The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
Henry J. Tillman
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How Dogs and Men Are the Same 1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both [blip] shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.
How Dogs Are Better Than Men 1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas (OK, really, the worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
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One day a man and his wife are playing golf at their home course. On a certain par four, the man tees it up and hits a big slice into the woods. They find his ball directly behind one of the greenskeeper's buildings where equipment is stored, so that he can't play toward the green at all. "[blip]!" the man says, "I'll have to play sideways to get back on the fairway. I'll make five at best." But his wife, who had been looking things over, said "Look, this shed has double doors at both ends. If we open them up, you can hit a low shot right through the building toward the green." The man congratulated his wife on her cleverness and they set up for the shot. But the ball hit the top of the far doorframe and came whistling back, striking his wife in the temple and killing her dead on the spot. A year or so later, the same man was playing the same par 4 and hit his tee shot in almost exactly the same spot as before, right behind the building. As he is cursing his luck and preparing to swing, one of his playing partners says, "Wait, look we can open these double doors and..." "No way," the man says, cutting him off. "I was here last year and tried that shot and ended up making a six."
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A new preacher told his wife he was going to preach on water skiing.
She said you can't preach on water skiing. If you do I am not going. So she stayed home in the house behind the church. As the preacher listened to the singing and got ready to preach he thought, I don't know anything about water skiing. I will preach on sex.
After church a deacon walked by the house, and told the preacher's wife it sure was a good sermon.
The preacher's wife said I am really surprised. He's only tried it twice, and fell off both times.
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Bill and Hillary are out driving in the country near Hillary `s hometown. They are low on fuel, so Bill pulls into a gas station for a fill-up. The attendant comes out and begins to pump gas into the first couple's tank. As he is doing this, he looks into the passenger window.
"Hey, Hillary. We used to date in high school, do you remember me?" he asks. They chat for a few minutes, Bill pays and the first couple leaves.
As they drive Bill is feeling very proud of himself and looks over at Hillary. "You used to date that guy? Just think what it would be like if you had married him," he says smugly.
Hillary looks at Bill and shrugs. The she replies, "Well I guess you'd be pumping gas and he would be the President."
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Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
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Good morning everyboomie.
I am off of work, and off for two days, and I'm down with that.
When I was coming home, there was a big accident down at the intersection where I get on the highway to drive to work, and it reminded me of this morning when I was going to work. I was at the stop light, and when it turned green, I started to pull out, and just as I did, a big semi tractor-trailer came flying through the red light in front of me. Two more seconds and I would have been right in front of him.
WHEW!!!
Now........the football season is over, and I am definitely not down with that.
It is what it is though, and all in all, I'd say it was a good season.
The Cowboys did far far better this year than anyone thought they would.
Yep. it is what it is, and in the immortal words of Popeye, "I am what I am, and that's all that I am."
Very tired.
I hope you all have a super Monday.
joe