You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
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A doctor is making his rounds in the hospital when he comes upon a guy with the worst case of sunburn he has ever seen. The poor guy is burnt raw from head to toe and is in agony. He says to the doctor, "Is there anything you can give me to ease this terrible pain?"
So the doctor says, "Yes, I'll prescribe you some Viagra".
"Viagra?" says the poor guy. "How will that help my sunburn?".
"It won't help your sunburn much" says the doctor, "but at least it'll keep the sheets off it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquility had long been known about the
town, and on this very special occasion, a local newspaper
reporter paid them a visit.
He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well"...explained the husband..."it all goes all the way back to
our honeymoon, you see, we visited the Grand Canyon and we
took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule."
He continues..."well now, we hadn't gone too far when my wife's
mule stumbled, she quietly said...that's once."
"We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again and
my wife quietly spoke...that's twice."
"You know, that mule hadn't gone a half-mile when it stumbled a
third time."
My wife promptly removed a gun from her purse, hopped off the
beast, and shot the mule dead."
"I protested over her treatment of the mule, she slowly turned to
me and quietly said...that's once."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Bumper StickersList of the Funniest Bumper Stickers In America
1. Constipated People Don't Give A sh--.
2. That is so five minutes ago!!
3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Behind, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My A--.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
26. Illiterate? Write For Help
27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... [Seen Upside Down On A Jeep]
40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
44. Ax Me About Ebonics
45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
46. Boldly Going Nowhere
47. Cat: The Other White Meat
48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde
50. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
55. Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!
56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
59. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.
64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This just in. The Motel 6 corporation has filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in federal court. It seems they can no longer pay their electric bill. Simply too many lights have been left on."
When asked about when he learned of the decision, Motel 6 spokesperson Tom Bodett was quoted as saying, "I was left in the dark."
Good morning everyboomie.
It's half past my bed time.
I enjoyed my days off and now it's back to the salt mines for this dwarf.
The good news is it's a 3 day work week.
Monday is Hump day.....WOO HOO!
Any questions??
I just had that one.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
for the laughs Joe. 
Ana, the knee is doing better, but still not 100 percent. I have no patience for just sitting around, so taking shorter walks for awhile. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Hump day. Danish, Cinnamon Buns and French Toast in the NC. 
Then home to feed everyone and clean the kitchen. Back to the park to wander with Keoki, and home to clean everyone's ears. Meal planning for the rest of the week, chatting with eldest, chatting with youngest, chatting with hubby, and now sitting and surfing and sipping. Ahhhhh! 
