Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
Franklin P. Jones
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here are some funny newspaper headlines: Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms
Queen Mary having bottom scraped
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails – veterinarian takes over
NJ judge to rule on nude beach
Child’s stool great for use in garden
Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
Organ festival ends in smashing climax
Eye drops off shelf
Squad helps dog bite victim
Dealers will hear car talk at noon
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
Teacher Strike Idles Kids
Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
War Dims Hope for Peace
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are some of the best sport quotes and bloopers mistatements: “Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean.”
-Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters
“Sure. I’m proud to be an American.”
-Cincinnati Reds rookie pitcher Steve Foster, asked by a Canadian customs agent if he had anything to declare.
“The Yankees are only interested in one thing, and I don’t know what that is.”
-Former Yankee outfielder Louos Polonia
“It’s a partial sellout.”
-Atlanta Braves broadcaster Skip Caray, trying not to say the game has only drawn 6,000 fans.
“Why does everybody stand up and sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ when they’re already there?”
-Larry Anderson, MLB pitcher
“Models are like baseball players. We make a lot of money quickly, but all of a sudden we’re 30 years old, we don’t have a college education, we’re qualified for nothing, and we’re used to a very nice lifestyle. The best thing is to marry a movie star”
-Cindy Crawford to the BBC
“I was thinking about making a comeback, until I pulled a muscle vacuuming.”
-Johnny Bench
I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it.”
-Football coach Ray Malavasi
Most of my clichés aren’t original.”
-Chuck Knox, when he coached the Rams.
“Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.”
-Charles Shackleford of the NCSU basketball team
“Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.”
-Doug Collins
“Are you any relation to your brother Marv?”
-Basketball player Leon Wood to announcer Steve Albert
“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”
-Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
“I don’t want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win.”
-Sherman Douglas
Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good.”
-Tom Watt, ex-Maple Leaves coach (his team was not so good)
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”
-Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota, 1996.
“He’s the man of the hour at this particular moment.”
-Don King
“His nerves. His memory. And I can’t remember the third thing.”
-Lee Trevino on the three things that go as a golfer ages.
“I don’t think anywhere is there a symbiotic relationship between caddie and player like there is in golf.”
-Johnny Miller, TV analyst and pro golfer.
“Then I was skinnier. I hit it better, I putted better, and I could see better. Other than that, everything is the same.”
-PGA Senior Tour player Homero Blancas.
“My handicap is that I don’t have a big enough beer cooler for the back of my golf cart.”
-Pro football linebacker Rick D’Amico, on his golf handicap.
“(We) should be allowed to wear shorts. God almighty, (LPGA) women are allowed to wear ‘em, and we’ve got better legs than they do.”
-Greg Norman
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Good morning everyboomie.
I've got some more great headlines and quotes for you.
I don't work tomorrow until 1:00, but I've been up since 3:30 and I am exceptionally tired.
I think I'm going to pack it in and move to the bedroom.
I feel like the star of 'Sleepy Hollow'.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Sue, Ana and Karen. Joe love the headlines! SpaceQ enjoy your day. Sue thanks for the coffee. Ana how are you doing? Karen have a good one. Happy Day All! 
Have an easy peasy day!
