There are worse things in life than death. If you're ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean.
Woody Allen
~~~~~~~~~~
It seems that Reagan and Gorbachev arranged a competition to determine whose nation had the bravest troops. The two leaders arrived, at the designated hour, on a plateau in Finland high above the water. Each was accompanied by a battalion of crack troops, smartly uniformed. The leaders shook hands.
Reagan went first. He addressed his battalion of Marines:
"Private Jones! Front and center."
Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.
"Private Jones! March to the edge of the cliff."
Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.
"Private Jones! Jump!"
Jones just stood there, unmoving.
"Private Jones! I said jump!"
The man's knees started to shake, but he was otherwise motionless.
"Private Jones! This is your Commander-in-Chief. I ORDER YOU TO JUMP!!!" Private Jones wailed out: "I can't! I have a wife--and a family!"
The MPs arrived and escorted Jones away for court martial. Reagan backed off in disgrace. It was now Gorbachev's turn.
"Comrade Dmitrivich! Front and center."
Comrade Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.
"Comrade Dmitrivich! March to the edge of the cliff."
Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.
"Comrade Dmitrivich! Jump!"
Dmitrivich jumped off the cliff.
By some miracle, he is snagged on a branch and he lands on a crag some 50 feet below the top of the cliff. Dmitrivich is badly injured, but still alive and conscious. He is carried away on a stretcher.
As Dmitrivich is carried passed Private Jones, Jones cannot resist asking him:
"Dmitrivich! How could you do it? How could you jump?"
Dmitrivich answered: "I had to! I have a wife--and a family!"
~~~~~
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft Chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?"
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Mark'"
"Sure."
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi, Mark" he said.
I replied, "Get lost, Gates, I'm in a meeting."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.
The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some [blip] wants to buy half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standingright behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but hookers and hockey players up there."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."
"No kidding?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
~~~~~~~~~~~
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the
aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to
him.
At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.
After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she
had been feeling.
"I`ve been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.
"Well," said the older physician, "you`ve probably been
over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don`t you cut back
on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."
As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.
"You didn`t even examine that woman," the younger doctor stated.
"I didn`t have to," the elder physician explain. "You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. Well when I bent over to pick it up, I looked around and noticed a
half dozen banana peels in the trash can. That is probably what has been making her ill."
"That`s pretty sneaky," commented the younger doctor. "Do you mind if I try it at the next house?"
"I don`t suppose it could hurt anything," the elder physician replied.
At the next house, the two doctors visited with an elderly widow. They spent several minutes discussing the weather and grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After several
minutes, the younger doctor asked the widow how she had been feeling lately.
"I`ve felt terribly run down lately," the widow replied. "I just don`t have as much energy as I used to."
"You`ve probably been doing too much work for the church,"
the younger doctor suggested without even examining his patient. "Perhaps you should ease up a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder physician said, "Your diagnosis is probably right, but do you mind telling me how you came to that conclusion?"
"Sure," replied the younger doctor. "Just like you, I dropped my stethoscope on the floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I looked around and there was the preacher hiding
under the bed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I can't believe it's the 2nd of January already!
My how time doth fly............and my fly doth zip around.
I don't know where that came from.
Flies always zip around don't they?
So what's the buzz today?
As everything that's buzz worthy buzzes about, and I stare at this screen, my cognitive processes are waxing and waning and anything BUT zipping about.
Maybe if I poke my finger in a socket, and give myself a good buzz I could give said processes a kick start, and start singing zippidy-do-dah, but then I kinda like waxing and waning this time of the evening.
It's a good exercise in patience and self control to see how long I can remain in sleep mode without waking, and my waxing and waning helps to prepare my mind for this challenge.
Though mostly it's the waning that's dominating the waxing.
I think I'll go wane in bed, or more properly said, I'll get in bed and let this day wane away.
I hope you all get a good buzz today.
I hope it's not waning in the morning. I don't like driving in the wane.
See ya.
joe
acebook
witter
Quiet in here this morning I'm up because Diego had to go out 
And once I'm up I can't go back 
Hope you all enjoyed the New Year,coffee is in the corner I'll keep it hot and fresh!Its snowing here we're in for a storm 
Nan prayers for your daughter and grandaughter 
. She shouldn't let him back in again when (if) he comes out of prison. And I don't like it a bit to read that Abbi-Roze was in the flat too!
Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Sausage Biscuits in the NC. 
Have an easy peasy day!
At least I have a couple of days off to relax. As much as I need the hours, I'm grateful for these off days, as hopefully they'll let me recover a bit faster. 
So resting and gaming today.
Have a lovely day!
