Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Will Rogers
~~~~~~~~
Deductive ReasoningMan approaches to greet a new neighbor who is just moving into the house next door and asks what he does for a living.
Neighbor 1: I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning.
Man: Deductive reasoning? What is that?
Neighbor 1: Let me give you an example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog.
Man: That's right.
Neighbor 1: The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family.
Man: Right again.
Neighbor 1: Since you have a family I deduce that you have a wife.
Man: Correct.
Neighbor 1: And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual.
Man: Yup.
Neighbor 1: That is deductive reasoning.
Man: Cool.
.....Later that same day...
Man: Hey I was talking to that new neighbor next door.
Neighbor 2: Is he a nice guy?
Man: Yes, and he has an interesting job.
Neighbor 2: Oh, yeah? What does he do?
Man: He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the University.
Neighbor 2: Deductive reasoning? What's that?
Man: Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?
Neighbor 2: No.
Man: From your answer I deduce you're a Faggot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
~~~~~~~~~~~
So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for:
There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!
~~~~~~~~~~~~``
Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.
"Do you wash?" the doctor asked the smelly young girl.
"Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and
wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and I wash
up as far as possible."
"Well," the doctor concluded, "Go home and wash 'possible'!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little
baby was born with no ears. When they
arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family
to come over and see their
new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack
to say about the baby. So, Little
Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the
neighbors.
He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to
be on your best behavior and not
say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we
get back home."
"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny...At the
neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over
the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said,
"Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"
The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly
surprised and said, "Thank you very
much, Little Johnny."
He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet.
Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did
his doctor say he can see good?"
The mother said a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes ... his
doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you
ask?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he sure as heck can't
wear glasses "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gentleman, fresh out of gift ideas, bought his mother-in- law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he bought her nothing.
She was quick to comment, loud and long, on his thoughtlessness. The gentleman said only one thing - "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Well..I have to ride this for all it's worth, right?
I going in to work today and demand the rest of the year off, with pay.
Not many people in that place work as hard as I do........even if it's all an effort to avoid doing any real work.
It is VERY difficult to avoid managers who are always seeking me out for some infernal task they want done.
Anyway, I think I have a pretty good shot at getting off, though maybe not with pay.
If I try and force that issue, they may just give me all of 2015 off without pay.
In related news, it's with deep regret I must inform you all that this is the last diner that I'll be posting this year.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
You definitely deserve the rest of the year off Joe! A fine way to finish out the year! 
Happy new Years Eve everyone. 
HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE 
Ana enjoy your dinner with family,Karen sending prayers your way 
Wishing everyone a Happy and Safe New Year!! 
Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy New Year's Eve to you and hope your work day goes easy peasy!
Have an easy peasy day!
Always nice to know.
not my best holidays... 
