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Sip & Surf Sunday #996289
01/03/15 11:50 PM
01/03/15 11:50 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!
David Brent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before
Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have
to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five
years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father
says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about
this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take
care of this," She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at
her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single
thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll
both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU
HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he
says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Joe asks his wife, Karen, what she wants for their 40th wedding anniversary.

"Would you like a new Mink coat?" he asks.

"Not really," says Karen.

"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says Joe.

"No," she responds.

"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."

"Well, what would you like for your anniversary?" Joe asks.

"Joe, I'd like a divorce," answers Karen.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says Joe.
~~~~~~~~

Three old men are at the doctor's office for a memory test.

The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"

"274," was his reply.

The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday" replies the second man.

The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?

"Nine" says the third man.

"That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?

"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade and probably the century.

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars,then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire,without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA
~~~~~~~~~~~

A Fishy tale.

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck.
Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold; he is turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.
"Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked. "Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've
changed.".....................
.........."I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Christian" slapforehead OY
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.

A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe a mistook him for John. She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible.'

Joe thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, 'Hell no in fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.

I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle. 'The old lady fainted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Three construction workers were down town working on a high-rise. A black guy, a Mexican, and a Polish guy.

Come lunch time, the three sit down together on a beam and open their lunchboxes. The black guy opens his box and finds chicken wings and grits. "Man, I hate this [blip]. I've been eating this stuff since I was a kid."
The Mexican opens his box and finds burritos and rice. "Me too man. I've had to eat this shit since I was little too."
The Polish guy opens his box and finds a PB&J sandwich. "I'm with you guys. I've been eating this stuff for way too long."

A week later, the three workers were up on the 30th floor. Come lucnch time, the three sit down together on the beam and open thier lunchboxes. The black guy opens his, and sure enough, chicken wings and grits. "Son of a [blip]. I swear, if I get this [blip] one more time, I'm jumping."
The Mexican opens his box, and there it is, burritos and rice. "Me too man. I'm sick of this [blip]. If I get this [blip] again, I'm jumping too."
The Polish guy opens his box, and sure enough, a PB&J sandwich. "I'm with you guys. If I get another one of these [blip] sandwiches, I'm jumping with you two."

A week passes, and the three are working on the 50th floor. Lunch time comes, and the three sit down together. The black guy opens his box, sees the chicken wings and grits. Standing up, he says goodbye to his friends and jumps to his death.
The Mexican opens his box, and sure enough, burritos and rice. Saying goodbye to his friend, he too, jumps to his death.
The Polish guy opens his box, sees the PB&J sandwich, and jumps to his death as well.
A few days later at the funeral, the wives of the three workers were standing around and condoling each other. "I just don't get." the black guy's wife said. "He never told me he didn't like chicken wings or grits."
"I know," the Mexican's wife said. "He never told me about the burritos or rice. I would have gladly made him something else."
As the two talked, they noticed that the Polish guy's wife was still crying her eyes out. "There, there, dear. It'll be alright." they said to her.
"I-I just don't understand it," she cried. "I mean, each day he made his own [blip] lunch."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`


Good morning everyboomie. welcome


My hiney is killing me tonight. It's all the walking up and down the hills, looking for arrowheads. shocked


My legs are cramping like crazy too. duh12


Those two things coupled with a severe lack of sleep, and I'm thinking I'm pretty much ready to retire. yes


Yep....Ready to go to bed as well. grin12


Have a simply spectacular Sunday everyone. rah


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996300
01/04/15 02:17 AM
01/04/15 02:17 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, I hope you have an awesome day! YOu are on vacation, it has to be good!

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996301
01/04/15 02:50 AM
01/04/15 02:50 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe, Ana and all who follow later. wave12
Have a happy day. happydance12


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: Haroula] #996304
01/04/15 04:33 AM
01/04/15 04:33 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Hey ya Boom Boom Buddies newyear


Hi ya Joe, Ana & Haroula wave12 wave12


Off to Church then shopping bravo12

I'll give everybody the first pot of coffee today until Connie, Gerry & Sue come in they make much better coffee yes bravo12

we need a coffee smiley MaG newyear

Have a nice Sunday Boomers~Karen puppy

Last edited by looney4labs; 01/04/15 01:29 PM.

"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996305
01/04/15 05:37 AM
01/04/15 05:37 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,108
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,108
Marlborough USA
HNY Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Karen and everyone. Joe hope your arrowhead hunting was successful.


Ana have a nice day. Haroula enjoy your day too. Karen thanks for the coffee. Happy Day wished for All! HNY


Gerry
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996309
01/04/15 06:32 AM
01/04/15 06:32 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning.Have a wonderful day everybody.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996312
01/04/15 07:22 AM
01/04/15 07:22 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers puppy

Joe, hope you awake fully refreshed and enjoy the day!

Ana, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Karen, have a wonderful day. Thanks for the coffee.

Gerry, have a great day.

Midgie, good morning. Hope all is well with you.

Church this morning then a nice quiet day. Wishing everyone a super good day today! happydance12


Gail
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996313
01/04/15 07:25 AM
01/04/15 07:25 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Sunday. Breakfast out and a BJ's trip today. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, Pancakes, and Toast in the NC. reindeer


Connie
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996321
01/04/15 10:12 AM
01/04/15 10:12 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Thanks for the laughs joe. rotfl12


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: Space Quest Fan] #996332
01/04/15 11:26 AM
01/04/15 11:26 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave12

The sun is out here, finally, but it's still very cold. woot

I'm working on my 3rd cup. Thanks Karen for the awesome java. Thank you Connie for the eggs and bacon. bravo12

All I have to do now is wait till 3:30 to watch the Cowboys play. santadance

I believe a little house work is in order. taz

Very little. grinch

Have a super day everyone. thumbsup12

joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 01/04/15 11:27 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996342
01/04/15 12:22 PM
01/04/15 12:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe hope all those body parts are feeling better this morning! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Ana it was -9 when me and Sassy went out walking, but felt like -22. Needless to say, Sassy didn't want to go very far at all. lol12 The sun is out but I don't think the temp is going much at all as they say the high to be -7 shiver Stay warm and be careful if you take the dogs out. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Karen enjoy church and have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the much needed hot coffee. Have a lovely day!

Connie enjoy breakfast out and have fun shopping. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day! HUGS!

Midge may work be fun and you have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy church and have a nice relaxing afternoon! Have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

wave12
Nan

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996353
01/04/15 01:04 PM
01/04/15 01:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Nan, we woke to snow and dropping temps. By wednesday -13. Awesome for me with no coat to wear with my sling! rotfl12 I told hubby I won't need an ice pack, just put me outside for a minute. I think I'm going to stay in and watch the snow instead of running the dogs.

Have a happy day everyone!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996356
01/04/15 01:11 PM
01/04/15 01:11 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
I'm so glad we don't have Snow or Ice right here. It's cold but bearable if I wear long sleeves. Oh boy. I even put on a Hoodie yesterday over my sweatshirt so I could endure the cold of, get this, The Movie Theater! It was colder inside there than outside. Not kidding. Second time at the newly renovated local AMC and the first time I froze. Some people actually brought in blankies this time to keep warm. Oh, and the best part is every seat is a fully automated Recliner! You could just fall asleep if not careful, in fact my friend did, and I had to wake him up. Overstuffed, comfy recliners. I wonder how long they will last? I give it 6 months before they are all slashed and the electronics break down. taz


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996358
01/04/15 01:14 PM
01/04/15 01:14 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Oh Gosh, it's going to be 27 tonight. Everybody with these temps be sure to turn on the water tonight -and I'm going to stuff a pail with pillow cases and hang it on the outdoor faucet that faces north. Only 2 outdoor faucets and both insulated but the north one always almost freezes in super cold nights. I've been lucky so far. Armadillos (?) have been digging hugh holes in my front yard, they must have premonitions. We are having a good old fashioned norther.

Commander Buttons is eating the possum's food -bad Cmndr!!! All the others are streached out in the sun -inside. I'm eating walnuts and raisens -pretty good. You don't have to make and bake those energy bars, just put all the ingredients in a cup and enjoy.

happy Sunday


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996362
01/04/15 01:36 PM
01/04/15 01:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocisous Sunday ya'll,

Woke to fog and rain after heavy heavy storms last night. Keoki was upset (up and down, up and down) until we finally figured out to have hubby turn into a living Thundershirt. Then we were able to get some sleep.

Was busy for a bit after we first got up. The Sun came out just a bit ago...wooohooo happydance12 So in a bit we are heading out for a walk. Haven't been for quite a while as we've have lots of rain and no sun.

Yesterday was icky. Woke up sick and stayed that way all day. May do a little mad scientist-ing in a bit.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: looney4labs] #996368
01/04/15 01:55 PM
01/04/15 01:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy the start of your vacation and have a great Sip & Surf Sunday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Easy peasy day at home today! woot

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996383
01/04/15 03:31 PM
01/04/15 03:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Back from our walk. It was much warmer in my front yard than it was at the park. There was a blustery wind at the park and the sun went away. Still, it felt good to be out walking and considering the temps some of you all deal with, very nice. Now it's Lady Grey tea time!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: looney4labs] #996393
01/04/15 04:49 PM
01/04/15 04:49 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
L4L I thought it was Earl Grey tea? didn't know they made a Lady tea lol12

Hi ya Yankee my Dad & I used to eat walnuts & rasins for a snack, very tasty grin12 also mom used to put them in my brown bag lunch for grade school, i had to have diabetic packed lunches~

Hi Ana & Nan BBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr shiver
how can you guys even breath shiver
cardboard is the best insulator I always used it for Mojo's water hose/spout~ do you guys have problems with your doggies pads getting to dry? lab

Hi Darlene! How are you doing? are you enjoying the cold front in Calf? rolleyes12

Have a nice day everyone~ Karen puppy blackkitty


Last edited by Drmojo; 01/04/15 04:53 PM.

"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996396
01/04/15 05:26 PM
01/04/15 05:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Karen., no issues with the dogs pads but I carry a toe warmer pac and sock in case they get frozen so they can warm up to walk.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #996444
01/04/15 11:38 PM
01/04/15 11:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I have just enough energy to stop in and say good night to all of you. I'm still nursing a bad cold. I worked a split shift today but I really just wanted to stay in my jammies all day. Wishful thinking. I'm hoping tomorrow will be the turning point to my getting healthy. Hope you all had a wonderful day.

Midgie hearts sleep12


Just do it.
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