspections today. The decking in the morning and the dry in this afternoon. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, Waffles, and Bacon and Eggs in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987360
11/07/14 08:57 AM
11/07/14 08:57 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, hope you get all you STUFF done today.

Haroula, a very happy day to you.

Gerry, in need of coffee.

Midgie, how are you? Have a nice day.

Connie, good luck with the inspections.

A trip to BJ's is on the agenda today. Wishing everyone a wonderful Friday! turkey


Gail
Re: TGIF [Re: GBC] #987379
11/07/14 10:57 AM
11/07/14 10:57 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope your day is as productive as you'd like it to be! Happy TGIF!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Friday! woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987381
11/07/14 11:05 AM
11/07/14 11:05 AM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer
flutist  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Yes, I'm still alive and kicking. lol Just haven't been on the computer as much. Been doing a lot of reading lately.

Tomorrow, we are going over to see and have dinner with friends we haven't seen for awhile. Then on Sunday, Carol and Dave are coming over for dinner.

Oops, gotta go take care of laundry. See ya later.

Bets


Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987395
11/07/14 12:20 PM
11/07/14 12:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Another wonderful day in Paradise. Weather just awesome. WISH we had some rain though. Send any rain you can spare.

Off to buy some laundry detergent. Tried 2 different 'flavors' of my favorite Arm and Hammer (the national parks ones) and found the SMELL drove me nuts. It lingered on the clothes and linens for 2 weeks. Dunno what it was, but I had to go back to the old smelly one that didn't drive me up a wall. Gotta go buy another bottle of the one that smells good but doesn't annoy me, in case they decide to 'upgrade, new and improved' to some of the new flavors I can't stand. Ugh. It even stayed IN the washing machine and dryer for over a week. Geez! Reminds me of the 'old lady' perfume my Mom's friends used to wear. It was overpowering (smelled good) but you couldn't breathe and if you were eating anything it tasted like the perfume. I think it was called Chantilly. I'm sooo sensitive to odors and tastes.

Penelope the Peacock is getting aggressive. I had to resort to the fine hose spray to keep her away from me. She's thinking I have something in my hands to feed her (if I am holding anything). She's got great eyesight. Must be someone up the block who is HAND feeding her and that's not good. Peacock beaks are very very hard. She poked me a few times and I know. Don't want her to be so aggressive that she becomes dangerous. Still, she's getting more beautiful every day and dropping some pretty green/gold feathers. I'm collecting them and making an 'arrangement' in a crystal vase. Pretty.

Off to see if our District 52 Congressional race has been decided yet. Terrible nasty campaign on both sides, then the vote was only 700+ votes away at final count, but now they are counting 'provisional' ballots and the tide has turned to 800+ the other way. We may not know for a week or two, and then I suspect a recount by one of them. Maybe they could just 'share' the seat???


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987398
11/07/14 12:26 PM
11/07/14 12:26 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hi, everyone. wave I overslept this morning, so I didn't have time to post before I left for work. It was an early day, and I'm off now for the weekend. happydance I was supposed to get together with my friend today, but her daughter's sick, so we're going to do it another time. Which leaves me with a free afternoon. Maybe I'll play some of The Book of Unwritten Tales 2: Chapter 3. thumbsup

Hope everyone is having a great Friday so far. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987408
11/07/14 01:12 PM
11/07/14 01:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

We were up in the middle of the night to drop hubby at the airport. Took the 2 youngest dogs with us so they wouldn't raise a stink and wake up son and kids. They get up early, and son is like me, doesn't go back to sleep easily so didn't want to wake them much earlier than necessary.

Skymonkey managed to knock the car out of gear and it took me a bit to get it back in. Then home to flop in the bed for a nap.

So I'm up for the second time. Getting ready to go walk the monkeys. Today's high is in the 50's, so definitely sweats time.

Back later wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987414
11/07/14 01:31 PM
11/07/14 01:31 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe good luck with the moving. At least you don't have to do it all in one day! lol Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the hot coffee. Hit the spot since it was only 30F out there for our walk this morning. Have a lovely day!

Midge have a lovely day!

Connie best of luck with the inspections. thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail have fun shopping at BJ's! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

Bets reading is good. Helps stimulate the brain. Have a lovely day!

Sorta have a lovely day!

venus enjoy the game and have a lovely day!

L4l where was hubby headed this time? Prayers for the Band around him for safe travels. Have a lovely day!

The concert last night was awesomely inspiring!!!! We all had a great time. Tonight is taxi night and fish fry! Have a lovely day everybody!!

wave
Nan

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987426
11/07/14 02:46 PM
11/07/14 02:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Hi Ho, Hi Ho...it's off to PT I go. Ugh...

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987428
11/07/14 02:59 PM
11/07/14 02:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Back from a very windy park walk. Bright sun, but a wee bit chilly and I forgot my jacket. Getting ready to enjoy Blizzcon. Love that I can watch it when it fits my schedule wave

Nan, hubby went to Boston for a conference. He'll be doing a lot of traveling for a little bit, he says. Thanks for the band puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987445
11/07/14 04:40 PM
11/07/14 04:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Bring on the weekend and turn up the heat please. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987466
11/07/14 07:04 PM
11/07/14 07:04 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good evening boomers. Hope everyone is having a fantastic Friday and a great start to the weekend. smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987497
11/07/14 09:58 PM
11/07/14 09:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Hi manxman, SpaceQ, L4L wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987510
11/08/14 12:03 AM
11/08/14 12:03 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987514
11/08/14 12:22 AM
11/08/14 12:22 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams...


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #987517
11/08/14 01:50 AM
11/08/14 01:50 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Space I second that. lol Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!

sleep
Nan

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