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Thump Day #993768
12/17/14 11:10 PM
12/17/14 11:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty
scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the
Johnson Farm."
The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man goes into a restaurant with his wife. The waiter approaches the table and asks for their order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," he says.

"But sir, what about the mad cow?!" asks the waiter.

"Oh," answers the man, "she'll order for herself."
~~~~~~~~

A nice young man wanted to purchase a Christmas
gift for his new sweetheart. As they had not been dating very long,
after some careful consideration, he decided that a pair of elegant winter gloves would strike just the right note - romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to a
fine department store and chose a pair of lovely white fur-lined gloves. The sister did her own shopping, buying a pair of panties for herself.

While the clerk was wrapping the items, she got the boxes mixed up, and gave the gloves to the sister and gift-wrapped the panties for the young man.

The young man sealed the package without noticing and sent it to his sweetheart, who opened it on Christmas to find his enclosed note:


I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she demonstrated the short ones she wears that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from
Showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked very sharp.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming
year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love.

(P.S... The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied... "The balcony."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heaven is when you have:

* An American salary.

* A british home.

* Chinese food.

* A Swiss economy.

* An Italian body.

* A Japanese technology.

* An African tool.

* An Indian wife.

Hell is when you have:

* An American wife.

* A british body.

* A chinese tool.

* Swiss food.

* An Italian technology.

* A Japanese home.

* An african economy.

* An Indian salary.
~~~~~~~~~~


Mrs. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell her that her husband's been in a terrible automobile accident. She rushes to the hospital, runs into the ER and says her husband's
been in an accident. They tell her Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out into the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mrs. Jones.

"Mrs. Jones?" the doctor asks.

"Yes, doctor, what's happened? How is my husband?"

The doctor sits next to her and says, "Not good news, I'm afraid. Your husband's accident resulted in two fractures of his spine."

"Oh my God!" says Mrs. Jones, "What is the prognosis?"

"Well, Mrs. Jones, the good news is his vital signs are stable. However, his spine is inoperable. He'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed him."

Mrs. Jones begins to sob...

"And you'll have to turn him in his bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."

Mrs. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly...

"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have to diaper
him as he'll have no control over his bladder and, of course, these diapers must be changed at least five times a day."

Mrs. Jones begins to shake as she cries, sobs, wails... The doctor continues:

"And you'll have to clean up his feces on a regular basis, as he'll have no control over his sphincters. His bowels will engorge whenever and quite often, I'm afraid. Of course, you must clean him immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent he'll be emitting regularly."

Now Mrs. Jones is convulsing, sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass.

Just then, Dr. Smith reaches out his hand, pats Mrs. Jones on the shoulder, and says, "Hey, I'm just messing with you. He's dead."
~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Only 7 more shopping days until Christmas. santadance


You know, it really just doesn't seem like Christmas to me. duh12


It's been a relatively warm Winter so far, and I'm a Bah Humbug type anyway. razz12


You get that way after so many years in retail.......if you're me. grinch


If you're not me you might enjoy it a little more. grin12


I'll enjoy today though because it's employee appreciation day, and were having steaks for lunch. woot


They never did that before. bravo12 Ho Ho Ho.


Have a happy day everyone.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993771
12/17/14 11:29 PM
12/17/14 11:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
WooHoo for steaks, Joe! Enjoy your lunch! I can only imagine how retail and the holidays can make you go bah humbug!

Have a great day all!

Ana happydance12


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993790
12/18/14 02:10 AM
12/18/14 02:10 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have a happy day all! santadance presents12


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993800
12/18/14 05:05 AM
12/18/14 05:05 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
I'm off for another work whoosh. wave12 Have a great Thursday, everyone. tree


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993804
12/18/14 05:08 AM
12/18/14 05:08 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
tree Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, venus and all coming to Joe's. Coffee is ready. Wishing everyone a great day! tree


Gerry
Re: Thump Day [Re: Kaki's Sister] #993811
12/18/14 05:25 AM
12/18/14 05:25 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Hey ya Boom Boom buddies grin12



HI Joe, Ana, Haroula, Venus & Gerry santa
and everybody else coming in wave12

I got GREAT news!! Went to Doctors(thats not the good news) Had a test done on my Kidneys, my Creatine
level went from 3.8 to 2.2!!!!!! that means I
don't have to have Dialysis yet!! woot santadance happydance12 MERRY CHRISTMAS to me!! rotfl12 Karen


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993827
12/18/14 08:26 AM
12/18/14 08:26 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Karen, that's Wonderful news. happydance12 To all here and all who follow, have a Super Thump day. Danish, Waffles, and BB Pancakes in the NC. tree reindeer


Connie
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993857
12/18/14 10:22 AM
12/18/14 10:22 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
WOOHOO Karen!!! He works in mysterious ways!!!! Merry Christmas!!

Well I am off in a few for a busy day with a doc appointment this morning then off to pick up friends and take them to get a Christmas basket from the Salvation Army then off to a Christmas luncheon and finally to a different doc appointment. Think I may just collaspe after that. lol12

May you all have a very lovely day!!

wave12
Nan

Re: Thump Day [Re: auntiegram] #993866
12/18/14 11:00 AM
12/18/14 11:00 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your steak lunch and have a wonderful Thump Day!

Karen, wonderful news! hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Almost Friday...... woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993868
12/18/14 11:05 AM
12/18/14 11:05 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
WooHoo, Doc, that is awesome news happydance12

Joe, enjoy your lunch reindeer

Nan, your day sounds exhausting. I hope you enjoy it! puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993876
12/18/14 11:37 AM
12/18/14 11:37 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I have an extremely full day today, as soon as I get showered I'm off to do my EKG and then off to PT and then off to the lab for bloodwork. Sometime after that I need to finish and turn in my project. lol12

Karen, I am jumping up and down with joy for you!!! hearts

Have a great day everyone!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993894
12/18/14 12:38 PM
12/18/14 12:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ana, hope it all goes well reindeer


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993897
12/18/14 12:43 PM
12/18/14 12:43 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Great news Karen! penguin

Had fun yesterday. Our friend (the caretaker guy from the empty house saga) was due here at 9:00am to load about 10 small bags/boxes of household hazardous waste and take it in his pickup truck to the disposal place. I worked on making sure he would definitely be here and be on time. Talked to him every day for a week. He has some mental problems from birth that necessitate 'repeating' things for him. Soooo, the night before, he calls. Oh oh. Wants to know if it's OK to come at 9:30 instead of 9:00? Sigh. OK I agree. He mentions stopping for gas, etc. We are PAYING him for the gas and time so I figure this will be a good deal for him. 20 bucks and a few extra benefits (hard hat/tie down straps/car parts) would be great for 1 hour total work.

So the morning comes. I drag my 5 little bags over (not big but HEAVY) with bottles of antifreeze, paint cans, all sorts of car oil and stuff. It's 9:00 am and I get that 'feeling'. I tell my neighbor lady that I don't think this is going well, and she and I bag her stuff and drag it to the curb. This will save HIM time and effort. I go home and call him. No answer, phone goes directly to answering service. Hummmm.

At 9:30 I go back and tell neighbor that if he isn't here by 10:30 WE are going to somehow pack all that stuff in my hatch back car and WE are going to drive and find the dump facility and be done with it. So at 10:25 he's still not called back and isn't here. WE pack my car (put down a nice tarp) strain a few muscles each, and off we go. Only glitch was when we turned into the City Schools BUS depot. Yikes! Turned around went up the road a bit and Voila! found the place. They were very organized. A single line drive, lots of helpers, all sorts of 'separate' areas for stuff. I managed to panic them by getting out of my car. Guess WE who have just handled all this 'toxic' stuff, can't be outside the car? Anyway, they made me move back behind a gate. I had to get out, couldn't sit because the 'strained muscles' were starting to cramp.

So the guys unloaded, smiled, said this is the BIGGEST load of stuff they have ever seen in one car. Strange. Wow. Guess 30 years of stuff was more than they ever see? Then friend/neighbor gal and I take off for sandwiches. She bought mine and gave me (against my protests) 10 bucks for helping her. Can't argue with her, found that out long ago. Take and say thanks and all is well. WE were going to pay the guy 10 bucks each anyway, so I saved 10, got 10 more, and a free sandwich to boot. Pretty good.

We drive home, and guess who is sitting out front with his truck? Yup, our 'almost' worker. He's got a great story, which pretty much matches what my neighbor and I had said he would say. Up late, got a call from mom (in hospital) early, laid back down, fell asleep, just woke up, etc. We knew it might happen. We didn't chastise him at all, and in fact neighbor gave him a box of new oil filters that she kept just in case he could use them. He drives OLD cars and trucks and somehow keeps them running. 50's stuff or earlier.

So we were happy our yukky stuff was gone, he was happy (after we soothed him), and we probably will not enlist his aid again, now that we know he can't keep schedules or appointments. Nice guy, in his 50's, caring, honest, but just the mental capacity holds him back. Just glad this is all over. Worked out for everyone. Fun day.

Hope today is less stressful. Need a little peace and quiet, but then I'm planning on shopping at Costco so I guess that idea is silly. insane


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993898
12/18/14 12:48 PM
12/18/14 12:48 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Wow Karen that's good news and how!!!! Now you enjoy your Christmas time -do you buy your pets gifts? Amazon has those yeowwee catnip things that mine like. Hugs for joy.

Today is going to be one top notch fire cracker day -I slept in till 9- Ah, the freedom of retirement. One blessing of growing old. It gave a feeling of power and was Devine Decadence and the 1st G'Boomer who identifies the play/musical/movie this phrase comes from will be the winner.

Hair cut day so I won't look so shaggy for Christmas. Also a warm day...good. Maybe even a lentil soup day. Next grocery day I'll be picking up almonds, walnuts etc to make energy bars, the recipe sounds so good.

Well, happy day befor Friday all


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993922
12/18/14 02:51 PM
12/18/14 02:51 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer
flutist  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
Hi there everyone. Woke up to snow but we didn't get very much. Temps in the 30's.

Not been doing much this week. I did clean the doors on my kitchen cabinets and now they shine. Have taken the dogs for walks, weather permitting. We had some days that were pretty nasty here, misty, rainy, cloudy, yucky.

We will be going over to Carol and Dave's on Sat. night. Speaking of Carol, her last test showed her in remission. So for the next year she will be on 3 maintenance doses of medication. happydance12

Christmas eve, we will be busy. Going over to Vince's parents for a little while in the afternoon, then have been invited over to a friends house for dinner. Tuesday night, Vince will be over for dinner and will give him his gift then. Christmas day is busy also.

Everyone have a great day. santadance

Bets


Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993953
12/18/14 05:12 PM
12/18/14 05:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave12


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993955
12/18/14 05:18 PM
12/18/14 05:18 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. I'm off to work in a few. I hope you're all enjoying the day. Karen that's really great news.

Well see you later.

Midgie hearts tree yay12 santadance holidays reindeer presents12


Just do it.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #993984
12/18/14 07:11 PM
12/18/14 07:11 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Hope all boomers are having a terrific Thursday santa


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Thump Day [Re: manxman] #993996
12/18/14 08:09 PM
12/18/14 08:09 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
HI BOOMERS santa

anybody know where to get the candy WALNETTOS??
my mom loves these things and they don't sell them here~ I remember i used to buy them at our Murphys corner store happydance12 Karen tree


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Thump Day [Re: Drmojo] #993998
12/18/14 08:16 PM
12/18/14 08:16 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 48,230
near Yosemite
Marian Offline
Global Moderator
Marian  Offline
Global Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 48,230
near Yosemite
I see several places online where you can order them, but I can't find any brick-and-mortar places to buy them (this isn't to say that there aren't any). wave12

Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #994003
12/18/14 08:55 PM
12/18/14 08:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Amazon, Nuts.com (which I use every year at CHristmas) and others have them Karen.

Ana :wave:


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #994014
12/18/14 11:21 PM
12/18/14 11:21 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep12


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #994020
12/19/14 01:13 AM
12/19/14 01:13 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Night everybody!! Sleep well!!

sleep12
Nan

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