A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck.
James A. Garfield (1831 - 1881)
~~~~~~~~
Letters To Landlords1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot
bathe the children until it is
cleared.
2. I want some repairs done to my stove
as it has backfired and burnt my
knob off.
3. This is to let you know that there
is a smell coming from the man next
door.
4. I am writing on behalf of my sink,
which is running away from the wall.
5. I request your permission to remove
my drawers in the kitchen.
6. Our lavatory seat is broken in half
and is now in three pieces.
7. Will you please send someone to mend
our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my
wife tripped on it and is now
pregnant.
8. Will you please send a man to look
at my water, it is a funny color and
not fit to drink.
9. Would you please send a man to
repair my downspout. I am an old
page pensioner and need it straight
away.
10. When the workmen were here they put
their tools in my wife's new
drawers and made a mess. Please
send men with clean tools to finish
the job and keep my wife happy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hospital Charts
Actual writings on hospital charts: 1. she has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband
states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for
over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third
day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also
appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me
in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 years old male, mentally
alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another
hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past
three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for
lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of
her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car
for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and
accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus
sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he
took a job as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt
we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other
abnormalities.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A factory foreman is walking through the work area, and notices that Kawolski isn't at his station.
He asks one of the other workers if they know where Kawolski is, and the employee points straight up in the air. The foreman looks up, and there's Kawolski, hanging by one arm from the rafters.
"Get down from there, Kawolski," he yells, to which Kawolski replies, "But I'm a light bulb!"
The boss is -NOT- impressed, and makes Kawolski climb down and get back to work.
About an hour later, the boss is walking through the factory once again, and once again he notices that Kawolski is missing. On a hunch, he looks up, and again sees Kawolski hanging by one arm from the rafters.
The foreman makes him climb down, and chews him out, saying that if he catches Kawolski up there one more time, he's going to get fired.
Another hour later, the boss is making another round, and sure enough... there's Kawolski, hanging by one arm from the rafters.
"That's it, Kawolski," he yells. "You're FIRED!"
Kawolski climbs down, and grabs his lunchbox. As he gathers his belongings, all of the other employees stop working, and begin to empty their lockers as well.
"What's going on?" the foreman asks. "The rest of you had better get back to work right now!"
One of the employees turns to the forman and says, "Sorry boss, but we cannot work in the dark."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"What brings you before the great and powerful Wizard of Oz? What do you want?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly, "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"No problem!" says the Wizard, "Who is next?"
Up steps George Bush Senior sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I've heard its true." says the Wizard. "Consider it done. Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?"
George W. bush steps forward, "Well, I think I need a brain".
"Done" says the Wizard.
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "What brings you to the emerald city?"
"Is Dorothy around?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pirate walks into a bar. He has a peg leg, hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.
The bartender asks "So, what happened to your leg?"
The pirate says "Aaar, I was fighting the British Navy and they blew up me ship, I fell over board, and a shark bit me leg off."
"Oh," said the bartender,"what happened to your hand?"
The pirate replies, "Aaar, I was fighting the British Navy again, and won came up and chopped me hand of with his sword."
The bartender then asked,"Well what happened to your eye?"
The pirate answered, "Aaar, I was walking down the beach and I looked up and there were some seagulls and one doodooed in me eye."
"And that caused your eye to be put out?," asked the bartender.
To this the pirate said,"No, first day with me hook!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
Like sands through the hourglass, so are the thoughts in my mind.
I'm trying to conserve my thoughts.
That's why I recycle them so much.
There is the slight possibility, however, that my hourglass got cracked during the last hail storm we had.
I may have lost a few grains of thought.
I didn't lose this one though.
I think it's time to turn out the lights, and turn in.
What do you think?
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Ana, and Haroula. Joe sleep well. Ana hope your pain has subsided. Haroula may the sun shine on your day. Coffee is ready Sue. Have a Wonderful day everyone! 
so were trying to get him used to nice people again 
