Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed.
Herman Melville (1819 - 1891)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office.
She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor.
After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"
"Oh...he is breast fed!", replied the woman.
"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.
She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table.
The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.
The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says -
"No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!"
The woman with a wry grin on her face responds..."Well of course I don't."
"I'm his aunt - but I'm SURE GLAD I brought him in!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I
couldn't see where the ball went."
"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife,
"Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore,"
protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,"
Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung,
and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
"Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk staggers into a bar and says to the bartender,
"I'd like to buy everyone in the bar a drink and get one for yourself too!"
The bartender makes the drinks and everyone raises their glass
and yells "CHEERS!" and downs their drinks.
The bartender says "That'll be $37.50."
The drunk says, "Kiss my big white rear, 'cuz I don't have any money!"
This infuriates the bartender who then jumps over the bar and beats up the drunk and throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks into the same bar and says,
"I'd like to buy the whole bar a drink, and get one for yourself, too".
The bartender figures that maybe he was a little hard on the guy the day before and decides to give the guy the
benefit of the doubt. He makes the drinks and they all say,
"Salute!" and down the drinks.
The bartender says, "That'll be $42,50."
The drunk replies by putting his thumb to his nose, wiggling his fingers, and making a loud raspberry noise followed by, "I don't have any money and you can kiss my big white rear!"
This angers the bartender even more than the first time.
He jumps over the bar and beats the drunk and throws him out
into the street onto his face and kicks him a few times for good measure.
The next day the same drunk walks into the same bar, but before he can say anything the bartender says,
"Let me guess, you want to buy the whole bar a drink and I should get one for myself, too, right?"
The drunk replies, "No way, you get too violent when you drink!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out
to the other, "Hey Nice bike! Where did you get it?"
"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this
pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her
clothes, and says 'You can have anything you want!!'"
"Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He bought a nice, used chicken farm and moved in. As it turned out, his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I'll give you 100 chickens."
The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the neighbor dropped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too well. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh, I can???t believe that. I've never had any trouble with my chickens. I'll give you 100 more." Another two weeks went by and the neighbor stopped by again. The new farmer said, "You're not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbor asked, "What went wrong?"
The new farmer said, "Well, I'm not sure whether I'm planting them too deep or too close together."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Savings alert!! If you go into your local Lowe's today you can get a great price on a turkey fryer.
We have 3 different models on clearance.
Come down here and I'll give you an even better deal.
I have a bunch.
Call it your Lowe's Black Wednesday Special.
Yesterday was black too.
Any day I have to work is a black day.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Ana and Haroula and all coming to the Diner. Joedon't work to hard. Ana I'm with you on the fryers! haroula have a happy day too. We are expecting snow later! Coffee is ready Sue! Wishing All a great day! 
Something I ate didn't agree with me yesterday, so I'm staying here for now. Luckily, I'm not actually on the schedule today. I was just going to go in to get a few extra hours. I texted my co-worker, so by the time he gets up and goes to work, he can write and tell me if he needs help for a few hours later in the day. I'm thinking he'll probably be okay, since there isn't a whole lot to do this week. They probably lightened our load a bit since it's Black Friday week. I'm hoping he doesn't need any help so I can stay here and get some rest. Tomorrow evening is going to be frantic with all the Black Friday people, so an extra day off won't hurt anyway. 
Made a diet apple pie with splenda for me