You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
John Wooden (1910 - )
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Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.
After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."
"Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."
As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them."
Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some fightin', too." Tough crowd, Sam thinks to himself. "Well, I get along with people. Don't worry, I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again, Enoch turns from the door, "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too." "Now that is not a problem," Sam says. "I've been up here all alone for six long months. I'll definitely be there.
By the way, what should I wear?"
Enoch stops in the doorway one last time and says... "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the 2 of us there."
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There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, "So what's new in your life?"
The other responded, "Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be a janitor at the bank and now he is an executive. On top of that there's someone special in his life. He just bought his new love a brand new Lexus."
The other man says, "My son also got a promotion and he has decided to settle down. He bought his new love a new house on the beach."
The third man comes back from the bathroom. He looked kind of upset so the other two men asked what's eating him. He responded, "I just found out that my son is gay. The good part is his lover bought him a brand new Lexus and a new house on the beach."
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One day a Pirate and a bartender were talking to each other in a bar. The Bartender asked the pirate "Where did ya get that peg leg from?"
The Pirate responded "We were sailing the seas when a big ol' shark came up to me while I was swimmin' and bit off me leg."
Later the Bartender asked "Where did you get that hook then?"
The pirate responded "Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone."
The bartender then asked "Then where did ya get the eye patch from?"
The pirate said "In a harbor I looked at a gull flying over head and it took a dump right in me eye."
The bartender was puzzled and asked the pirate, "How would that make you get an eye patch?"
The pirate responded, "First day with the hook."
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During Marine Basic Training Camp a Captain received information that the mother of one of the recruits had passed away. The Captain calls Sergeant Black into his office and tells him, "When you line up the troops this morning you need to inform Private Jones that his mother died."
"Yes Sir!" says Black. That morning as the men were lined up Black bellows out, "Hup, hey, ho, ho. Jones your mother died." Jones falls over with a heart attack.
A month later the Captain calls Black into his office and says, "Black, you need to tell Private Smith his mother died. But this time use some tact. I don't want to lose another good recruit.
"Yes Sir!" Black answers.
This time when the men are lined up Black yells out, "Okay. All you men with living mothers take one step forward - NOT SO FAST, SMITH!"
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An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display.
"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."
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An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender.
He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.
The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips.
The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips.
The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.
The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times.
By the way, where is your restroom?"
The bartender quickly replies -,
"The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."
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Kung Chow called his boss and said: "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, leg hurt, I not come work."
The boss says: "Kung Chow I really need you today. When I feel sick like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later Kung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I be at work soon. You got nice house."
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An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.
One day while the older man was away from his desk the young man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar and ate over half the peanuts.
When the old man returned the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts.
The old man responded "Oh that's ok. I just love peanut M&Ms, but since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them."
~~~~~~~~~~~
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune....
"One US soldier is better than ten Taliban"
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then ssilence. The voice then call out.....
"One US soldier is better than one hundred Taliban"
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune, and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again....
"One US soldier is better than one thousand Taliban".
The enraged Taliban commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander..... "Don't send any more men... it's a trap... there's two of them!"...
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Good morning everyboomie.
That light outside my window, or lack there of, tells me my bed time is rapidly approaching. Especially since my work day starts at 4:30. Well work actually starts at six when I clock in, and start trying to avoid doing any work.
I work VERY hard at avoiding work.
I get off at 3:00 of course, and I may try and load the truck to take another load of junk over to the new storage place....ie my new house.
When I take Baby over to the new house, I prop the door open to carry stuff in, but Baby stays outside the door and looks around and starts whining.
She doesn't understand.
I try to explain it too her but she just gives me a puzzled expression. You know how a dog cocks it's head to one side?
The neighbors do the same thing when they hear me out in the yard barking.
Ok I'm out of here. It's been a ruff day.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
by now sorry you have such an early start 
The coffee is on It's hot and strong! Wishing you all a happy day 
My exciting plans for this weekend got cancelled, so I suppose I will just stay home and game. Which could also be interpreted as exciting plans. 
The next episode of Book of Unwritten Tales 2 is out, so I think I will work on that. 
Good Morning Joe, Sue, Ana, venus, and Haroula. Joe hope your day is stress free! Sue thanks for the strong hot coffee! it's cold this morning and i need it1 Ana how are you doing? Is your shoulder doing better? Venus enjoy your time off. Maybe some play time with kitty Venus too? Haroula are you still taking walks? Wishing everyone a wonderful day! 
, venus, Haroula, Gerry, Connie, and all who follow me in the diner today.
