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Tuesday's #989991
11/24/14 07:39 PM
11/24/14 07:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite sugar cookies wafting up the stairs.

He gathered enough strength to get out bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom.

With even greater effort, he forced his boney fingers to grab the handrail and he went down the stairs, one stumbling step at a time.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, on the kitchen table, spread out in rows upon wax paper, were literally hundreds of his favorite sugar cookies.

Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of 60 years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he lunged toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture.

His parched lips were slightly parted. The wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand, driven by one last gritty effort, shakingly made its way towards a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, "They're for the funeral!"
~~~~~~~~~~


An old Jewish man went to a diner every day for lunch. He always ordered the soup du jour. One day the manager asked him how he liked his meal. The old man replied (with Yiddish accent), "Vas goot, but you could give a little more bread."

So the next day the manager told the waitress to give him four slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asked. "Vas goot, but you could give a little more bread," came the reply.

So the next day the manager told the waitress to give him eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the manager asked. "Vas goot, but you could give maybe a little more bread," came the reply.

So...the next day the manager told the waitress to give him a whole loaf of bread with his soup. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asked, when he came to hand him the bill. "Vas goot, but you could give maybe a little more bread," came the reply once again.

The manager was obsessed with seeing this customer say that he is satisfied with his meal, so he went to the bakery, and ordered a six-foot-long loaf of bread. When the man came in as usual the next day, the waitress and the manager cut the loaf in half, buttered the entire length of each half, and laid it out along the counter, right next to his bowl of soup. The old man sat down, and devoured his bowl of soup, and both halves of the six-foot-long loaf of bread.

The manager now thinks he will get the answer he is looking for, and when the old man came up to pay for his meal, the manager asked in the usual way, "How was your meal TODAY, sir?"

The old Jew replied, "It vas goot as usual, but vy you are back to giving only two slices bread!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane. The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany". The others ask, "How do you know", the German says, "Cuz' it's so cold". Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia", the others ask "How do you know", he replies "Cuz' it's so warm". Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico", the others ask "How do you know", he says " Cuz' my watch in gone".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One day, she was talking to her Preacher about this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females. So they put the four parrots together. So, the females yelled at the male parrots, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One male parrot said to the other, "Put the Bibles away! We've made it to heaven!"
~~~~~~~~~

A pair of birds were sitting on a branch of a tree when they see a turtle run past them, jump off the branch and flap his arms as hard as he can. He falls to the ground. The poor turtle repeats this process numerous times, and then one bird says to the other "dear, do you think we should tell him he's adopted?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
~~~~~~~~~~

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins.

He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."

The guy says okay, and drives away.

The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins -- and they're all wearing sunglasses.

He pulls the guy over and demands, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"

The guy replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach!"
~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It's a beautiful morning. yay


Well, I think it might be. yes


It's dark, but I'm sure it's a nice day. shocked


What-ever! I get off at 3:00 today, and I guarantee it'll be a nice day then. woot


It may be pathetic, but I'm starting to like it getting dark at 5:30, or 6:00. "It's dark out? BED TIME!!!" yay


I enjoy the bedroom better than any other room in the house. penguin


Yep.........pathetic. rolleyes


Have a happy day everyone.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #989995
11/24/14 08:24 PM
11/24/14 08:24 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Tuesday everyone. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Space Quest Fan] #989996
11/24/14 08:56 PM
11/24/14 08:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Bed time is right Joe tiredHi SpaceQurst wave Still mild weather here but snow on the way Wed. eek Coffee is on!! wishing you all a great day eatfish


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990004
11/24/14 10:09 PM
11/24/14 10:09 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Tuesday Joe, Space Quest, Cailyn and all who come in after me. wave

It's Monday night for me, and I'm off to sleep for another early work day in the morning. It looks like I have a six day work week, including Thanksgiving evening. crazy Oh, well, I figured that was coming. At least I'll have a good amount of hours.

Okay, off to sleep. Have a terrific Tuesday, everyone. turkey


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990016
11/25/14 12:16 AM
11/25/14 12:16 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, Sue, SpaceQ, venus and all! wave

It looks like Christmas here. It's white and cold. I'll be at PT, grocery shopping, brushing my dogs, vacuuming and gaming today. THat's about it. lol

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990027
11/25/14 02:27 AM
11/25/14 02:27 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good mornig,have all a happy day. smile happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990037
11/25/14 06:28 AM
11/25/14 06:28 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
turkey Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Sue, venus, Ana and Haroula. Joe love your funnies. SpaceQ have a great one too. Sue coffee is good! We are getting snow tomorrow too, but today is going to be 60 degrees and beautiful! Venus hope your day whooshes by! Ana sounds like a full day ahead for you. Haroula happy day to you as well! Wishing everyone a day filled with sunshine. turkey


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990057
11/25/14 08:40 AM
11/25/14 08:40 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers turkey

Joe, wishing you an easy day today.

Sue, coffee is desperately needed. Thanks

Space, have a good day!

Venus, hope you slept well.

Ana, we're in for snow tomorrow.

Haroula, happy day!

Gerry, enjoy the good weather while it's here.

Going Christmas shopping today. Want to get an early start so I can relax and enjoy it later. Warm weather today....snow tomorrow. I'll get to use my new snow blower tomorrow. penguin


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: GBC] #990080
11/25/14 11:01 AM
11/25/14 11:01 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy Tuesday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990086
11/25/14 11:49 AM
11/25/14 11:49 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe hope you slept well in the dark! lol May work fly and go well. Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

Sue thanks for the coffee. It is a bit nippy in the wind out there this morning. Have a lovely day!

venus early to rise and work means you get off earlier. lol May work fly and be fun! Have a lovely day!

Ana sounds like a plan! lol We hardly got any of the snow, like an inch if we are lucky, but about thirty miles away they got more then six inches and counting. We had rain and now that is froze to the roads and sidewalks. Good luck at PT and enjoy the shopping, the brushing, vacuuming, but most of all the gaming!! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry hope it won't be too much snow. Have a lovely day!

Gail have fun shopping. Smart to do it early and avoid some of the crowds. Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990093
11/25/14 11:59 AM
11/25/14 11:59 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday Ya'll puppy

Today is a cleaning and organizing and cooking day. wave Busy, busy, busy turkey


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990096
11/25/14 12:09 PM
11/25/14 12:09 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Hummmm. GB keeps signing me out for the last few days. Gotta check my settings.

COLD this morning. Actually turned on the heater for a few. Guess it's finally getting to our Fall cooler weather, except that the weather guys say we are in for another Santa Ana. Winds from the desert, warm, dry, dusty weather. Always happens just as the Christmas Tree Lots put out their fresh trees. The humidity drops and the trees crisp. Not good for sales.

Saw Hunger Games yesterday. Good movie. Not very much 'action' but at least it's continuing the story line. Looking forward to next years FINAL installment. NEWLY refurbished local theater only 5 blocks away is AWESOME! Every seat is a fully electric powered recliner! Geez. Overstuffed, comfy, fun to play with the controls. My fried drove me nuts going back and forth. Ugh. I'll go there again now that it's all redone. Never saw a theater with recliners for everyone! And when you buy tickets, they ask you to choose a seat right then. Interesting. Now I know the 'layout', I'll be able to choose the best seats.

Best part of the deal was that a group of about 15 or so school kids came in with a teacher and sat in the row ahead. They were all taking 'selfies' before the movie. I'm sure I am in several of them. Gonna be fun when they look at the pics. Ha. Who is that old lady in our pics??? rotfl


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990103
11/25/14 12:18 PM
11/25/14 12:18 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Off to PT. Not a happy camper today.

Hope your day is awesome!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990114
11/25/14 02:50 PM
11/25/14 02:50 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Hope it is helpful, Ana wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990122
11/25/14 04:07 PM
11/25/14 04:07 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
hi all and a happy tuesday. My word, it's almost 2015 -Wow -how time flies. Yesterday I called the plumber to start improving/repairing my house to sell in 2 years and he said he would call back at night and wouldn't you know my phone broke. It's doing real wierd things. It's a land line as I never got a cell phone but now is time. A great leap forward. Must do some research now.


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Tuesday's [Re: Yankee Clipper] #990125
11/25/14 04:37 PM
11/25/14 04:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990146
11/25/14 08:25 PM
11/25/14 08:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Yankee, where ya going?

Space, wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990154
11/25/14 08:47 PM
11/25/14 08:47 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Hi all wave Long busy day but I got a lot done. I even snuck in a much needed haircut. I cut 5 inches off and it feels weird now. lol

Are we all having a good day?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #990161
11/25/14 09:37 PM
11/25/14 09:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hi looney. lol

It is a good day so far Ana. Short weeks are great. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990165
11/25/14 09:54 PM
11/25/14 09:54 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #990173
11/25/14 11:27 PM
11/25/14 11:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Checking in to the diner. I worked a split shift today but I have tomorrow off. rah Tomorrow I have to pick up some contact lenses. The ones I'm wearing aren't quite right. I'll see if the new ones are right. Then to the chiropractors for an adjustment. I hope you all have a good day tomorrow. We're expecting rain but the west people are gonna get about 6 inches of snow.

Night all. See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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