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Sip & Surf Sunday #988720
11/15/14 11:26 PM
11/15/14 11:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Never rely on the glory of the morning nor the smiles of your mother-in-law.
Japanese Proverb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A school teacher started his first job at a primary school and was eager to make a good impression on the kids. So, when he noticed a boy standing all by himself during recess, while the other kids were playing a game of soccer, he walked up to him and asked "Are you alright ?"

The boy assured him everything was fine and the teacher left it at that. A few minutes later, however, he noticed that the boy was still standing alone and had not joined the other boys.

Deciding to find out what was wrong this time, the teacher approached him again and said, " Hi, are you sure you're not feeling left out? Would you like me to be your friend ?"

The boy obviously felt a little embarrassed, but after a little hesitation said, "Maybe". Encouraged by his progress, the teacher asked, "Tell me, why are you standing here alone?"

"Because", the boy said with clear exasperation in his voice. "I am the goalie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender."

The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please."

The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk's instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for everyone except the bartender.

The bartender says, "What, no drink for me?"

"Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An old guy and his son had a one-mule farm where they eked out a living. One day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000. He rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back home, where he told his father the good news, and handed him $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you know I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford a license to legally marry your Ma."
"Pa!" the son exclaims, "do you know what that makes me?"
"Sure do," said the old guy fingering the fifty-dollar bill. "And a cheap one at that."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The World Shortest Books

-"My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by O.J. Simpson
- The Difference between Reality and Dilbert
- Human Rights Advances in China
- "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money" by Dennis Rodman
- Al Gore: The Wild Years
- Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
- America's Most Popular Lawyers
- Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
- Detroit - A Travel Guide
- Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
- Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
- Easy UNIX
- Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
- Everything Men Know About Women
- Everything Women Know About Men
- French Hospitality
- "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton
- George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names
- "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by Art Garfunkel
- Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
- "One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes" by the EPA
- Staple Your Way to Success
- The Amish Phone Directory
- The Engineer's Guide to Fashion
~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.

He loved money more than just about anything.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.

He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband!"

She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian. I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him.

"You mean to tell me you really put that money in the casket with him!!!!?

"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."

Never Underestimate The Intelligence of a Woman
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a [blip] anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !"

"Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old.
"No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble taking a [blip]?", asked the 70 year old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a [blip] every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty?"

To which the eighty year old replied - "I don't wake up until ten!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I think I have post traumatic stress syndrome. shocked


Today a stack of boxes fell to the floor in another room, and I dived out the front door screaming "EVERYONE FOR HIMSELF!" taz


I'm not completely moved, but I may just leave the rest over there. razz


It's only Pepper's big cage, and the lawnmower. You know, anything could happen before next mowing season. rolleyes


The point is someone else may have to worry about mowing, why bother with that mower?? Right? duh


I might die of a heart attack........ think..... or freeze to death. snicker


One nice thing about not living over there anymore, is that I don't look out the window every morning and think, 'Boy I need to rake leaves, and pick up limbs'.


Have a happy day everybody.



joe


Do you think that after a huge battle in the middle ages, when they used swords and axes to kill each other, the generals sent the survivors back out on the field to pick up limbs?? dance


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988726
11/16/14 12:51 AM
11/16/14 12:51 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Isn't that your expensive zero-turn mower? Maybe you can sell it if you don't need it anymore. How are you enjoying the new house? Does Pepper and Baby like it?

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988732
11/16/14 03:54 AM
11/16/14 03:54 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Hi all. waveHave a relaxing Sunday. happydance smile


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988738
11/16/14 06:05 AM
11/16/14 06:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
wave kitty Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and All coming to Joe's. Coffee is ready. Have a wonderful Day everyone! kitty wave


Gerry
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988743
11/16/14 07:47 AM
11/16/14 07:47 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast at Cracker Barrel, a BJ's trip, and the grocery store are on the agenda for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Bacon, Ham, Sausage, Eggs, Hash Browns, Toast, and BB Pancakes in the NC. penguin


Connie
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988753
11/16/14 10:19 AM
11/16/14 10:19 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope you and Pepper are enjoying the new house, Joe. happydance

Have a happy day, too, Ana.

Have a relaxing day also, Haroula.

Thanks for the coffee, Gerry.

Thanks for the delicious breakfast, Connie.

I got woken up by kitty version Venus last night, went back to sleep and ended up sleeping much later than intended, which often happens if I'm woken up a couple of hours before I would have been up otherwise. Oh, well, I probably needed it with all my early days lately. lol Today, I think I will play a game or two. happydance

Hope everyone has a fantastic Sunday. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988756
11/16/14 10:28 AM
11/16/14 10:28 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,022
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,022
Unionville
Good morning fellow boomers. Hope everyone has a super Sunday wave


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988760
11/16/14 10:59 AM
11/16/14 10:59 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988765
11/16/14 11:44 AM
11/16/14 11:44 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I'm heading over to see James in a bit. I bought a 31 pound turkey and have nowhere to put it. rotfl Sam has an extra fridge in her basement so we are putting it there. After that it will be a corner day. It's looking a bit like Christmas already and it's snowing and covered in white. I guess it's time to embrace it because we can't change it.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #988766
11/16/14 12:04 PM
11/16/14 12:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope things settle down for you soon and you can start enjoying your new home! Have a great Sip & Surf Sunday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

An easy day planned today.... smile

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988772
11/16/14 12:51 PM
11/16/14 12:51 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe Ana is right, you could sell it and retrieve some of that you have invested in it. Are you all enjoying the new house? Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Ana nice you went and helped Peter move but I hope you didn't do anything you shouldn't have. Enjoy your visit with James! May the corner be kind and your shoulder keep getting better. HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie enjoy your breakfast out and happy shopping! Thanks for the spread of goodies! Have a lovely day!

venus you must have needed the extra sleep! Happy gaming and have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Space enjoy your Sunday and have a lovely day!

Darlene enjoy an easy peasy Sunday! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988790
11/16/14 03:27 PM
11/16/14 03:27 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Darn it!!!!! I just finished off the 1/2 gal. Blue Bell Moo-Llennium Crunch ice cream. That stuff is the best for breakfast. Even in cold weather, speaking of which, it's warmer today but this eve a new cold front comes marauding in and record cold temps for the night. There are 2 outdoor faucets here and they have been dripping since last Wednesday night -I just keep them dripping.

Opossums like graham crackers and vanilla icecream not tomatos and mini salads. Kinda warmish toward saltines but much prefer gourmet snack crackers. They will eat vegetarian spaghetti in a pinch. When they move on I'll miss them.

I watched the movie, Arkansas, through Amazon prime. Usually I go for the horror ones but this one certainly wasn't. About and old man who endevors to claim a 1 million $ prize which of course is a scam to sell magazines. It's a touching and sensitive movie.

Joe watch out for Baby because sometimes dogs return to their former home. One of mine tried. Give your pets a hug and did you ever find Sambo.


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988813
11/16/14 08:26 PM
11/16/14 08:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Oh my goodness, such a day wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: looney4labs] #988825
11/16/14 09:21 PM
11/16/14 09:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hey everybody. wave

I tried to post earlier today, and as soon as I hit submit I lost my internet connection, after being on line all morning. duh

I didn't do much all morning, but cleaned and organized all afternoon. thumbsup

Ana I already sold the zero-turn mower to my nephew. The one I have left is a push mower. wink

I could use a riding mower here, but I'm not worrying about it till next Summer. yes

I'm off to get tomorrow started. happydance

Have a nice evening everyone. wave


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988828
11/16/14 09:57 PM
11/16/14 09:57 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988829
11/16/14 10:23 PM
11/16/14 10:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Sweet dreams all, we have a very early start tomorrow. sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988835
11/16/14 11:10 PM
11/16/14 11:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
A lot of work but I got through it OK. Home now and watching the Pats game. I have an early shift in the morning. See you then.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #988856
11/17/14 12:56 AM
11/17/14 12:56 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Night all! Sleep well!

sleep
Nan

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