Life's a voyage that's homeward bound.
Herman Melville (1819 - 1891)
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A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong??"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite.... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the... er... features...of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a [blip] AND a brain?"
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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
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A PETA protester screamed at the woman in a fur coat, "Don't you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that fur?"
Unfazed, the woman replied, "That's true, but think of what I had to go through! I dated him!"
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"Will I be the first to do this to you?" whispered the new groom to his new bride.
"What a silly question," giggled the girl. "I don't even know what position you want to use yet."
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After completing his examination, the doctor took her husband aside. "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither, Doc." Said the husband. "But she's a good cook and the kids seem to like her."
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Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralyzed, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
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A small tourist hotel was all a buzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.
But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.
The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years...
I thought he meant his money!!
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Several years before the Gulf War, a female journalist did a story on gender roles in Kuwait. She noted that there it was customary for women to walk 10 feet behind their husbands.
After the war, she returned to Kuwait and was pleased to observe that now the men walked 10 feet behind their wives. She approached a woman at the airport and asked, "What enabled Kuwaiti women to achieve this role reversal?"
The Kuwaiti woman replied, "Land mines."
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Good morning Boomies.
It's that time once again.
Time to crawl out of bed if you can.
Have some breakfast & get a fix on your day.
Out the door and you're on your way.
Or stay home and do your 'have to's' there.
Brush you teeth and your hair, and then clean house while you're naked and bare.
I know, it's redundant.
I just like saying it.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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One down, down to finish the second project. It's getting there!