I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father", answered the mother, "I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
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A little girl and her mother were in church when the girl started to feel ill.
"Mommy, can we leave now?" asked the girl.
"No." replied Mom.
"I think I'm gonna throw up."
"Well go out the front door, walk around the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
A few moments later the girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" asked Mom.
"Yes."
"How could you have gone all the way around the church, throw up and be back here so soon?"
"I didn't even have to go outside. They have a box right by the front door that says 'for the sick'."
~~~~~~~~~~
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the
little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say
the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to
'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'"
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his
father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have
to whisper."
The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper
in my ear."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mafia's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.
He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.
He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."
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Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Happy Sunday.
I've been wanting to retire (go to bed, hit the hay, hit the sack), but I've been sitting here for about an hour trying to write this little post, and getting no where.
The cold numbed more than just my toes today it seems.
Well I have to have something to blame it on besides senility.
I'm watch the Dr Who special for the third time and a commercial is on, so I'm going to just shut'er down dock, and head for the shed.....as in go to bed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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