Gratitude is our most direct line to God and the angels. If we take the time, no matter how crazy and troubled we feel, we can find something to be thankful for.
Terry Lynn Taylor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were
able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Once there was a man who every week bought a lottery ticket in the local liquor store. He really didn't expect to win until one day he jumped in joy when he found out that he won 30 million dollars. The man immidiatly ran to his car, drove home at full speed, pulled up the drive way, ran inside the house slamed the front door behind him. As soon as he saw his wife, he said "Honey, I've won the lottery so pack your bags!!!" The man's wife leaping in joy asked him; "What should I pack for?, for hiking, mountain climbing or sun bathing honey!?"
"I don't care what you pack for, just be out by the time I get back!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was
finally time to marry.
Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how
their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements
and so on.
Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their
sexual relationship...
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully.
"Well, I'd have to say I like it infrequently," she responded.
The old guy paused....then he asked, "Was that one word or two?"
~~~~~~~~
Giraffe and bunny meet up in the forest. Giraffe, in his usual arrogant way starts up a conversation.
"So, bunny, do you know how great it is to have such a long neck?" he asks, a faint tone of smugness in his voice.
"I'm sure I don't," replies bunny, obviously not really that interested.
"Well, to begin with, when I'm hungry and I chew my beautiful leaves, how can I describe the sensation of the leaves going down my throat....they go down and down and down....it's one hour of sheer pleasure."
"Really, how fascinating," replies bunny, one eyebrow raised.
Oblivious to bunny's lack of enthusiasm, giraffe continues, "And when I'm thirsty, and I drink water, for a full hour it goes down....and down....and down...It's heaven on earth!"
"Amazing," comments bunny,"but just one question. Have you ever thrown up?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1.Make race car noises when people get on and off.
2.Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3.Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4.Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5.Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7.Shave.
8.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
9.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear your upside-down.
10.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12.Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
13.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14.One word: Flatulence!
15.On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16.Do Tai Chi exercises.
17.Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18.When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, [blip] motion sickness!"
19.Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20.Meow occasionally.
21.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22.Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23.Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24.Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
25.Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
26.Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
27.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28.Burp, then say, "Mmmmm.....tasty!"
29.Leave a box between the doors.
30.Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31.Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32.Start a sing-along.
33.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34.Play the accordion.
35.Shadow box.
36.Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37.Lean against the button panel.
38.Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39.Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41.Bring a chair along.
42.Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43.Blow spit bubbles.
44.Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45.Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46.Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
47.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48.Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49.Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50.If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH
~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I think I should be happy to be going back to work today, I start another week off on Friday.
Never excited about getting up that early though.
It's a necessary evil if I want to get off early.
So it's the day before New Year's Eve eve. Are you ready to party down the day after tomorrow?
Me either.
Baby and Pepper want to go out on the town, but then they always do.
They don't have to work New Year's Day. I do.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope Baby and Pepper don't party too much without you. 
Have an easy peasy day!
May the new year be the best and fly for you so you may get back to doing the things that you love to do! HUGS!! Have a lovely day!
My heart sank in my stomach when I read that you were fired!
