Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Oscar Wilde
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Here are a few excerpts of funny letters to landlords.The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.
This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy
Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny color and not fit to drink.
It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
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Funny Letters to Government Agencies1. Dear Sirs, please stop my assistance since I got a job begging in October
2. I am writing the Welfare Dept. to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?
3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothing for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
4. I cannot get sick pay. I have had 6 children. Can you tell me why?
5. I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.
6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead, as the man I am living with can’t do a thing until he knows.
8. I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my boy as illiterate. This is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.
9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which was a mistake as you can see.
11. Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
12. My husband got laid off from his job 2 weeks ago, and I haven’t had any relief since.
13. You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?
14. I have no children yet as my husband is a bus driver and works night and day.
15. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
16. I want my money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with a doctor for 2 weeks and he hasn’t done me any good. If things don’t improve I will have to send for another doctor.
(In response to the question, “Why have you applied for public assistance?”) My husband left me last month and I am in need of ass.
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Funny Resume Mistakes “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
“Education: College, August 1880- May 1984.”
“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
“I’m a rabid typist.”
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
Reasons for Leaving your Previous Job:
“Responsibility makes me nervous.”
“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”
Personal Qualities
“I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”
“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
“Number of dependents: 40.”
“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”
“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award”
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Good morning everyboomie.
IT'S FRIDAY!!
For what it matters.
I hope today is better than yesterday. Yesterday I gamed, slept, watched TV, and ate..............and ate, watched TV, slept, and gamed. It was horrible.
I went out in the yard once with Baby, and after pleading with her to do her business, I hurried back inside the house, where the weather was better.
My back still hurts, only today my butt hurts too, because I sat on it yesterday....................a lot.
My friend Shane came by while I was napping on the couch, and when he knocked on my door, I thought it was thunder.
I was actually disappointed it wasn't thunder.
Great sleeping weather.
Anyway the next three days are supposed to be warmer and sunnier. We'll all be happier about that. Especially my butt....................and Baby.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Bless your heart Joe, venus and all who have to get up and go to work all the time in the middle of the night! 
at your surgeon's this morning!
they go to the door and look at me as if to say can you pleaseee turn this stuff off? 