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Tuesday's #998676
01/19/15 08:21 PM
01/19/15 08:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- Dan Quayle
~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



These are excuse notes that school secretaries have actually received. Some of these were in an article in the Detroit News back in the 1970s.

“Please excuse John for being absent Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33.”

“Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour throat.”

“Please excuse Joey Friday. He had loose vowels.”

“Please excuse Joyce from jim today.”

“Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. He fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.”

“Karl was hit yesterday playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.”

“John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.”

“Please excuse Gloria. She has been sick and under the doctor.”

“Please excuse Sarah from being absent yesterday. She was sick and I had her shot.”

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

“Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father’s fault.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Humorous, silly, stupid and weird classified ads from newspapers and magazines


Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.


Page Topic: Funny Classifieds Mistakes

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I'm looking at getting up at 3:30am again, so I'm looking at getting my gear, and down shifting into sleep mode. sleep


It is like a Thursday for me. yay


Have a great day everyone. yes


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998687
01/19/15 10:07 PM
01/19/15 10:07 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, I'm getting up at 3:30 as well. woozy Sleep well, and have a great "Thursday." wave

It's Monday night for me, too, and I'm off to sleep. It's going to be another early morning for me. Hopefully tomorrow will go more smoothly. Today, I had a fiasco with my work phone's update. It kicked me out of my location recognition, which means I was unable to do any of my surveys. So I was barely able to get any work done today, at least as far as my surveys were concerned, and I had to spend an hour on the phone waiting for tech support to answer. slapforehead Something like this happens every time we have an update, which is why I always dread them. Oh, well, tomorrow is bound to be better, considering I'm not off the map anymore. lol

Okay, off to sleep. Have a great Tuesday, everyone. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998697
01/20/15 12:18 AM
01/20/15 12:18 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Have a great day Joe, venus and all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998705
01/20/15 02:40 AM
01/20/15 02:40 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have all a happy day. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #998710
01/20/15 04:40 AM
01/20/15 04:40 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Morning Boom Boom Buddies


Hi Joe those are great excuses lol
hope you got a good nights sleep and work goes good for you~


Venus hope you slept well have a good day at work wave


Hi ya Ana have a nice day flowers



Hi Haroula hope your day is nice catrub
do you have any animals??



Have a nice Tuesday everyone Karen


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998714
01/20/15 05:50 AM
01/20/15 05:50 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
dance Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana, Haroula and Karen. Coffee is ready. A Happy Day wished for All! dance


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998728
01/20/15 09:04 AM
01/20/15 09:04 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. Danish, French Toast, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. Son who lives with me is taking me to St. Augustine Sunday. We will be staying in the Bed and Breakfast his dad and I always stayed in. We will be there for 2 nights. winter


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998732
01/20/15 09:59 AM
01/20/15 09:59 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
good Morning Boomers penguin

Joe, loved the classifieds.

Venus, sorry you had so much trouble updating. That's got to be aggravating.

Ana, hope your day is a good one.

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Karen, enjoy whatever the day brings. Talk to you later.

Gerry, I'm in desperate need of coffee. Thank you.

Connie, sounds like a wonderful day come Sunday.

A walk with the dogs this morning. Think it';s going to be a gaming afternoon as I have nothing planned today. woot


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: GBC] #998740
01/20/15 11:01 AM
01/20/15 11:01 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Thursday is a great day! smile

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998747
01/20/15 12:20 PM
01/20/15 12:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Fun day ahead. Finally the Law offices are open and I can get in touch with the lawyer (I hope). More info in New New Sorta's Neighborhood. I have to put it down now or I'm going to forget and the offices don't open till 10am. Darn.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998749
01/20/15 12:24 PM
01/20/15 12:24 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
So, apparently I got caught up with sleep last night. I slept 10 hours. eek Now I feel like I'll be behind the rest of the day since I lost a few hours. lol

be back...


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998753
01/20/15 12:42 PM
01/20/15 12:42 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe have a happy Thursday!! May work fly and go well. Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Ana sorry you slept in! lol Hopefully that feeling of being behind goes away soonest for you! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Karen any trips to the barn today? Have fun whatever you do and have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the lcoffee and have a lovely day!

Oh Connie sounds like a nice weekend ahead for you, enjoy! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail have a nice walk with the dog and fun gaming! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

Sorta good luck! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998756
01/20/15 12:57 PM
01/20/15 12:57 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope everyone is having a terrific Tuesday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998761
01/20/15 01:07 PM
01/20/15 01:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

I woke up a bit earlier than usual and then spent a couple of hours in the kitchen playing mad scientist. Got my fruit/veggie wash and 2 facial moisturizers mixed up. Then fed the very patient dogs, and cleaned up the kitchen.

Soon as I post this I'm heading to the park with the doggies. It's a beautiful day out there..starts cooling down a bit today with a bigger drop tomorrow so gotta get out there and enjoy that sun happydance

I have a webinar later today and then a run to the store for some things I need for dinner. Would love to stop while I'm out but I don't trust the 2 youngsters in the car without supervision, so will head out a 2nd time...eek!

Connie, are you guys celebrating something? Or just having a get away?

wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998781
01/20/15 04:25 PM
01/20/15 04:25 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Back from the dentist -no too bad, 2 fillings and a patch- and then fun shopping at super Walmart. they have everything. Got bunches of grapes for the possums and those wonderful raspberry filled chocolate squares we all did well, even the kits. This Walmart has a great Fancy Feast selection. And mostly the novacain has worn off.

It's going to be 78!!! Shorts weather!!!

Gotta get something to eat


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998782
01/20/15 04:26 PM
01/20/15 04:26 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998784
01/20/15 04:52 PM
01/20/15 04:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Yankee, so glad you are all done. Now time to celebrate!

Space, welcome home. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: looney4labs] #998797
01/20/15 08:04 PM
01/20/15 08:04 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Yankee glad your mouth is un-numb, whats a patch?
i went to wal mart with my brother last night and there grapes weren't very good, the purple ones were bitter tasting
my possy has not been around for a few days

I just finished The dark eye great game!!
now I'm playing unwritten tales~


Hi space!

Hi ya L4L!

Have a nice night boomers

Last edited by Drmojo; 01/20/15 08:07 PM.

"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998801
01/20/15 08:16 PM
01/20/15 08:16 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
In the department of Grapes and Possums, mine eat all sorts of grapes, but the Peacock, won't eat anything except the black ones. Today they were out of black ones so I picked up the darkest red I could find. I mixed them with the black ones and am hoping she won't notice the different ones. I'll bet she does and picks them out. We shall see in about 1/2 hour.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998804
01/20/15 08:24 PM
01/20/15 08:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Grabbing a quick sit down before dinner. Been cooking for a couple of hours. I hate hate hate when I get to the end of a long recipe only to find I left something out and it's too late to put it in. We shall see if all this cooking was for naught tonight rotfl

Edit: Well, the salmon cakes were delicous. The roasted broccoli was burned...hmmm...will have to rethink how to do that.

Now time to go collapse somewhere. Sweet dreams all sleep

Last edited by looney4labs; 01/20/15 09:58 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #998849
01/20/15 11:51 PM
01/20/15 11:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. Just a quick hello to everyone still here. Tomorrow is my day off. Nothing planned yet.Hope you all had a good day today. My best friend took me out to lunch today. It was yummy. Baked fish with rice and brocolli.

See you all tomorrow. I plan on sleeping....maybe. Night.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
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