First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.
Epictetus (55 AD - 135 AD)
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Two friends are walking in the jungle.
Suddenly a tiger appears in the distance running toward them. One friend pulls a pair of 'Nikes' out of his bag and quickly puts them on.
With a surprised look, the other friend says, "You don't really think you can out run that tiger with those?"
"I don't need to out run the tiger", his friend replies, "I just need to run faster than you".
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Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
"Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.
He said, "I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang...so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear..."
"But how the heck did you burn the other ear?" The doctor asked.
"How do you think I called you people?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection one afternoon observed a blind man with his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross the street.
All of a sudden, the policeman was aghast at the sight of the seeing-eye dog bolting out into the street in front of heavy traffic at one of the busiest intersections in the whole city, dragging the blind man along with the dog's leash in the blind man's hands while cars were trying to stop, screeching their brakes and swerving to avoid a fatal accident.
The policeman was absolutely horrified, but could do nothing to assist. To the immediate relief of the horrified police officer, the blind man and his dog somehow made it across the street without suffering any harm to themselves whatsoever. It was a miracle!
The police officer, still in shock, observed the blind man, upon reaching the corner sidewalk after having nearly been killed crossing the street, reach into his pocket and pull out a cookie and offer it to his seeing-eye dog.
The officer ran to the blind man and said to him in a loud distraught tone, "Don't you realize that you could have been killed by your dog dragging you out into a busy street in front of heavy traffic like that? And NOW you're going to reward him?"
The blind man hesitated a moment, then he said to the policeman, "Why, no sir! I'm just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick the other end."
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An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
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Signs You Are Getting Old: You find yourself listening to talk radio.
You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
When jogging is something you do to your memory.
Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.
You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.
You actually ASK for your father's advice.
You don't know how to operate a fax machine.
When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.
Oh yeah and then there's the obvious. Your hair has all turned white or fallen out, you can't see worth a darn anymore, you don't hear very well, and
EVERYTHING HURTS!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
As this day starts, so does my last day off. I'm not happy at all about that.
My only real regret is that it wasn't warmer for the last week. The cold made it hard to get things done.
Now as I go back to work, I see that the temperature is going back up.
What can I say.......without cursing?
I hope you all have a nice warm day.
joe
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Good Morning Joe and Haroula and All those coming to Joe's. Joe sorry you had cold weather for vacation. Haroula enjoy your work out. Coffee is ready Happy Day wished for All! 
a high of 50 today. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. Danish, Oatmeal, Bacon and Eggs, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. 
Was up early so I could run and feed the vampire. Had to stop at AT&T to see about reactivating my old phone since my new one(two years old) has been acting up lately and would not let me turn on wifi. 
Will get me a new one next month so hope doing this works.
