No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.
Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says. "Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?", the man asks.
"10..." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.
"10...9...8...7..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who
had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a
long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall
and there he was!
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave,
she approached him for an interview. "I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how
long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray
for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in
safety and friendship."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a wall."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Two hunters were off on their annual trip to the Canadian wilderness to bag a moose. As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot said, "I'll be back in one week to pick you up. But only one moose, please."
When he returned to the lake, he found the hunters proudly standing beside two moose.
"I told you guys only one moose!" the furious flier screamed. "There's no way the plane can take off with that much weight!"
"You're just a chicken pilot," one hunter said. "We killed two moose last year and that pilot wasn't afraid to take off."
Stung by the suggestion of cowardice, he reconsidered. "All right, if you did it last year, I guess we can try it."
They loaded up and the pilot taxied to the far end of the lake to begin his take-off. The plane bounced across the water as it strained to get airborne, but the overloaded aircraft finally ran out of space and crashed into the trees. Some time later, the hunters regained consciousness.
"Where are we?" one asked.
His friend looked around at the scattered debris, then back at the edge of the lake and replied, "Oh, I guess about a hundred yards farther than last year."
~~~~~~~
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said ??50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband Alex, came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Alex".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An FBI agent is interviewing a bank teller after the same bandit had robbed the bank 3 times successively.
"Did you notice anything special about the man? I mean, did he ever change his appearance?" asks the agent.
"Yes," replies the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
~~~~~~~~
A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.
"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Green.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Green. "You're getting smarter already!"
~~~~~~~~~~~
An American tourist visited a small town in Spain.
The residents had never seen an American before, so he was treated as an honoured guest at the hotel.
Dinning for the first night, he asked the waiter what he recommended for dinner.
He suggested the "cojones".
The tourist asked what they were and the waiter replied, "Those are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today."
He was shocked but agreed to try them after being assured it was a delicacy reserved only for special guests.
The tourist found them to be very tasty.
The next night he again ordered them for dinner.
The waiter complied but somewhat reluctantly.
The tourist again found them to be very tasty but asked the waiter why they were so much smaller than before.
The waiter said, "You see, Senor, sometimes it is the bull that wins!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Yikes I think the well has run dry.
I've been sitting here for over 30 minutes waiting for that second line to come and I'm not waiting anymore. I'm going on without it.
At this rate I won't get much sleep tonight, even though it's not late, and I don't have to get up early.
Since I bought this house, it's kinda hard now working at Lowe's and not spending my whole paycheck on stuff to improve my home.
I see something and I think, I need to replace that, or upgrade this. I'm already thinking about things like extending the fencing around the front yard, bricking the house, new carpet, new cabinet doors.
I'd better pull back from those dreams, and think about saving that money to spend on more important things, like lottery tickets, or going to the casinos, which are just across the highway from me.
I've been here 6 years, and in all that time I've been to the casino 1 time. I walked around for two hours and did not gamble a penny, but I watched my brother win a $1000 jackpot while playing penny slots.
I rejoiced at his good fortune.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Ana and Haroula. Joe you're going to have fun with the home improvements! Ana the kitty pictures are adorable. Did you say that sweet little girl hissed at you? 
Haroula are you still walking every day? I put the coffee on and water for tea. Wishing everyone a delightful day! 
I understand how you feel. We will also put up the tree and decorate inside and out. It will be hard, but hubby would want us to do it. Even last year when he was having trouble he still tried to help with the decorations. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thursday. Danish and Hot Chocolate in the NC. 
venus!! May work be fun and you have a lovely day!
