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Monday's #855141
12/10/12 12:36 AM
12/10/12 12:36 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
[Memory is] a man's real possession...In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor.
Alexander Smith (1830 - 1867)

think Funny, I don't remember asking his opinion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A string walked into a bar, hopped on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

Disappointed, the string hopped down from the stool and went to the next bar. He hopped on the barstool and said, again, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."

The string continued down the row of bars in this fashion. At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender at every bar in turn said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."

Finally he got to the last bar in the area. He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a beer. He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." This bartender, too, said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

Tired and angry, the string walked outside to think. He was a hard-working string. He deserved a beer. Finally, he came up with an idea. He had a passerby tie him up into a bow and frazzle his ends. Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up on the barstool. "Bartender, gimme a beer!" he said loudly.

The bartender looked him over critically, and finally yelled, "Hey, aren't you that string that was in here a few minutes ago?"

The string replied coolly, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Problem of Problems
A young couple decided to wed.

As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive.

Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.

"Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."

His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"

"Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed."

Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.

"Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."

"No, you don't understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth."

"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.

"Not a word," her mother affirmed.

"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well.

That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off.

Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, my," he replies, "I think you've swallowed my sock!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bad News, Good News, Great News
The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife."

"Well, tell me!" the man said.

The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."

"Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"

"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her."

"If that's the good news than what's the great news?!", Mr. Wilkens demanded.

The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be Politically Correct With Women
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.

She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`


Be Politically Correct With Men
He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a [blip] DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.

He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.

He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.

He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.

He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.

He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Good morning everyboomie. happydance12

Another Monday has snuck up on us.

This particular Monday is supposed to do it's best impersonation of a Thursday for me, and it had better do a good job by golly or I'll send it back to calender school. mad12

Actually I'm much more concerned about Wednesday and Thursday doing a good impression of Saturday and Sinday.

oops I meant Sunday. lol12

Although it probably is more like Sinday if I'm not in church. blush

HEY! Have you seen the new Hobbit movie previews? santadance

It has been way too long since LOTR ended, and I can't wait to see the new one, and actually they are turning them into 3 movies. penguin

I think Peter Jackson movies are hobbit forming. snicker

Well kiddies once again I feel like I've been cast in a Cinderella movie as the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.

That means I'm veeerry sslleeeppyy.

Y'all have a happy day okie dokie?

joe



This diner comes with a money back guarantee.

Try it for 30 days and if you're not completely satisfied return it for a full refund.

I'll even refund shipping cost.

Keep smiling.



Last edited by gymcandy1; 12/10/12 12:40 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855152
12/10/12 03:40 AM
12/10/12 03:40 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning boomers,have all a nice day wave12


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday's [Re: Haroula] #855159
12/10/12 04:39 AM
12/10/12 04:39 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula wave12It's rainy here and cold so I'll get the coffee brewing for who ever needs to warm up shiverEnjoy the day all sherlock


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855163
12/10/12 05:57 AM
12/10/12 05:57 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,099
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,099
Marlborough USA
wave12 Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe keep smiling! grin12 Haroula enjoy your day. penguin Cailyn it's cold and rainy here too. shiver Hot coffee is perfect! thumbsup12 Thank you. Happy Day wished for all! wave12


Gerry
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855165
12/10/12 06:15 AM
12/10/12 06:15 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave12


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855174
12/10/12 08:34 AM
12/10/12 08:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. It's foggy and warm here, 10 degrees above normal. It sure doesn't feel like Christmas. Would someone like to send some of their snow, please? To all here and all who follow, have a Great start to the new week. Danish, Waffles, Muffins, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. santa


Connie
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855177
12/10/12 09:02 AM
12/10/12 09:02 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, the Diner is too cool to refund!

Haroula, good morning!

Cailyn, coffee sounds goo. I'm getting sick of this rain.

Gerry, guess it would be quite a bit of snow if not for the rain.

Venus hi and bye!

Connie, wished I could send you some snow but we're in a rain pattern. Warmer than usual weather in the East here too. Danish sounds inviting.

Got to make a trip to Pet-Co later today. No dog walkint this morning. Nina hates the rain!


Gail
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855186
12/10/12 09:31 AM
12/10/12 09:31 AM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,243
Delaware, USA
SharonB Offline
Addicted Boomer
SharonB  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,243
Delaware, USA
Good morning Joe and all Gameboomers! wave12

It's foggy/cloudy here and 61F. Which is good for me because I have to walk to the lab this morning for some fasting lab tests. (Don't you hate those?) I will be getting in my exercise today! yes

Good news! My nephew has come through for me and I will be able to get to my doctor's office (the cardiologist) this afternoon. (I have no car). They have also agreed to take me to my other 2 appointments this week. On Wednesday I have to do a Stress Test. scared Then Friday I go back to see the cardiologist.

So a scary week, but at least I'm dealing with my problems. No caffeine or decaf tomorrow 24 hrs prior to my stress test. The thought of going without my diet coke for a whole day - 2 days really because I won't be able to have any till after the test (3 to 4 hrs).

Well I have lots of anxiety now that is purely about going without my diet coke for so long. I'll get by somehow. whistle

Monday, Monday. Time to get this show on the road. Enjoy your day! happydance12

Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855198
12/10/12 09:50 AM
12/10/12 09:50 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 28,972
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 28,972
Unionville
Good morning everyone. Hope you all have a great start to the week. wave12


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Monday's [Re: manxman] #855227
12/10/12 11:01 AM
12/10/12 11:01 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great Monday and keep smiling!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855287
12/10/12 01:58 PM
12/10/12 01:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I woke at 7, went back to bed for a few minutes and woke at 9. lol12 I guess I needed more sleep.

I am still in cleaning mode and finishing up shopping and have top decorate the house still. Our family Christmas is at my house on Saturday so there is always lots to do.

Joe, thanks for the morning chuckles.

Darlene, safe skooshing.

manxman, do you have snow yet?

Sharon, I am so happy you can get your tests your done. Do yourself a favor and don't drink the pop when you get done with the test. I quit cold turkey last Dec 2nd after a 10-12 can a day habit. Life is better without it.

Gail, poor Nina. My boys won't go in the yard in the rain, but if I take them out to run, theydo not care.

Connie, Chicago just broke the record for the longest amount of days without snow in the history of weather keeping. I have none to send to you.

Venus, hope work goes well.

Gerry and Sue, stay dry!

Haroula wave12

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave12


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855304
12/10/12 03:13 PM
12/10/12 03:13 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer
Lotus777  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Good Morning Everyone. My Mum, who is 92, was sick yesterday so I was running back and forth all day. Scared me as she is almost never sick but she is much herself again today, yay!! Oh SharonB, Ana is so right. I drank Diet Coke forever and then quit cold turkey and now I am a water drinker and feel much better. I wish I could share our well water with everyone as it is the best!! That did make it easier. Off to do some Christmas cards. Have a great day everyone and Happy Gaming!! wave12


Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855313
12/10/12 04:10 PM
12/10/12 04:10 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Brrrr cold today and tonight predicted 21!! What in south central Texas? Remember all turn on your water and cover your plants.

Still trudging around Cyrodiil in rusty armor because my poor hero is only a 4. This will be the 5th time I'm playing this game. I've finished battlefield bad company 2 -it's a good game, a shooter, and you get to do lotsa different things and like bad company 1 it ends with humor.

Ana, it was 9 AM befor I rolled out of too. So good sleeping in when the house is cold. Oh Springtime hurry.

Good gaming all


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855316
12/10/12 04:14 PM
12/10/12 04:14 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Started out at 45 degrees this morning. It's now 73! Gonna be a weird one. They said a cold Santa Ana wind should be starting by 2 pm and cause major fire warnings. Hope we don't have anyone starting brush fires, it would all come this way with the wind change.

Empty house across is now with the Snake and Son waiting and waiting. 3 hours now doing not much. I really think they are waiting for the 'city inspector' to come sign off on the yard cleanup. Can't figure out any other reason to sit around with a truck and a car and two guys doing nothing for all this time. I see some 'papers' in the Snake's pocket, might be right. Hope something happens soon. I'm tired of spying on them. sherlock


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855324
12/10/12 04:45 PM
12/10/12 04:45 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855371
12/10/12 07:47 PM
12/10/12 07:47 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Well, guess i forgot to hit submit this morning.

It's been a day of daughter drama and I'm expecting the night to be the same <sigh>

Hubby should be walking in the door at any second. wave12


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855411
12/10/12 11:18 PM
12/10/12 11:18 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Me too L4L. Sorry guys. I didn't hit the right button. Now it's time to say good night. See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts sleep12


Just do it.
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855413
12/10/12 11:37 PM
12/10/12 11:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Back from Salsa Funk class and feeling good. I decorated the house today and found a bankers box in the rafters of my garage full of pictures of me in my 20s-30's. I had such fun going through them. Those of you on FB can see them. It brought back so many fun memories. I may not have had a lot of possessions in my life, but I have been blessed with so many fun times I wouldn't trade for anything. hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855417
12/11/12 12:17 AM
12/11/12 12:17 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Been a fun but busy day here today!! Hope everybody has had a wonderful day!! Time now to head for my pillow so........

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep12
Nan

Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855419
12/11/12 12:26 AM
12/11/12 12:26 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Well, all the huge storms that moved through this morning ushered in some cooler weather. We might be able to open the windows tonight and leave the AC off.

Sleep well all :sleep:


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #855422
12/11/12 12:51 AM
12/11/12 12:51 AM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
g'night , everyone - sleep well !

catrub sleep12

Re: Monday's [Re: looney4labs] #855423
12/11/12 01:07 AM
12/11/12 01:07 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hi honey I'm home.............finally. wave12

Long day it was. tired

If you get home around 10:00 and then have to shower, and then fix and eat dinner, you're a very long way, and many many foot steps from when you got up at 7:30. tired

My feet are remembering every step right now. zombie

I would MUCH rather get up at 3:30 and go to work. yes

It won't be tomorrow though. 2:00 to 10:00..... taz

I hope everyone everywhere in Boomerland had a fanterrific think Monday. wink12

I'm off to start a nuther one. scared

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
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