Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion. What a man thinks of himself, that is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate.
Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
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HALLMARK CARDS THAT YOU'LL NEVER SEE...My tire was thumping.... I thought it was flat.... when I looked at the tire.... I noticed your cat... Sorry
You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends.... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one, of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it .... She moved in with me
Your computer is dead... it was once so alive Don't you regret installing Windows 95?
You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry?
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John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter back from his mother:
Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."
Love, Mom.
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A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull.
She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. "It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it." She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer."
The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word." She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please." "And what word would that be?" inquires the man.
"Comfortable." replies the brunette.
The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"
The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."
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Wisdom and Questions!.Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2.One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4.If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5.The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6.I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7.Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8.If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9.If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
10.It there another word for synonym?
11.Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
12.Where do forest rangers go "to get away from it all?"
13.What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
14.If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
15.Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
16.Why do they lock gas stations bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
17.If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
18.Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
19.Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
20.If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
21.Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
22.How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
23.Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed".
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
To which Adam replied, "What can I get for just a rib?" The rest is history.
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A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman and seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"
The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know". The lady then asked again, "Are they both boys or girls or one of each?" The man looking angrier and replied, "I don't know!" The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"
The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
I hope you're all ready for a great Tuesday.
I am. I don't have anything to do, other than laundry, and cleaning. Well, I guess I do have things to do.
And I was going to goof off all day.
Monday was too cold to do much, although I did make the grocery run.
Now, I'm re-watching Cowboy game re-runs.
Their season may be over, but I don't have to let it go, when I can re-live the glory of 7 of their winning games, that I have recorded.
rah rah
I can watch them from bed, and fall asleep with visions of touchdowns running through my mind.
I wish you all a wonderful day, with the wind at your back, and the sun on your shoulders.
Have a happy day.
joe
acebook
witter
at your Pool tourney Saturday! 
Good Morning Joe, Karen, Haroula , venus and everyone. Coffee is ready. Hope you all are feeling better. Have a nice day! 
Have an easy peasy day!
