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Suds Sipping Sunday #990772
11/30/14 02:24 AM
11/30/14 02:24 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart.
Saint Jerome (374 AD - 419 AD)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."
~~~~~~~~

This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go sell!"
The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!"

The third came in and said, "I- i - I wa - wa- wa-want t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi - bi - bi - Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles for you!"

"No," shouted the man, " this will never work! You can't sell Bibles for me!" The applicant replied, "B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!"

As there were no other applicants, he man said, "OK, I'll give you one shot at this, but I expect you to PRODUCE!"

At the end of the can, the first applicant comes back and reports, "I sold 8 Bibles today." The second reports: "I sold 11 Bibles today. The third worker reports, "To-to-to-to t-t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I so-, I so- I sold 28 Bi- bi- b- bibles!" "Great," says the man. "However, I want you to sell lots more Bibles than that, so get out there tomorrow and MAKE ME SOME MONEY!"

At the end of the first day, the first worker comes in and reports, "Today, I sold 32 Bibles." The second worker reports, "I sold 44 Bibles today" The third worker reports, "To-to-to t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I sold 79 Bi-bi-bi- sold 79, sold 79 Bibles."

"Fantastic," said the man, "since you're doing so well, so much better than these other two bums, why don't you tell them what your sales technique is." Replied the worker, "I-i-I j-j-j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, wa, just wal- wa- wa- walk, just walk up to up to up to just walk up to them and and ask, them and ask, them and ask if th-th-th-th ask if they w-w-w-w-w- wa- ask if they want t-t-t-t-o-o- if they want to b--b-b-b-b if they want to buy a Bi-bi - want to buy a Bi--b--a - a- abi - buy a to buy a Bi-bi-bible, or d-d-d-d-d do th-th-they do they w-w-w-ant me to READ it to 'em?"
~~~~~~~

Two military policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from The military base. The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent. He saw a nun seated on a round bench beneath a tree, quietly reading a book.

He said to her, "Quick sister, please hide me I don't want to be drafted and the M.P.'s are chasing me!"

She lifted up her skirt and said, "Quick hide under here." The two policemen came by and asked if she had seen anyone. She replied, "No."

After they left she told the young boy to come out and that everything was going to be OK. He thanked her and said, "You have a nice set of legs for a nun!"

She replied, "If you reach up a little farther you'll find a nice set of testicles too. I'm not going to be drafted either!"
~~~~~~~~~~

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry...we can't hire you."

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the
defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.

He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."
~~~~~~~~~~~

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.

A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress and figuring that the fellow was in need of some assistance, proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. But his attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?"

"I dunno..." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me...."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim.

"How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It's so nice to be off for a day. Of course two days off would be better. Actually three days would be a whole lot better. Four days would be....never mind. rolleyes


I'm not gonna get through this post. slapforehead


I keep closing my eyes & making it very difficult to type anything. sleep


It's after midnight and I still haven't showered. shocked


If I don't shower believe me Baby won't let me in the bed. puppy


I will see you all in the morning. happydance


Have a super happy day everyone.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990773
11/30/14 03:37 AM
11/30/14 03:37 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have all a happy day. wave
I'm going to visit my parents to Athens for 5 days
with my son.
No internet there.
See you in 5 days. hearts


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990776
11/30/14 05:44 AM
11/30/14 05:44 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, Haroula and everyoe coming to the Diner. Joe happy dreams! Haroula have a wonderful visit with your parents. See you back in the Diner in 5 days! Coffee is on Sue. Wishing All a peaceful Sunday! wave


Gerry
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990780
11/30/14 07:13 AM
11/30/14 07:13 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning.I hope everyone has a super Sunday. I'm off to work shortly.

Midgie hearts woot


Just do it.
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: Midge] #990785
11/30/14 10:14 AM
11/30/14 10:14 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
I liked the life jacket joke Joe. lol

Have a good Sunday everyone. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990788
11/30/14 10:23 AM
11/30/14 10:23 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope you slept well, Joe.

Have a great Sunday, Gerry.

Hope work goes well, Midge.

Have a good Sunday as well, Space Quest.

It's my one and only day off this week, so I think I'm going to do nothing but relax and game. yes After that, I'll have to work Monday through Saturday, and it will probably be like that all through the holidays. I can't complain about the hours, but I think I'm going to collapse for a while once it's all over. lol

And now, I'm off to find a game to play. Have a great Sunday, everyone. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990793
11/30/14 11:17 AM
11/30/14 11:17 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe glad you finally have a day off from all those crowds!! Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely visit with your parents and safe travels! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee. It was a little cool out there this morning that Sassy didn't want to walk too far. lol Wait til tomorrow morning...she might not want to go out at all since the windchill will be -20 to -40. Brrrrrrrrr. Have a lovely day!

Midge have fun at work and have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!!

venus glad you finally have a day off from the crowds too! Enjoy it. Happy gaming! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990797
11/30/14 12:23 PM
11/30/14 12:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! HUbby and BIL went golfing early this morning and my sis and I will then will meet up with them for a late lunch/early dinner. In the meantime I am cleaning my desk and organizing paperwork. Ick!

Have a great vacation Haroula!

Have a happy day Nan, Joe, Gerry, venus, spaceQ, Midgie! No Gail today?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990798
11/30/14 12:36 PM
11/30/14 12:36 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Oh joy, oh joy! For the past 4 days I've been deluged with calls from the 'caretaker' guy from the old guy's house saga. He usually calls me once a month or so just to check on things or tell me that he's called the police etc. after he drove by and saw people in there. Soooo this time he asks me an interesting question about police procedures and what was a '...kit'? If you watch CSI, Criminal Minds, or any other cops show you will know what I'm talking about. He hangs out, every night, at a bar just around the corner from his mobile home park and since he's no longer with 'Bad Gal' (the one who is engineering the stealing) he decided to look for other 'companions'. So some gal he never met asked for a ride home. Uhhuh. Halfway to her house (or whatever rock she's living under) she asks if she can stay the night with him. He falls for it (usually his mom is there but she's in the hospital now) and insists NOTHING happened. He's a very religious guy, very simple minded, totally honest to a fault, and I believe him. However, the next morning, he finds a backpack on his porch, doesn't put 2 and 2 together and takes it to the police station and turns it in. A few days later, the bartender hands him two notes left by THE girl. One says, 'where's my stuff'? and the other says, 'I'm going to the police and getting a '...kit' done.

So he has no idea what is going on. The police show up at his trailer, ask him about what happened, he tells them the truth, he agrees to a DNA test and the officer tells him not to worry, it's probably nothing. BUT he's worried, he went to a lawyer to see what to do...if. I figure the girl does this sort of thing a lot. Maybe just drunk, maybe trying to extort money. We don't know yet. I asked him very specific questions about what 'they' did and nothing he said was even remotely close to any bad stuff. Like I said, he's VERY religious and doesn't do certain things outside of marriage.

Could use a few or a ton of prayers for him and the stupid girl who is causing all this turmoil. Wish the poor guy was smarter, but he's got some sort of brain damage from birth which makes him very gullible. I'll keep trying to coach him on the wiley ways of women and told him to tell the bartender (who knows him well) what happened so he can warn other guys who frequent the bar that this girl is trouble with a capital T. Gads....

I guess my troubles with the empty house will never end. cry


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990803
11/30/14 01:07 PM
11/30/14 01:07 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good morning fellow boomers. Hope everyone has a sunny Sunday smile
Never a dull moment in your neighbourhood Sorta lol


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: Sorta Blonde] #990805
11/30/14 01:15 PM
11/30/14 01:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and enjoy your Suds Sipping Sunday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Looks like rain here...much needed.

Easy peasy day planned. smile


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990817
11/30/14 04:12 PM
11/30/14 04:12 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Hi Darlene, manxman and Sorta! wave

Off to an early dinner!

Ana


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990841
11/30/14 08:00 PM
11/30/14 08:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Back from "A Christmas Carol" followed by dinner out. Now full and sleepy. Boys were very good. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990863
11/30/14 10:15 PM
11/30/14 10:15 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990866
11/30/14 10:41 PM
11/30/14 10:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good night venus, sweet dreams.

L4L, glad you had a fun time.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990870
11/30/14 11:11 PM
11/30/14 11:11 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,680
kansas
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer
my10rugrats  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,680
kansas
evening everyone. our great grandson finally made his appearance tonight. mom had to have a c-section, mom, dad and baby Remington dean are doing great. he weighed 8lbs and 13 oz. will post pics when we go seen them

Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990872
11/30/14 11:17 PM
11/30/14 11:17 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Congrats My10! What a great name. woot


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990875
11/30/14 11:30 PM
11/30/14 11:30 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Boys did much better than I expected. Good job, Dad!

Ana, how is your shoulder feeling?

Time for bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Suds Sipping Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #990876
11/30/14 11:37 PM
11/30/14 11:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
It's slow going, but I can see tiny little things improving. I need a lot of patience!

Sweet dreams!


Don't feed the Trolls
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