I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
George Bush (1924 - )
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Things Not To Say In Bed1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. Can you please try breathing through your nose.
6. A little rug burn never hurt anyone.
7. Darling, did you lock the back door?
8. But whipped cream makes me break out in a rash.
9. person 1: This is your first time...right? person 2: It is....... today
10. Can you pass me the remote control?
11. Do you accept Visa?
12. On second thoughts, let's turn off the lights.
13. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend.
14. So much for mouth-to-mouth
15. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
16. Try not to smear my make-up, will you'?
17. But I just brushed my teeth... 18. Smile, you're on candid camera!
19. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs?!
20. I want a baby!
21. So much for the fulfilment of sexual fantasies!
22. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
23. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
24. When is this supposed to feel good?
25. Did I remember to take my pill?
26. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
27. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.
28. Did I tell you my aunt Martha died in this bed?
29. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
30. No, really.. I do this part better myself.
31. This would be more fun with a few more people.
32. You're almost as good as my ex!
33. You look younger than you feel.
34. Perhaps you're just out of practice.
35. Now I know why she dumped you...
36. Does your husband own a sawn off shot-gun?
37. Have you ever considered liposuction?
38. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
39. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
40. I'll tell you I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about..
41. Does this count as a date?
42. I think biting is romantic- don't you?
42. When would you like to meet my parents?
43. Have you seen "fatal attraction"?
44. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not to good with names.
45. Don't mind me... I always file my nails in bed.
46. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a doberman.
47. Sorry but I don't do toes.
48. You could at least act like you're enjoying it!
49. Keep the noise down, my mother is a light sleeper.
50. I've slept with more women than Casanova!
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A man sits down at a bar and asks the bartender for 30 year old glass of whiskey.
The Bartender turns around and pulls a bottle of out of the cabinet and pours the glass and hands it to the man.
The man takes a drink and then spits it out and says "I asked for 30 year old whiskey! That's only 15 year old whiskey!"
So then the bartender turns around and and gets an old bottle and pours the man a glass.
The man takes a sip and says "I asked for 30 year old whiskey! That's only 25 year old whiskey!"
So the bartender takes an old, spider web covered bottle and pours the man a glass
The man takes a sip and says "Aww now that's 30 year old whiskey!"
An old man at the end of the bar slides the man a glass and says "Take a sip of that"
The man takes a sip and he says "That tastes like pee"
The old man at the end of the bar says "I know, but tell me how old I am"
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There were once two people travelling on a train, a scientist and a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met before, so naturally, there wasn't much conversation between the two.
The poet was minding his own business, looking out the window at the beauty of the passing terrain. The scientist was very uptight, trying to think of things he didn't know so he could try to figure them out.
Finally, the scientist was so bored, that he said to the poet, "Hey, do you want to play a game?"
The poet, being content with what he was doing, ignored him and continued looking out the window, humming quietly to himself. This infuriated the scientist, who irritably asked again, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, YOU ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give YOU $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who, by this time was going mad, tried a final time. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50!"
Now, the poet was not that smart academically, but he wasn't totally stupid. He readily accepted the offer. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the EXACT distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist. The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?" The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia.
After about an hour of this, the poet quietly watching the mountains of Colorado go by the whole time, the scientist FINALLY gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill. The poet accepted it graciously, turning back to the window.
"Wait!" the scientist shouted. "You can't do this to me! What's the answer??"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put another $5 bill into his hand.
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Good morning everyboomie.
The rain turned into snow.
There wasn't much rain, and there's not much snow to speak of, but I did anyway.
I'm not too thrilled about it since it feels like 20 degrees out there.
Brrrrr
Feels like about 40 in here.
I feel like 75 inside this bag-o-bones. 75 years old that is.
Anyway it's a good night to crawl into bed with a warm puppy to snuggle up to, and watch ice form on the windows.
Actually I'm going to watch a movie.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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I'l get the coffee going and keep it hot! Have a great day everyone 
Have an easy peasy day!
It's been a chilly day here and I've been safely tucked inside the house. 
, then went back to Walmart and bought a new key board.