Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women.
Groucho Marx
~~~~~~~~~~
Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"
A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral," the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair all different colors, green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared.
The young man said, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The 13 Biggest Lies13. The check is in the mail.
12. You get this one, I'll pay next time.
11. You look great.
10. Of course I love you.
9. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.
8. ...but we can still be good friends.
7. She means nothing to me.
6. Don't worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on "empty."
5. Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone.
4. I'll call you later.
3. I've never done anything like this before.
2. I'm from your government, and I am here to help you.
1. I DO.
~~~~~~~~~
There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived
in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed
to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day,
she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know
how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt
to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home
with chicken legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know
how say it, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her
breast. The lady got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way
to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll the page down)
What were you thinking?
Hellooooooo,
her husband speaks English!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father Christmas was not in a very good frame of mind - in fact he was very depressed.
That morning after breakfast, Mrs Santa had told him that her Mother wasoming over to stay 'for a few days' and he knew that would be for several weeks, and as Christmas was approaching her visit was the last thing that he wanted.
The Elves had neen playing up and had gone on strike for more pay. The replacement elves Santa had put in were much slower and the number of toys that had been made was way down.
Father Christmas went to visit his Reindeers and found that two of them were pregnant and another two had kicked down the fence and had disappeared into the forest. He was by now even more depressed.
What I need is a drink he thought, but upon going indoors he found that the elves had hidden his Whisky and there was nothing left to drink in his liquour cabinet. Deciding upon a coffee he went into the kitchen but managed to drop the Jar of Coffee all over the floor. Now he really was cheesed off!
He went to fetch the broom to sweep up the mess but found that the mice had chewed off all the bristles.
At that moment there was a knock at the front door.
Upon opening it, Father Christmas was confronted by a beautiful Fairy holding a lovely Christmas Tree.
"Good Morning, Santa" she called "Isn't it a really lovely day. I have bought you this beautiful tree, isn't it lovely? Where would you like me to stick it?"
And that is why by tradition we have a Fairy sitting on top of our Christmas Trees.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pregnant woman is in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. asleep
for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer
pregnant.Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies,
"Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in
and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," says the doctor.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! I guess I was wrong
about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I am officially on vacation.
Unofficially though I'm about to pass out.
Actually I already did pass out once. I don't know how though. I'm watching a TV show on Animal Planet that is about to show proof that mermaids really exist.
Very interesting.
I already watched a show before that showed proof that Megaladon still exist in the oceans today.
And some people don't understand why I'm afraid of being in any body of water deeper than my bathtub.
Did anybody else here see these shows??
Ok, gotta move it to the bedroom and resume watching. Then have nightmares of being chased through the water by a tribe of mermaids, and eaten my a giant 60 foot shark.
chomp chomp
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Karen, Haroula and venus. Joe enjoy your vacation! Karen keeping you in my prayers. Haroula have a 
Will call the repair man later this morning. Danish, Waffles, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. 
Have an easy peasy day!
Ana prayers that your surgery goes well and fixes your problem. Please take it easy recovering.
L4L what is EO research pleaseandthankyou?
Hello, sweet 'Boomies!